The royal palace sparkled with gold and white marble, chandeliers blazing, velvet banners fluttering proudly.It was supposed to be a formal diplomatic banquet — nobles, dignitaries, and the "Saint of Fluff," all gathered for a night of refined peace talks.
Unfortunately, Keika was there.
"Why am I here?" Keika muttered flatly, sitting at the head table, flanked by tigers in suits, rabbits holding silver trays, and birds circling the chandeliers like feathery drones."Because," Leonhart said with a blinding smile, "it's your royal debut!"
"I'm not royal," Keika said."You have a throne," Leonhart countered."It's a chair," Keika corrected. "And it squeaks."
The red-eyed tiger leaned close.
"My King, your people await your blessing.""…I don't have people. I have fur, feathers, and trauma," Keika sighed.
The Banquet Begins
A noblewoman fainted the moment a rabbit politely offered her a drink.
"I–It spoke!" she shrieked before collapsing.
A bird dove down and fanned her unconscious body with its wings.
"Air circulation provided," it squawked proudly.
"…Thank you?" Keika said, unsure whether to be impressed or horrified.
At the far end of the hall, tigers were attempting to eat daintily, pinkies raised, but every bite made the table quake.
"Manners," Keika reminded weakly."We are attempting, My King," one tiger replied, before snapping a silver fork in half.
"…Good effort," Keika muttered. "Ten points for trying."
Hero Party Returns
Then the banquet doors burst open.
BOOM!
A swirl of light, smoke, and heroic theme music.The same hero party stumbled in, swords drawn.
"Saint of Fluff!" the warrior shouted. "Your reign ends here!""…Oh, not again," Keika sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Leonhart clapped his hands together.
"Welcome, guests! You're just in time for dessert!"
"DESSERT?!" the rogue yelled. "We came to slay the monster!"
The red-eyed tiger rose from his seat, towering over the heroes.
"Which one of you dares interrupt the King's pudding time?"
"…He has a pudding time?" the mage whispered in disbelief.
Rules Enforcement
Before anyone could move, a rabbit hopped onto the banquet table, wearing a tiny monocle.
"Ahem. Rule Number One: No combat during mealtime. Violators will be penalized."
The warrior frowned.
"By what penalty?"
The rabbit snapped its paw.A squad of birds swooped down, stealing the hero party's weapons.
"Penalty applied," the rabbit said smugly.
"…I've entered Hell," Keika muttered, rubbing his temples."Correction," Leonhart said, "Heaven. Specifically, the Heavenly Fluff Kingdom!"
"I want a refund," Keika deadpanned.
Nobles in Panic
The nobles were already collapsing like dominoes.A duke fainted into a soup bowl.A baroness screamed when a bird landed on her wig.Another noble tried to sneak out, only for a tiger to "escort" him back—by gently picking him up with its teeth.
"Please don't eat the nobility," Keika begged."We are merely preventing escape," the tiger replied solemnly."Yeah, that's exactly what predators say," Keika muttered.
Hero Party Realization
The mage finally lost patience.
"This is insane! We came to slay an evil king, not attend a zoo tea party!"
Keika slammed his hands on the table.
"THANK YOU! Finally, someone gets it!"
Everyone froze.The rabbits tilted their heads.The tigers blinked.Even Leonhart stopped mid-sip of wine.
Keika pointed dramatically at the hero party.
"You! You're the first humans who make sense in this world!"
"Eh?" the rogue said, bewildered."You're still wrong, though," Keika continued, deadpan. "I'm not an evil king. I'm just… the world's most overqualified babysitter for creatures who think they're people."
Banquet Meltdown
Then, as if fate wanted to prove him right, one tiger accidentally sneezed—sending a whole roast duck flying into the ceiling.The rabbits screamed.The birds began aerial pursuit.Leonhart cheered.
"Catch it! The Sacred Duck of Prosperity!"
Keika buried his face in his hands.
"…This isn't dinner. This is divine punishment."
The rogue dodged a falling dessert tray.
"He's… he's not evil. He's cursed.""Yeah," the mage muttered, ducking under a flying spoon. "Cursed with bad luck and good hair."
Within minutes:
Tables overturned
Nobles fainted
Birds shrieked
Rabbits conducted "Order Restorations" by pelting guests with bread rolls
Tigers debated proper napkin folding techniques in the middle of combat
And Keika?
He just stood there, holding a teacup.
"…I give up," he said. "Let chaos reign."
A small notification popped up in midair.
[New Title Acquired: Lord of Fluff and Social Disasters]
[Effect: All civilized gatherings within 50 meters automatically devolve into slapstick farce.]
Keika blinked.
"…Yeah, that checks out."
Hours later, the banquet hall was a wasteland of feathers, fur, and unconscious nobles.The hero party sat slumped against a pillar, disheveled but alive.
"You know what?" the warrior said weakly. "Let's… just leave him alone.""Agreed," the rogue muttered."He's not a villain," the mage sighed. "He's… cosmic comedic balance incarnate."
Keika gave them a tired thumbs-up.
"Glad you understand. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to apologize to seventeen tigers and a rabbit monarchy."
Leonhart grinned.
"Splendid banquet, wasn't it?"
"No," Keika said, sipping his tea amid the wreckage. "It was war. With forks."
Later that night, as Keika trudged to his quarters, birds perched on his shoulders, rabbits tucked into his coat pockets, and tigers padded behind him like bodyguards.
"Maybe tomorrow will be normal," he muttered.
A glowing quest window appeared.
[Upcoming Event: Fluff Kingdom Sports Festival — Host Participation Mandatory.]
Keika stared at the glowing letters.
"…Of course. Of course there's a sports festival."
He looked to the ceiling, deadpan.
"Gods of this world… I hate you."