He is here, just standing right in front of me. I move my eyes away from there and tell myself that you are here for work only; the sooner this work ends, the sooner it all gets over. Then the voice of Director Li came, saying, "Ok, ready for the shoot everyone, take your positions." We have all taken our positions, but today's script is quite different than the usual one. Today, there is a romantic scene between the lead pair. After reading it, my hands clutch the script a little tighter.
Xu Yuan came near me and said, "Don't worry, I know you are new to this field and this is just a mild romantic scene, nothing to worry about. And if you ever feel uncomfortable while shooting the scene then just tell me hm?" he said to me.
He is a determined actor, nothing to worry about. I get up from my chair where I was sitting while memorizing my lines, then I moved to the exact spot of the scene and stand there. Xu Yuan also came in his character and slowly slowly came near me. I have started crying, I need to because it is written in the scene. Then Xu Yuan came near me, holds my hand, pulls me towards him in a tight hug—a hug that melts your soul—and starts rubbing my back to soothe me and make me feel relaxed.
My legs went numb. I have started feeling weak, like if one more second I stay like this, I'll faint. I have started murmuring to myself under my breath, "Director Li please say cut, please, I can't do it anymore, I can't."
Then finally, the moment I was waiting for finally, finally arrived—Director Li finally said, "Ok, perfect, cut."
The moment Director Li said cut, I broke the hug so fast like a lightning. Xu Yuan is quite shocked by seeing this reaction, then before he can ask me anything, I went back to my room. I locked the door from inside and take out my water bottle from my bag and splash it on my face and said, "Relax, relax," while placing my hand on my heart. I said, "Don't react like this, don't, just don't. Everything is normal, see? Stop. Just stop beating this much fast Mr. Heart, it feels like you'll come out of my body."
I drink the water from the bottle and ask myself, "Why? Why did you react like this with his one touch? Why? I have told you earlier that nothing, nothing gonna happen in the way you want, then what is this behaviour Mr. Heart? What is this behaviour? Please behave please."
Then someone knocks outside the door and said, "Mam you can get home now, Director Li has went for some urgent work so we'll resume the shooting from tomorrow onwards." Then that person went after giving me this information.
I exhale sharply and get up to change my costume.
After a while, when I opened the door of my room and came out from there, I see that there are only few crew members left here who are still packing their stuff. I started moving towards the outside, but my eyes are searching for Yang Lulu, but she is not here. I asked myself why she didn't tell me before going, she didn't even give me a proper bye. And while thinking this in my mind, I bumped into someone and fall on the ground. While looking down at myself, I said to that person, "Sorry, sorry, did you get hurt?"
Then the reply came, "No, I am not hurt, you are the one who got hurt."
I immediately recognised his voice and I look up, and his tall body is standing there in front of me. He offers me his hand to get up from the ground, but I refused it and get up from the ground on my own. I just said, "Sorry Xu Yuan," and start moving away from there, but he holds my wrist and takes me back in front of him. Then he bends down to my level and said, "Why do I always feel like you are running away from me? Am I any kind of monster?"
I nodded my head in no. He is still holding my wrist; he didn't know, but it affects me so badly.
Then his eyes changed into something in a different mode and he said, "I just came here to check on you."
"Check on me?" I repeated it quite shockingly.
"Hm," he said. His usual hm that he uses in his drama series also. I am used to this hm. Then he said, "I just wanna know are you ok? I mean you just immediately went to your room after the scene, I hope you are alright."
I said, "Yes Xu Yuan, there is nothing to do with you, it's a scene, just a normal hug scene between the lead pairs of the drama series. But I am new in this industry so it's my own problem, nothing to do with anyone." Then I take a pause after saying this and ask him, "Tell me how's you doing? I mean how are you now? Is your shoulder still hurts? Did you went for check up after coming back from your fan meet event?"
He looks quite amazed and said, "Hm, I am fine. Do you know that I went for fan meet event?"
"Yes of course, it's everywhere on Weibo, how can I not see it? Why you always forget that you are the Xu Yuan, the most famous actor in China," I said.
He smiles a little and said, "Are you complementing me?"
I said, "I–I–I was just giving you the information about you."
"About me? Ok," he said.
Then I see my hand that he is still holding and said, "Xu Yuan I am going now."
He said, "Hm ok, go."
I repeated it again, "Xu Yuan I am going."
"Yes, why are you announcing it? Just go," he said so casually, so casually that he didn't know anything. Then I take a deep breath and said, "Xu Yuan how can I able to go if you hold me like this?"
He saw my hand and immediately drops it and said, "Sorry, sorry I was just—"
"It's ok," I said.
"Wait, your wrist becomes red, is it because of me? Did I hold it that tight? Why it's so red?" he asked in quite confusion.
I take a deep breath and said, "No Xu Yuan, not your fault, my skin is just like this. See?" I pinched my hand lightly, very lightly, and a light coloured red line—very light, very hard to see—appears. "See? Does it mean I hurt myself?" I asked him.
He said, "No."
"Ok, now I need to leave," I said.
"Zhao Shiza, tell me truly, didn't I make you uncomfortable because of me while doing the scene? Trust me, if it really did, I didn't mean to," he said.
"No Xu Yuan, why are you still thinking about that? I have told you already, you didn't. It was just a cute hug scene between the lead pair, nothing more," I said.
"Cute hug scene," he repeated.
Before he can ask me further questions, I went from there and said, "Now I am going, bye bye Xu Yuan, see you tomorrow."
He waved back his hand while looking straight in front of my eyes, and then I turn around and start walking towards the bus stop...