I see that Wang Ruoxi is sitting over there on the chair beside the bed. Then I slowly enter the room and say, "Wang Ruoxi, we can leave now."
Then she asks, "How's Xu Yuan?"
I say, "He left the hospital."
"Why? Is he that fine that he got a discharge from the hospital?" she asks.
I say, "Yes, thankfully now he is fine."
"Why is he in such a hurry and left so early from the hospital?"
I take a deep breath and say, "He has a few work commitments that he needs to do, so that's why. But nothing to worry, he is fine, that's why only Doctor Qi allowed him to leave the hospital bed and travel."
Wang Ruoxi comes near me and immediately hugs me. She starts crying and says to me while crying, "How… how did you hide this from me? Tell me, Shiza, just tell."
I close my eyes and tears start running out from my eyes. I hug her back and say, "I'm sorry, Ruoxi, so sorry… but how could I tell you this? I thought you would laugh at me, you would make fun of my feelings, you would think that I am his psycho fan, you would judge my love for him… and I can't handle all these things. I can't. I am not that strong, Ruoxi, I am not…"
And I kneel down on the floor while saying all this to her. She also kneels down in front of me and cups my face with both her hands and says, "How could you think that? That I would make fun of your feelings? That I won't understand you? How could you, Zhao Shiza? How could you think that I would hurt such an innocent heart? How could you?" she yells at me a little while saying this.
"And don't ever say that you are not strong. You are way more strong than you think. Tell me—if you are not that strong, then how were you able to see your love, your Xu Yuan, with his girlfriend? You saw their videos and photos over Weibo, but you didn't express anything, not even a single thing that you were feeling. You are the strongest girl I have ever seen in my life."
I start crying more because I am breaking from inside now, I can't handle it anymore. Then Wang Ruoxi holds both my shoulders with her hands and says, "Just because you fell in love with an actor, you think that I will find your love stupid or foolish? Never, Zhao Shiza. Never. Love is love… only love. No matter with whom this love happened. How can I question this pure feeling of love? I can never. Never."
She takes a deep sigh and asks me, "Tell me, Zhao Shiza, tell me whatever you are feeling since so long. Tell me. Share your pain with me that you are hiding from everyone. Share it. I am here. I am here to listen."
I close my eyes for a while and say, "Wang Ruoxi… it's hurting. It's really hurting my Mr. Heart. It's like someone stabbing it. I am in pain. I can't hide it anymore. Please help me. Please help."
"I am helping you, Shiza," Wang Ruoxi says to me in a little panic while seeing my condition. "Just relax a little. Relax a little. Take a deep breath, slowly, slowly. Calm down… just relax."
"Wang Ruoxi… I loved him since the moment I saw him in that drama. But he is an actor… so can't I fall for him? Can't I love him? I have a complaint to God—why didn't He make me his? Why didn't He make him mine? Why were we not made for each other? Why? Why so unfair? Why? I loved him, Ruoxi. I loved him so much. But he has already fallen for his girlfriend. He already loves her. You know what? Whenever I see his videos or photos with any of his co-actresses, I feel jealous. I feel how much he is not mine. You know what, Ruoxi… it's just that if he didn't come here, I'll die. I'll die."
"No, no, no, Shiza, you won't die, my girl. You are so helpless in his love. I hope in this life he is able to know that a poor girl loves him so deeply and hides her love for so long. Trust me, Shiza, it's not your fault. It's… it's just his bad luck that he didn't see how much you loved him. Maybe he didn't deserve—"
I stop Wang Ruoxi midway and put my hand on her mouth, stopping her before she says it.
"Don't. Don't, Wang Ruoxi. Don't you dare utter a single word against him. I am the one who is unlucky. Everyone loves him like this only. My love is not so special. I didn't deserve him. I really didn't."
"How can you compare your love with all his fans and call it just an ordinary thing? At least respect your love, because only you can respect it. Don't disrespect it. Yes, you are right, everyone loves him, he has a lot of fans all over the world. But your love is an extraordinary love from his extraordinary fangirl that no one has ever done. I can bet that even his own girlfriend can never love him the way you do," Wang Ruoxi says.
"No, no, no, don't say these things. Don't. He deserves the best. And he is already with the best—with his girlfriend. I am nowhere. Nowhere," I say while putting my head down on Wang Ruoxi's lap.
"Look what you have done to yourself because of him. How much you broke yourself when he didn't even care for you. Please, Shiza, don't do this. At least for me… for me, for your bàba, your màma, your Xin Xin. Live for them, please. Trust me… if it was in my hands, I would do anything to give you Xu Yuan… but it's not. It's not. My bad luck that I can't help my dearest friend when she needs it the most," she says while moving her hand on my head to calm me down.
Then I stand up immediately and wipe my face with both my hands and say, "It's ok, Wang Ruoxi. I know you can't help me in this. I have chosen this pain for myself, so I have to bear it my whole life. You have nothing to do with it. Nothing. Let's go… we need to go to the dorm."
"But the dorm must be closed at this time."
Then I smile and say, "Then we'll stay in any hotel for tonight. It will be fun. Let's go."
"Are you sure you are ok, Zhao Shiza? You don't need to act normal in front of me. Really, don't."
I smile again and hold her hand and say, "Yes, I am absolutely fine. And I want to be. Because if I am not, then I can't live. And I want to live. I really want to. I don't want to die, Ruoxi. So as a friend, you need to help me in this and take me toward the light of life."
Then we went out of the hospital…