The town of Arvale smelled like bread, smoke, and capitalism.
Every corner had someone shouting about potions, enchanted socks, or miracle tonics that "totally" cured curses.
Lila led me through the busy streets, smiling like she'd just rescued a stray cat.
Which, in her defense, she kind of had.
"Ren, the Adventurer's Guild is just up ahead! Once you register, you can take quests, earn gold, and-"
"-and get roped into unpaid manual labor. Yeah, I'm familiar with the system."
She puffed her cheeks. "You're so negative!"
"I'm realistic. This world runs on unpaid enthusiasm."
The Guild looked impressive-like a mix between a tavern, post office, and chaos incarnate. Adventurers lounged around, comparing scars and flexing egos.
A receptionist with sharp eyes and sharper paperwork greeted us.
Her nameplate read: Clara, Administrative Overlord.
"Welcome to the Adventurer's Guild! New registrant?"
"Yes!" Lila said brightly, pushing me forward like a broken shopping cart.
I saluted weakly. "Ren. Lazy. Mildly cursed. Here to, uh, fulfill bureaucratic destiny."
Clara blinked. "…Right. Please fill out this form."
She handed me a mountain of parchment. I stared at it like it was an ancient dragon.
"There's… a lot of boxes."
"Just basic info-name, age, magic type, blood type, allergies, personal philosophy-"
"Yeah, no. I'm allergic to paperwork."
"Sir, you cannot be allergic to paperwork."
"Watch me."
Eventually, after Lila filled everything out for me (saint), Clara stamped my form and handed me a wooden card engraved with my name:
Adventurer Registration: Ren Arkwright
Rank: F (Fail-tier)
Special Skill: Master of Procrastination
Notes: "Watch closely. He might not."
"Congrats!" Lila said, clapping. "You're officially an adventurer!"
"Cool. What now?"
"Well, you pick a beginner quest! Maybe collecting herbs, or slaying slimes, or-"
"Sleeping in a bush until further notice?"
"REN!"
I eventually took a quest called "Find the Lost Cat of Mrs. Potberry."
Sounded simple. Easy XP. No murder.
Turns out, Mrs. Potberry's cat was a Class D Shadow Familiar that could teleport, phase through walls, and hiss Latin curses.
After an hour of running, dodging fireballs, and re-evaluating my life, I used my "Master of Procrastination" skill.
The cat froze mid-pounce. I gently picked it up, handed it back, and got 5 gold coins.
"See?" I told Lila. "Minimal effort, maximum reward."
She sighed. "That's… actually impressive in a horrible way."
Later that night, back at the guild tavern, Clara approached with her ledger.
"Mr. Ren," she said. "Your guild card?"
I patted my pockets. Then my bag. Then my soul.
"…Gone."
"You lost it already?!"
"I prefer the term misplaced indefinitely."
Clara's smile twitched. "That card costs 50 gold to replace."
I checked my pouch. Five gold.
Lila whispered, "Maybe we can take a few more quests-"
"Or," I said, "we fake my death and start over under a new name."
"REN!"
Next Chapter:
The Priestess Thinks I'm Useful (She's Wrong)