I didn't cry.
Not outside.
Not on the road.
Not while people were passing me like everything was normal.
I kept my face straight.
Head up.
Steps steady.
Because there's something about crying in public that makes pain feel cheap.
And what I felt wasn't cheap.
It was heavy.
The kind that sits in your chest and refuses to move.
The kind that makes breathing feel like work.
I walked for almost thirty minutes before I realized I had no idea where I was going.
My earphones were still in my ears, but nothing was playing.
Just silence.
Just my thoughts.
And God… my thoughts were loud.
Maybe you're overreacting.
Maybe he just cares about her as a friend.
Maybe you're the problem.
I hated that voice.
The one that always blames me first.
But then another voice answered.
If he really wanted you, would you even be this confused?
That one hurt more.
Because it made sense.
When someone chooses you, you don't feel unsure.
You don't feel like you're fighting ghosts.
You don't feel like you're borrowing time.
You feel safe.
And with Ethan?
I felt happy.
But safe?
Never.
When I finally got home, I threw my bag on the floor and lay on my bed without even changing my clothes.
My phone buzzed.
I knew it was him.
I knew.
But I didn't check.
If I read his message, I'd forgive him too fast.
And I was tired of forgiving things that weren't even explained.
Buzz.
Buzz.
Buzz.
Three times.
Then silence.
Then one last buzz.
I stared at the ceiling for a full minute before finally picking up my phone.
Four messages.
Ethan:
"Where did you go?"
"Why did you leave like that?"
"Can we talk?"
"Please."
That last one almost broke me.
Almost.
But almost doesn't count.
It never does.
I locked my phone and tossed it beside me.
If I kept running to him every time he called, I'd lose myself.
And I promised myself something a long time ago.
No boy is worth losing yourself for.
No matter how soft his voice is.
No matter how safe his smile feels.
The next day, I avoided everywhere I knew he might be.
Different hallway.
Different café.
Different exit gate.
Childish?
Maybe.
Necessary?
Definitely.
Because every time I saw him, my heart forgot all the smart decisions my brain made.
Around noon, I went to buy a drink from the vending area.
And guess who was there.
Of course.
Life has a sick sense of humor.
Lena.
Alone.
Scrolling through her phone like she owned the place.
When she saw me, she smiled.
That same calm, confident smile.
"Hey, Mira," she said casually. "Long time."
Long time?
It's been like two days.
"Hi," I replied, trying to walk past.
"Wait," she said.
My steps stopped before my brain agreed.
"I just wanted to talk to you for a second."
I turned slowly. "About?"
"Ethan."
Of course.
Always Ethan.
She tilted her head slightly, studying me like I was a puzzle.
"You like him," she said.
Straight. No sugarcoating.
I crossed my arms. "And?"
She nodded like she expected that answer.
"He talks about you a lot."
My heart betrayed me and skipped.
"Oh," I said quietly.
"But…" she continued.
There's always a but.
"He's always been like this."
"Like what?"
"Soft with everyone. Easy to get close to. Hard to really keep."
Something about the way she said it made my stomach twist.
"What are you trying to say?" I asked.
She stepped closer.
Not aggressive.
Just sure.
"I'm saying don't fall too fast," she said gently. "Because Ethan doesn't even know what he wants half the time."
I laughed a little. Dry. "And you do?"
She didn't smile.
"I know him better than you think."
There it was.
Not rude.
Not loud.
But it hit harder than any insult.
History.
Years.
Memories.
Things I could never compete with.
She checked her phone and sighed. "Anyway… I just thought you should be careful."
"Why do you care?" I asked before I could stop myself.
For the first time, her expression softened.
"Because I've been you before."
My chest tightened.
"What does that mean?"
She looked away.
Then back at me.
"It means I once thought I was the only girl he'd ever choose too."
Silence.
The world suddenly felt too quiet.
Then she gave me a small smile and walked away.
Just like that.
Leaving me standing there.
Confused.
Shaking.
Because now I didn't know what scared me more.
Losing Ethan.
Or finding out she might be right.
That night, my phone buzzed again.
One message.
From Ethan.
"I'm outside your place. Please come out. We need to talk."
My heart started racing.
Fast.
Dangerous.
Because deep down…
I knew whatever happened next…
Was going to change everything.