1. "JUST LIKE THAT"
28 March 2024, morning time, I woke up to find out that I'm blocked on text and on call, I rushed to the store and I bought a sim card, my stomach was turning, I felt sick as a dog. I called her phone, she picked up because the number wasn't registered and when she heard my voice, she hung up within a damn second with a click of a tongue and then she blocked that number too.
Just like that, it was done, no second chance, no last chance, nothing, the first big fight led to a break up and then you claim that you fucking love a person, who you fooling? I couldn't understand it, I thought maybe I wasn't saying "I love you" the right way, I wrote books over and over again, tryna get my point across but I realise now that she never gave a fuck.
She never gave a fuck to try again, she never gave a fuck to hear me, I left her hundred of long paragraphs and she wouldn't give a damn to take a second out of her time, just to hear me. I thought maybe I wasn't begging enough, apologizing enough but actually, she never wanted to stay.
She left me at my lowest moment, just like that, no trying again, no taking a risk, she was gone, just like that, you could've sworn that I laid my hands on her or cheated but it was a misunderstanding and miscommunication.
2. "DID WE EVEN GO WRONG"
Could've sworn that these hands would be accepting hers for a night Prayer, you know when you find that one person and you just can't imagine yourself going on without her, that type of love and attachment turns into the deepest cut when it actually leaves your life.
People don't wanna talk about how hard is it to dettach yourself from something that you had hoped to have in your life forever but that's everybody else, I'm gonna write these words down because I wanna see this pain reach it's end, I'm tired of going spiral out of control.
I'm sitting here, wondering where did we go wrong, what did I do or say to make this heartbreak a living hell but then I ask myself did we even go wrong? My heart stays quiet but my brain says it all: I argued with her too many times, wasting time fighting about things that didn't mean shit, stressed her more than I loved her well.
I was so young with careless hands, with the best love in my hands and now I can only see her life through the phone as if we were never a thing. Could've sworn that these hands would be accepting hers for a night Prayer, you know when you find that one person and you just can't imagine yourself going on without her, that type of love and attachment turns into the deepest cut when it actually leaves your life.
3. "IN THE NAME OF LOVE"
On the 28th of September, it'll be 18 months since I came out of a relationship and I haven't touched anybody else after her, I heard that she's falling in love with a new guy and I've probably witnessed her moving on more than once. 18 months later and it's become pretty clear to see who really loved who, I loved her for real and she was just on her move.
I haven't touched anybody nor fell in love since she chose to leave me, for the first 12 months, it wasn't clear who really loved who but now it's so clear to see and I wish I knew about this early on 'cause I would keep my heart out of the crossfire, now I'm left with burns.
The last time I felt a connection, love, warmth and close to somebody was with her and I can't say the same shit for her, now it's clear to see who really loved who.
I chose to stay in love alone, I chose to love her when she didn't give a fuck about me, I chose her over every single girl that tried to love me and when I knew that I don't mean shit to her, I still fucking chose her, how foolish was I?
18 months later and it's pretty clear to see who really loved who, I stayed stuck in a place of misery, waiting for her to notice or hear me, I tried to fix things, I tried to prove my love but she just didn't give a single fuck.