My heart wouldn't calm down.
It just kept beating like something bad was about to happen.
Or something life changing.
Maybe both.
I stared at Ethan's message for almost five minutes.
"I'm outside your place. Please come out. We need to talk."
Please.
He rarely said please.
That word felt heavy.
Dangerous.
Because "please" means someone is desperate.
And desperate people say things they can't take back.
I sat up on my bed and checked myself in the mirror.
My hair was messy. Eyes tired. Face dull.
Good.
Let him see what he's been doing to me.
I didn't even change my clothes. Just slipped on my slippers and walked outside.
The night air was cool and quiet. Streetlights flickering like they were tired too.
And there he was.
Leaning against his car.
Hands in his pockets.
Head down.
He looked… different.
Not calm Ethan.
Not smiling Ethan.
Just… stressed.
When he saw me, he straightened immediately.
Like he'd been waiting for hours.
"You came," he said softly.
"You said please," I replied.
For a second, we just stood there staring at each other.
And God…
Why does he still look at me like that?
Like I'm something fragile.
Like I matter.
It makes everything harder.
"Why have you been avoiding me?" he asked.
Straight to the point.
No hello.
No small talk.
I folded my arms. "I haven't."
"You have," he said. "You don't answer my calls. You disappear when you see me. You walked away yesterday like I did something terrible."
I laughed lightly.
"You didn't?"
He blinked. "What does that mean?"
I stepped closer.
"Ethan, do you know how stupid I feel these days?"
His face fell. "What?"
"Every time I see you with her, I feel like some side character in my own life."
"That's not fair—"
"No, let me talk," I said quietly.
Because if I didn't say it now, I never would.
"You say you like me. You say you want me. But you're always with Lena. Always picking her calls. Always running when she needs something."
"She's just—"
"History?" I cut in. "You keep calling her history like history doesn't still have your whole heart."
Silence.
That silence again.
The one I hate.
I swallowed hard.
"If you still love her, just say it," I said.
My voice shook a little.
Embarrassing.
But I kept going.
"Don't keep me here looking stupid. Don't make me compete with memories I can't even see. If you want her, Ethan… just say it properly and let me go."
The words hurt coming out.
Like I was cutting myself open.
But I needed the truth.
Even if it destroyed me.
He stared at me like I just slapped him.
"I don't love her," he said.
"Then why does it feel like you do?"
"I don't know!" he snapped.
We both froze.
He never raises his voice.
He ran a hand over his face, frustrated.
"I don't know, Mira. She was my first everything. First love. First heartbreak. First person I thought I'd marry. You don't just delete that overnight."
My chest tightened painfully.
First love.
First everything.
How do you compete with firsts?
"You see?" I whispered. "That's exactly what I'm talking about."
"But that doesn't mean I still want her," he said quickly. "It's just… complicated."
I shook my head.
Love shouldn't be this complicated.
It shouldn't feel like solving math.
It shouldn't hurt this early.
"When I'm with you," he continued, softer now, "it feels new. Calm. Easy. Like I can breathe. With her… it's just memories."
"Then why do you keep choosing the memories?" I asked.
He went quiet.
Because he didn't have an answer.
And that scared me more than anything.
Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.
"I can't be your maybe," I said. "I can't be the girl you try while you're still stuck on someone else."
"You're not a maybe," he said.
"Then what am I?"
He stepped closer.
Close enough that I could feel his breath.
Close enough that if I leaned forward, we'd touch.
"You're the one I'm scared of," he whispered.
I frowned. "What does that even mean?"
"You matter too much," he said. "Losing Lena hurt. But losing you feels like it would destroy me. And that scares the hell out of me."
My heart stuttered.
Damn him.
Why does he talk like this?
Why does he say things that go straight into my chest?
"So what are you saying?" I asked quietly.
"I'm saying I'm trying," he said. "But you keep walking away before I can prove anything."
"Because you keep making me doubt you!"
"I'm human, Mira!" he said. "I'm messy. I don't have everything figured out. But I'm here, aren't I? I'm standing here begging you not to shut me out."
Begging.
Ethan.
Begging.
Silence fell between us again.
Heavy.
Thick.
My heart and my brain fighting each other.
Run.
Stay.
Run.
Stay.
Then his phone buzzed.
We both looked down.
Lena.
Calling.
Again.
The world felt like it paused.
Like everything depended on this one second.
He looked at the phone.
Then at me.
Then back at the phone.
My chest hurt.
"Don't," I said softly.
He didn't move.
"Ethan… don't."
The phone kept ringing.
And this time…
He declined the call.
My breath caught.
He slid the phone back into his pocket.
Eyes still on mine.
"I'm here," he said quietly. "Not there. Here. With you."
My heart betrayed me again.
Because that small action?
It meant more than all his words.
But still…
Still…
I was scared.
Because love shouldn't feel like you're one phone call away from losing everything.
And I didn't know if I was brave enough for that kind of love.