17. "NOTHING FEELS THE SAME"
I can't hear music anymore, I don't get excited anymore, I barely look at girls anymore, my hair and my body has turned into the least of my worries. It hit me last night, the nigga that I used to be may never come back because that was all before, I never thought I would lose myself but here we are, all I had to do was to fall in love.
Lately I give no fuck about the person that I've once cared a world for, I barely think about her in a positive or lovely light and I hate it but this is where life has led us, last night she appeared in my dreams, I woke up wanting to call her but I had to remind myself that she ain't mine anymore.
I don't write about making love anymore, I don't bring my thoughts and emotions close to the L-word, it's in my best interest, the world we're living in is too hard for my heart, all I wanted was to live in love, all I did was fall in love, deeply and utterly, now I'm constantly fighting against my own heart, mind and soul.
Nothing feels the same anymore. Pain is creating a cold hearted monster in me, I live alone, I suffer the consequences of my decisions all by myself and I'm learning to live without the person that I love.
18. "FADE AWAY"
I can't play a fool for her love no more, I've spent the last six months of my life, trying, pleading, begging her to come back to my life, a little bit of hope had me thinking I stood a chance with her but I was just delusional.
I'm the one struggling here because I'm the one who was dumped, I'm the one facing challenges because I still love that girl but that doesn't mean I should close my eyes and keep doing the same thing, expecting different results.
The truth is she's moved far on from me and everything that involves me, she don't love me anymore, she doesn't care about me either, but the one thing that I've gotta do is take this pain and face it like a man.
I can't make her love me, I can't make her accept me, I can't force her to feel the same way I feel about her, I couldn't realise a thing, so I was just a fool, begging for her love, even doing that didn't mean a thing to her, I'm taking my foolish ass up out of here.
This journey hasn't been easy, it isn't about to be easy right now, I'm still gonna miss her, want her, I'm still gonna wish I could show her my love and share my time with her, I'm still gonna reminisce about her, just like every man that's in love but after some time, it will all fade away.
19. "DRUGIE"
How many fucking times do we gotta do this shit? She knows that one single text changes the mood, one little yes gives me false hope, just a "I'll think about it" sounds like a "Yes" to my delusional heart. This shit is starting to feel like danger, seems like I'm bout ready to lose my mind over this shit, one step forward, three steps back, stuck in one state, like a junkie, holding on to the hope that the plug is coming back.
20. "My Baby"
Forgive me if I'm crossing a line, honestly I don't care about boundaries at this point, my heart is giving me a hard time when it comes to letting her go, so I'm texting her about these thoughts in my head because I need my baby back.
As long as I'm not blocked, I will always blow up her phone, I just gotta let her know that being without her isn't a pleasant feeling and I need her to come back into my life because this heart of mine is restless without my baby. I refuse to torture myself with silence, so I'm gonna try one more time to reach out to her, hopefully this time I reach her heart for her to come back 'cause I need my baby here with me.
Nights like this make me wish I had a time machine, I wanna rewind time back to when I could easily pick up the phone and call her, stay on the phone until it's time to sleep, oh I need my baby back.
She's gonna have to forgive me if I'm disturbing her peace, I just hate this feeling of being without the one I love, I need to be back home.
My baby