September 28, 1980
I don't know why but ever since the 21st, I've played 2 more games. I don't know why I went 3 times in a week, usually people have to wait another week I'd assume. I'm guessing they aren't getting as many desperate people as they hoped for and they want more entertainment from our suffering. Although I think they are targeting me because I don't give expressions like they want me to. It's just a hunch and I can't tell if it's the truth, however I have noticed that I've done more games than the others. Everyone has done 2 games this week, yes even Riley. Man, was he destroyed. You'd think after killing one person, you start to get a little desensitized to killing someone and not completely react as hard as Riley did. The first time when he came back from those games alive, he looked like he saw a pig get its head chopped off and bleed out in front of his face. I haven't seen that much fear in someone ever since I watched The Shining with my older sister. She was very pale, I do miss those moments with her. You know, before I came in here. For most of the day, he spent time in his room, all guilty that he had killed 3 people in a week. I told him that makes two of us, and I learned we don't have the same humor. Anyways back to the two people I killed, I killed one guy that was tearing up. I think it was one of those new people that walked in with Riley and that dude was a wreck. He couldn't even hold a gun properly. It was also clear he didn't know how to play the game, and you know usually people would try to make it easier for the beginner, but if losing means you have to die then sorry but somebody has to die and that person isn't gonna be me. He died only the third time because he thought if he put the gun to his own head like I did, maybe it wouldn't blow his head off. He was wrong. Oh boy was he terribly wrong. Then another guy that had these stitches on his head was next. He was probably the first person to actually make me uncomfortable and relieved that I shot him because something about his smile was so unnatural and the fact he looked like he did not fear death or hell, felt anything was pretty freaky. I mean I might not either, but there are some moments where I felt at least one singular emotion. We were completely different in that regard. It took me a while to learn that the person I killed had a lobotomy before they came here. Riley told me that he talked to the guy. Apparently the guy at a young age had a lobotomy illegally and because of that, he couldn't show or feel any other emotion and just kept smiling. Riley said the guy was a nice person even though it was hard to understand some of his words from him slurring them a lot. As a matter of fact, I remember that Riley used to act so protective of him and especially when people talked about him. Riley stood up for the guy even if he got in danger and then I had to try and get the fight to stop. It's something I don't normally do, but I really don't need to hear how much pain Riley was in at night after getting his ass kicked by 5 men. Riley said his name was Lance, but some of the guys used to call him Loco Lance. Looking back at it now, That's pretty messed up. I did shoot him though so maybe I did some good in ending his suffering. I've never really met the guy, but hey I guess he sounded decent for a person in here so I can respect that. I've also been stealing a lot of things lately. The crazy thing I learned about here is that if a guy leaves and doesn't come back, you can simply take the guy's stuff from his cell and keep it to yourself, and once I heard that anytime someone would leave and not come back, I'd run to their room and grab as much stuff I want. I know it's bad, but who's gonna tell? The guards? They could not give a hoot about us. Like yesterday, someone was choking on a chip and they almost died in front of a guard! The only reason they survived was because they were able to drink something and swallowed the chip before their untimely demise. If that doesn't show you how sadistic these people are, I don't know what does. I'd hate to be in that situation, but I got Riley who is too much of a goody toshoes to let me die. Can't say the same for that guy. I don't know anything I could think of that could happen that doesn't have Riley saving the day. I don't know, I've been thinking a lot about him recently. I was talking to him during lunch time and I asked him how he can be so nice to people that don't want it. I seen him furrow his eyebrows when he spoke
"Because, why change myself to fit in an environment that obviously needs to be saved. If we don't try to do good, then what are people good for? Being burdens to others, I don't think that's a life to live." like I said goody toshoes, but I guess you need delusional people like him in here to make this place not as shitty when everyone has given up.
"You know, people aren't gonna change just because you're nice to them. For all you know they could be using you." I said. Riley crossed his arms and smirked,
"Then how did I become your friend?"
That line still rings in my head. How did he become my "friend"? If you can even call us that. But to be fair, there are so much things you need to look out for that sometimes you'd rather be with the things that you don't need to fear. It's hard to explain. Riley knows a lot about me which is kind of weird in a way, but I don't know too much about him. Does that make me bad? I don't think so but nor do I care. Look, as long as I get what I want it doesn't matter how much I know about him. Besides, what if he dies one day, everything I would have known about him would be a waste because he'll be gone. Speaking about Riley, like I said he killed 2 people and felt very guilty. I asked who he killed and said he killed some short midget and a blond man. Hm. It's quite funny, honestly. Riley doesn't find it funny. Although in my opinion he needs better humor because when you're with me, dark humor is where it's at. But he'll do him and I'll do me, I guess. Whatever, well I'm gonna see what more items to steal, maybe I can find some more goodies.