September 21, 1980
I knew that today something was gonna happen. I just felt it in my gut that I was right. While I was eating with Riley, a couple of guards came in and stood in front of the doorway. They called multiple people to play their "harmless" little game. Unfortunately, my name was called on and I couldn't help but feel my heart drop from that. From the side of me I heard Riley say "good luck" with a smile on it. It didn't help me, especially when Riley doesn't even know what he got himself into and where I was going to. I walked with a group of men down the hall as I dreaded the idea of dying if I lost this game. I looked through the windows that were on the walls to my right. There was a lot of dry blood on the walls, the table, the door. The stench made me want to hurl. When we were in front of the guards, they put us in different rooms. I was put in a room with some purple haired guy with a mullet. He looked very ugly. When I saw his grin, he had yellow teeth and a big ass nose. His appearance alone justified me to want to win the game. Granted I've never played Russian Roulette, but I feel like either dying or killing this guy is a risk I'm willing to take. It sounds mean writing this I know, but I knew this guy. I think his name was Terrance and he was basically the equivalent to a school bully except if he doesn't get his way, he won't beat you up, but he would plan your downfall and blame another person for it. He's an ass, and also he took my food tray one time when I finally had some money to buy food. Killing him would avenge my food and the hard work I spent to get that. It also probably would be a relief to people in here since they don't have to worry about a master planner trying to kill them if they don't do something like clean his boots the way he likes it or something. We sat in our seats and waited for the guards to put a gun on the table. Before they did though, Terrance started to talk to me.
"Looks like you have some bad luck here." I asked him "why" and he said this exact sentence,
"Because I have killed 8 people already. Just 2 more left for me, and you're my 9th. At this point you should shoot yourself so at least it can be on your own terms." I couldn't help but scoff at him. His tone felt so condescending. It felt like a trick to me, but I didn't want to underestimate him if he was telling the truth.
"Alright, we'll see." I said. The room went silent after that until the guard came with the gun. When he came towards the table and stood in front of us, he loaded the gun with one bullet. Then rolled the cylinder twice, just to tease us and make us afraid. I was worried, but when I looked at Terrance he was grinning hard. I couldn't help, but notice he looked nervous as well as his perfect looking grin was faltering slightly. When the guard put the gun on the table, he pointed to me to start it off. I took the gun and raised it to Terrance's head and shot. The bullet didn't come out. I gave the gun to Terrance, he put the gun to himself and when he pulled the trigger. Nothing. When he gave me the gun, I saw him sizing me up, acting like he just won the lottery in my face. He was trying to show me that he was tougher than me, but I wanted to show that back to him and humble him. So I put the gun up to my head and pulled the trigger and nothing. I heard him chuckle when I gave him back the gun. The fear crept into my body as he held the gun towards my face.
"I told you, you weren't gonna make it." he said before he shot the gun. My life flashed before my eyes. Until I realized. I didn't die. I looked and saw the horror in Terrance's face as he lowered his arm on the table and let go of the gun. There was only one shot and it was a guaranteed shot. I grabbed the gun and pointed it at him. I saw who he really was when I pointed it at him. That tough guy persona melted away as he was there looking like he was about to cry. I saw his pleading eyes, shaking that his life was in the hands of me now. Hoping that I wouldn't kill him and let him live. I couldn't help, but smirk. This fear in him was karma for his past actions. Usually people would feel bad about taking a human life, but when I pulled that trigger, it took me until I got out of the room and into the main room when I realized what I had done. I took a life away with little remorse for it. My heart beat was still moderate. My hands didn't shake when I loaded that lead in his head. I should have felt something for taking a life, deserved or not. But honestly… I still didn't feel anything. Sure I knew how wrong it was, but I lacked the empathy I should have had. I think something is wrong with me. I don't think I'm human. Although what I do know, I did help some people. Everyone who did things for Terrance look less on edge now. They looked grateful that they no longer had to deal with him any longer. At least I did some good there. However, When I came to my cell, I saw Riley laying on his bed. I tried to shake him to know I was here, but he didn't look at me. I called out his name, but no answer. I didn't understand why he was like this, so instead of bothering him, I went up on my top bunk to rest. Only after a couple of hours was it when Riley came up to my bunk and shook me. I turned my head to look at him, but to my surprise, I saw Riley with a red mark on cheek.
"What the hell happened to you?" I asked him. He looked a bit upset about it.
"This guy tried to get me to do things on him that I'd rather not go into detail about it. Then we got into a fight in the bathroom and he left this mark on me." Riley explained. That was startling to say the least. I still don't know why I felt so bothered by that. I felt defensive and kind of angry.
"Where is he now?" I asked. Riley looked away and had this guilty expression on his face. I asked him again with a little bit more aggression to it rather than my usual monotone ways. Riley looked afraid, but he wasn't scared enough to tell me the truth.
"I killed him. When we were fighting, I pushed him and made his head hit the tile floor and bled out." Riley's face had so many emotions that said everything to me. He was sad, afraid and even wanted to cry from the stress. I didn't know how to help him calm down. Usually when I'm sad I try to forget it, but I knew that wasn't how most people operate. So with what little I could do, I patted his shoulder and said,
"You defended yourself. That's all that matters." I knew those words were not what Riley wanted to hear, but I didn't know what to say. I offered that I'd pay this time for lunch. Riley nodded and smiled, but I saw how weak he was, how exhausted and scared he was. To make him feel better, he said he needed something to hug, so I gave him my pillow to use for when he sleeps. I still don't have it on me, he's been holding onto that thing tight. The bed frame really isn't that comfortable to sleep on so I sort of wish I didn't give it to him. It's been a long couple of days here, I just need some rest. I'll try to get as much rest as possible for tomorrow. Maybe then this feeling might go away.