We went out on the road and found a hotel near Jing An Shangri-La. I stopped Wang Ruoxi before entering the hotel and said, "Wang Ruoxi, don't you think staying here just for one night will be quite expensive?"
"Aiyaa, Zhao Shiza, you know what? The overthinker of Shanghai award goes to Miss Zhao Shiza," Wang Ruoxi said and laughed a little while saying it.
"What is there to overthink about?" I said while looking at the front door of the hotel. "Okay, okay, we are checking in now. Let's go."
Then she smiled and said, "That's like my Zhao Shiza. Come, let's get in. After all, we have to take only one room here, so the cost will not be too high for us."
Then we got inside the hotel, holding hands with each other. We reached the reception, and Wang Ruoxi asked the receptionist, "We want to take one room here. Can you please tell the price for that?"
The receptionist answered, "Yes, ma'am. The price for one room is ¥6,188 CNY per night."
"Okay, we are booking it," Wang Ruoxi said.
"Yes, sure, ma'am. Here are your keys. It's on the first floor, room no. 1001," the receptionist said to us.
We took the keys from her and started moving towards the first floor. Then we reached our room, opened it, and got inside.
"Ooo, finally we got a room for today," Wang Ruoxi said while lying on the bed.
I smiled and said, "Yes, you are right." Then I went to the restroom to freshen up. I washed my hands and face and looked at myself in the mirror. I said to myself, "Look at you, Zhao Shiza. What did you do with yourself? The most important thing in this world is that you should love yourself first. Because if you don't love yourself, no one else will ever be able to love you. And look at me here, who just forgot herself. But from now onwards, I'll focus on myself only — not Xu Yuan, not anyone. He is happy in his life, and I am happy in mine. No need to interfere with anything. Nothing. His girlfriend will surely be there with him to take care of him, and I am nowhere in his life. Just nowhere. Yes, repeat it, Shiza: nowhere. You don't even exist in his life, never."
Then I splashed water on my face forcefully, just like giving myself a slap with that water. I grabbed the towel, wiped my face, and came out of the restroom.
Wang Ruoxi was now sitting on the bed, using her phone very seriously, as if she was about to crack some deal. I smiled and said, "What, Wang Ruoxi? Are you texting your boyfriend? Or did he get jealous of me also, that you are staying with me in the hotel, hm? Tell, tell," I said, just to lighten up our mood.
Then Wang Ruoxi gave me a serious kind of look, took a deep sigh, and came near the corner of the bed where I was sitting. She said, while showing me her phone, "Look, he came back from Malaysia. His fan meet event went well there. A lot of people gathered. He ate and enjoyed food there. See, he posted a few photos on his Weibo account from that fan meet event. And see this, he was also featured in Malaysia's newspaper. Look at the picture of this article, and see this video of him at the airport where fans were waiting for him, wearing a black sweatshirt with 4 pockets, loose light brown jeans, and his usual cap and mask on it."
She was showing me all this and said, "See, Zhao Shiza, he is fine, okay? You don't need to worry about him. I can't see you dying for him when he didn't even care about you."
I looked away from her phone, put it down, and said, "You are right, Wang Ruoxi. I am healing. I am learning to live without him. But give me some time — I'll surely end all this fuss around me. And that will definitely come when he'll marry sommmm…"
I stopped there, like my tongue was not obeying me, it was not agreeing with my words. I tried again and said, "I know he'll someday marry…"
And again I stopped. Wang Ruoxi hugged me immediately. "Don't, Zhao Shiza. You don't need to force yourself. You don't need to say such words that hurt you. Don't just keep it in yourself. You don't need to speak this out," she said, rubbing my back.
I broke the hug and looked straight into her eyes, saying, "I need to… I need to, Wang Ruoxi, because then only I'll do justice to myself. Hurting myself for him is not right. It's affecting me. I really don't know how he got such a huge impact on me, how he affects me — I really don't. But I'll handle all this. I'll come out of this stronger than ever."
Wang Ruoxi hugged me again, this one tighter than the previous one, and she said while hugging me, "I'll definitely ask God — if it's never meant to be, then why did He let you fall for him this hard? I'll definitely do it."
I said, "No, Wang Ruoxi. We can't blame God for our stupidity and foolishness. God has nothing to do with this. It's all my fault I created this mess, and only I'll clear it out."
Wang Ruoxi broke the hug, cupped my face with both her hands, and said, "Just step back from this drama series project. Just cancel it."
I said, "No, Wang Ruoxi. The posters are already released, and half of the shooting is almost done. There are a lot of time, money, and effort invested by the whole cast and crew members. I can't let them down. And don't you know it's not Zhao Shiza's style to back off when she enters something? Never."
"You silly girl," Wang Ruoxi said, and then she lay on the bed. She didn't realize what she just said to me — "silly girl." He he he… she used to say this to me, but no, no, I need to sleep, it's late.
Then I switched off the lights, lay down on my side, opened my phone, and opened my Weibo account. I saw his picture. Seeing his picture while sleeping gives me a kind of rhythm to my sleep, and I closed my eyes while looking at it.
But Wang Ruoxi saw me from her side, and she noticed what was on my phone. She said while turning to her side of the bed, "This girl, God… even after all this, she looks at his photo to calm herself and sleep quietly. I don't know what's going to happen with her. God, my friend is very sensitive since childhood. She can't even bear someone else's pain. Please don't give her pain that her Mr. Heart couldn't handle. Please be gentle on her. Please."
And like this, the Shanghai night faded, and we both fell into a deep sleep. The night grew colder and darker, and Xu Yuan must be traveling on a flight to come back to Shanghai. "Have a safe journey, Xu Yuan," I murmured in my sleep while turning over. I didn't even realize what I said just now. Surely I'll forget it when I wake up in the morning…