I decided something the next morning.
I wasn't going to chase anybody.
Not Ethan.
Not love.
Not "almost" anything.
If someone wants me, they should come correct.
I'm not begging for space in anyone's life.
So I muted his chat.
Not blocked.
Not deleted.
Just… muted.
Because seeing his name pop up every five minutes was messing with my head.
I needed silence.
And for the first time in weeks, my phone stayed quiet.
No good morning text.
No random meme.
No "have you eaten?"
It shouldn't hurt.
But it did.
It felt like when you stop talking in a group chat just to see if anyone notices you're gone… and nobody does.
The day dragged.
Lectures felt longer. The sun felt hotter. Even my music annoyed me.
I kept telling myself, You're fine. You were fine before him. You'll be fine after him.
But it's funny how someone can enter your life for just a few weeks and rearrange everything like they own the place.
By evening, I was tired. Mentally tired.
I decided to walk home instead of taking a bus. I needed air.
The sky was turning orange, soft and calm, like nothing bad had ever happened under it.
I had my earphones in, volume low, head down.
That was when I heard it.
"Mira!"
I froze.
I knew that voice too well.
I turned slowly.
Ethan.
Jogging toward me.
Slightly out of breath like he'd been looking for me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked before I could stop myself.
"I've been calling you," he said. "Your phone's not going through."
Oh.
Right.
Muted.
"Phone's acting up," I lied.
He studied my face like he didn't believe me.
"You've been avoiding me."
"I haven't."
"You have."
His voice wasn't angry. Just… tired.
Like he didn't understand what he did wrong.
And that somehow made it worse.
We stood there awkwardly on the sidewalk while people passed us like we were invisible.
"I didn't see you today," he said quietly. "You didn't even look at me."
I shrugged. "You were busy."
"With Lena?" he asked.
I didn't answer.
Because yes.
Because obviously.
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He only did that when he was stressed.
"It's not what you think."
I almost laughed.
That sentence should be illegal. Nobody has ever said that and meant something good.
"Then what is it, Ethan?" I asked softly. "Explain it to me."
"She just needed help settling in. That's all. She doesn't know anyone here."
"And you're the only person she has?" I asked.
He hesitated.
That tiny pause again.
God, I hated that pause.
"We've known each other for years," he said. "It's different."
Different.
There it was again.
That word that made me feel small.
"So what are we?" I asked before I could stop myself.
He blinked. "What?"
"What are we, Ethan?" My voice cracked a little. Embarrassing. "Because I don't want to be competing with someone's history. I don't want to feel stupid every time you're with her."
"You're not competing," he said quickly.
"But I feel like I am."
Silence.
Cars passed.
Wind blew.
My heart was beating so loud I could hear it in my ears.
"I like you," he said finally. "A lot. You know that."
"But?"
"There's no but."
"There's always a but."
He stepped closer.
Too close.
Close enough that I could see the tiny scar near his eyebrow. The one he got from childhood. Close enough to smell his soap.
"Don't do this," he said softly.
"Do what?"
"Push me away before we even try."
I looked at him.
Really looked.
And that's when I noticed it.
Fear.
He looked scared too.
Not just me.
Like he was afraid of losing something.
Or someone.
"Mira," he whispered, "don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you're already saying goodbye."
My chest tightened painfully.
Because the truth?
A part of me already was.
I didn't want to fall deeper if there was a chance I'd hit the ground alone.
"I just don't want to get hurt," I said.
He nodded slowly. "Me too."
For a moment, neither of us spoke.
Then his phone buzzed.
We both looked down.
Lena.
Calling.
Of course.
Of course it was her.
He didn't pick up immediately.
He looked at me instead.
Like he was choosing.
Like he didn't know which side to face.
And that moment?
That moment broke something inside me.
Because love shouldn't feel like a decision between two people.
It shouldn't feel like an exam.
It shouldn't feel like you're second place.
"Pick up," I said quietly.
"What?"
"Pick up. She might need you."
"Mira—"
"I'm fine," I lied.
He stared at me for a few seconds.
Then he answered the call.
And even though he stepped away to talk…
Even though I couldn't hear what he was saying…
I already knew.
I wasn't the only one in his heart.
And maybe…
Maybe I never was.
So while he stood there talking to her…
I turned around.
And walked away.
This time…
I didn't look back.