This book is the final installment to the 5-part series of books that tell the journey of dealing with the first love's heartbreak. This book describes the emotions surrounding the hardships of a heartbreak, the challenges of moving on from the best love the writer has ever found, in some moments he finds himself in a delusion state, leading his heart on but he soon comes to realise that the one thing he wants to have back and keep may not meant to be his.

That is the sentiment that this final installment carries.

For so long, it feels like this pain has had a tight hold on me and it seems like the more I try to heal it, the worser it becomes, there's nobody to talk to about these emotions because everybody only listens to lay a judgement as if they don't got their own.


I've lost sight over so many things because of this pain, every good girl that I came across never got the chance to see the best of me, all they experienced was the worst parts of Theodore and I'm only realising now how fortunate I was to find those couple of girls.


A good guy would be well equiped to start over with one of these girls, because they offered me comfort in times of loneliness, they tried to give me affection in my times of hurt but I was too caught up in my ways to even care about anything.


I don't wanna feel this pain anymore, because instead of building me up, it's tearing me down and it'll be the end of me if I'm not careful..


It has took me a lot of unrevealed tears, a lot of sleepless nights and anxiety episodes for me to make this decision, I come to realise that it doesn't matter how much love I hold in my heart for her, it will always be not enough for her, I can't spend any more of my life trying to mak her love me.


It doesn't matter what I feel when I think about, it doesn't matter what it's in my heart and it doesn't matter what's on my wishlist about her, I've got a life to live and these feelings aren't doing me any good.


I can't even do good for myself, I keep indulging in empty lust, chasing sex and fun, doing wrongs and sins just to cope with my pain and misery, I wanna be happy too, I wanna have good days and beautiful nights too, I really do.


Loving her doesn't matter when it comes to her loving me back, there's some things in life that you just gotta make peace with, enough of this.


Love has it's worst enemy now, I don't wanna be close to it, I don't know more of it and I don't want a taste nor a place in love, the only thing this damn word has ever done to me is take and not give, I don't believe in love and I don't want shit to do with it.


Chapter 10 - EXTENED VERSION