I'll admit it:
I'm a genius.Not just any genius—thanks to my system upgrades, I'm the smartest being in this universe. Maybe the entire multiverse. So, naturally, inventing gunpowder in a world that still thinks bronze is cutting-edge wasn't exactly challenging.
Still, when the mixture finally ignited correctly during testing—perfect burn rate, perfect stability—I couldn't help but grin like a madwoman.
At last.
Our weapons could evolve beyond swords and spears.
Dr. Bright, standing beside me, clapped as if he were witnessing the second coming of science itself.
"At this rate," he said, "you're going to invent nukes before Rome even figures out toilets."
"I already invented plumbing," I reminded him smugly. "Try to keep up."
He rolled his eyes in that sarcastic Bright way, but I could tell he was impressed.He's smart—very smart—but I'm smarter.
And he knows it.
The Rise of Gunpowder Warfare
With our new formula perfected, we immediately began developing prototypes:
crude matchlock rifles
small hand cannon pistols
blast-based mining charges
early grenades
reinforced barrels using my enhanced metallurgy
It wasn't elegant, not yet.But it was progress.And progress is my domain.
We kept everything deeply classified, stored in sealed armories within our underground bases. If the world got even a hint of our tech, kingdoms would start wars over it.
But we weren't some army.
We were the Foundation.
We were preparing for a world that would someday face cosmic horrors, alien invasions, Thanos, Celestials, and—if that bored God had any sense of humor—the worst SCPs imaginable.
Which is why when the time for the annual summoning approached, we were all tense.
Even I felt a knot in my stomach.
This world was fragile.Too fragile.
One wrong SCP and civilization would collapse.
The Yearly Summoning
Inside the system chat, nervous chatter flickered like wildfire.
Alexandra (O5-1):Everyone ready? Another SCP is arriving any moment.
Julius (O5-2):If it's anything Euclid or higher, I'm breaking something.
Cleopatra (O5-5):Please not something that eats money. Please.
Darius (O5-3):If it's eldritch, I'm quitting life.
Sun Tzu (O5-4):…strategically, it would be optimal if it were harmless.
For a few seconds, the screen remained empty.
Then the system announced:
A new SCP has been summoned into the world: SCP-999.
Every single one of us froze.
Then, all at once:
WE ALL SIGHED IN RELIEF.
Out of every SCP in existence, out of every potential nightmare, universe-ending monster, dangerous anomaly…
We got the tickle monster.
The happiest blob in existence.
Immediate Action
I typed quickly:
Alexandra:Alright everyone, remain cautious but thank the God above—999 is perfect. We need it contained ASAP. It's gentle, harmless, and extremely useful. We cannot risk it falling into the hands of anyone, human or otherwise.
SCP-999 was more than a cute orange blob.Its euphoric aura could calm rage, despair, madness—even some of the more violent SCPs.In a universe where villains, cosmic entities, and eldritch horrors will one day roam?
It was priceless.
Darius (The Watcher) didn't even wait for orders.He immediately sent messages through the spy network he'd been building for years.
"Our scouts will locate it within days," he promised in the chat. "Weeks at most. It could've appeared anywhere on Earth."
"Find it," I answered. "The moment we secure SCP-999, our survival chances go up dramatically."
Bright leaned against my desk, watching my screen."You know," he said, "in a world full of monsters, that thing might be the closest we'll ever get to a deity of kindness."
"And we're going to protect it," I said firmly. "With everything we have."
Bright smirked."You sound like a mom."
I kicked him lightly in the shin.
The Hunt for Happiness
Across the world, our agents and spies began searching for a small, bouncing sphere of joy and giggles. Darius coordinated the operation with a level of precision that made even me impressed.
SCP-999 was out there somewhere.
Laughing.
Giggling.
Wiggling happily.
And soon…it would join the Foundation.
And from there?
We would continue preparing for the inevitable storm the universe would throw at us.