I've watched so many romance movies, so many and each & every one of them ended in pain, in "The Fault In Our Stars", the guy died and left Hazel Grace in sorrow, I learned about the most innocent love in "10 Feet Away", yet it ended terribly and I can name a lot more but the point I'm making is, even though I witnessed all those loves turning into pain, I still believed that my love story would be a different story to tell.
I mean, of course I was not that foolish to think that there would be no challenges but I never thought that the qoute, "If two people love each other, there could be no happy ending to it", would be true in my reality. I was 19 years old when I fell in love for the first time, after so many flings and sexual relationships, I laid my eyes on the most beautiful person I've ever seen, time passed by and I fell in love.
I fell in love with the idea of us being us 10 years later, I fell in love with the thought of us being everything that we never saw in our worlds, I thought that finally God has given me a reason to love, my first love, I made thousands of promises to her and one of them was that I'd never stop loving her.
But, like all the loves that I've seen, one of the two always leaves the other and that's what happened to me. I thought that my first love would be my eternal love, even though I couldn't stand the thought of giving my love to another being, I still gave my love to her.
I was 20 years old when she gave me my first heartreak, I literally watched my life fall apart and burn down to ashes, I couldn't tell the difference between my life and the ground. I stopped living, I stopped believing in everything and all the stuff that I knew of before her was wiped out and erased. *chuckles*
I couldn't hold a conversation with a girl anymore, I lost the interest in having sex with multiple girls, I stopped enjoying going out of the house, I stayed in the room, day after day, night after night, drowning in my sorrows, while the world went around.
I have written our story ten times already, thinking maybe literature will change the ending, but after the last word in every novel that I've written, I was still heartbroken, I felt like the world is ending, my world.I hadn't found myself before her and I still wasn't myself when I was with her, I was just this 19 year old boy, who believed that something that was once nothing would be a miracle to complete his world.
We didn't make up, in movies they did, in my novels we did, we didn't give it anothe chance, well I tried, a million times and more, but she wanted to be everywhere but here. I created a wound in my heart, each time my heart beats, the blood flows over the wound and I constantly feel the same fucking pain, every single second of day.
It has been almost two years but I'm still trying to erase our memories, our path and our chapters. Loving her has been the worst thing I ever did, because ever since she left, I have not been able to live my own life because of loving her.
I've been through too much beyond the heartbreak, I'm supposed to beat this little pain and move on from it but there's this part of me that keeps bringing me back to this place that I don't wanna be in anymore.
*chuckles again*. If you look at her and then you take a look at me, you can tell the difference, you can tell who's suffered from the breakup. She's grown into a young, beautiful woman, that's good for her, but I'm here man, stuck in the ghost and shadows of the fucking past!
I'm a mess, sometimes I can't even breathe, sometimes I can't sleep, I'm a mess, I'm losing my mind and I just keep holding on to the thought of waking up one day and have no emotion, thought of her, I hold on to that hope, I wanna heal, I wanna be free from this, whatever "this" is, I wanna live my life again, I wanna forget that I ever met her, I wanna let it all go, I just don't know where to start but I don't wanna be in this dark place anymore.
So through all of this, I have come to realise that romance is just a sum of thousand words that is portrayed by two people and it's meant to be just that because in reality, love is not a good thing...
THE END.