The Guild Master cleared his throat with the gravitas of a man who had personally witnessed sanity unravel. "Alright," he said, massaging his temples as if pressing on a migraine made of pure regret. "No explosions. No forced recruitment. And for the love of all that is bureaucratic, no one touches guild property."
The knights nodded, their armor clinking in solemn accord.
Aeliana nodded, regal and focused.
Sai Ji nodded, a gesture of complete surrender to the cosmic joke.
His bodyguards nodded, perfectly synchronized, clearly enjoying the spectacle.
Sal Vera hummed cheerfully in his mind. I am deriving significant amusement from this, my King. Do continue.
Aeliana stepped forward, still holding Sai Ji's sleeve like a rare, skittish bird. "Sai Ji," she declared, "I, Lady Aeliana of House Nightblossom, formally request the honor of forming a temporary adventuring party with you."
Sai Ji yanked his sleeve free. "Why? I am the least special person to ever walk through these doors! A statistical anomaly of incompetence!"
"You atomized a reinforced training dummy."
"That was a freak atmospheric event!"
"You pacified fifty hostile slimes without touching them."
"They have social anxiety! It's documented!"
"You're accompanied by two individuals the guild's system can't even categorize."
"They were on clearance! Fire sale! Last season's models!"
Fen and Lura added their commentary without irony.
"We were acquired under dubious circumstances," Fen said.
"Please send help," Lura added.
"WILL YOU TWO STOP SABOTAGING MY COVER STORY?!"
Aeliana ignored the chaos. She placed a hand over her heart and bowed with perfect precision. "My request is sincere. You are a rare blossom, Sai Ji. One that blooms once a century, petals touched by destiny."
Sai Ji whispered to Fen, "Is she… using floral metaphors to describe me? Am I a potted plant?"
"Yes, Master."
"I feel objectified. Botanically."
The Guild Master coughed, crying for help. "Order! QUIET in the hall!"
All eyes turned to him. He pointed a trembling finger at Sai Ji. "This… is the new recruit everyone is apparently incapable of ignoring—"
Voices shouted from the crowd:
"THE PRETTY ONE?!"
"THE DUMMY-DUSTER!"
"I HEARD HE'S AN NPC TRIGGER FOR A SECRET RAID!"
"IS HE THE SECRET FINAL BOSS OF THE GUILD SYSTEM?!"
Sai Ji spun around. "WHO SAID THAT LAST ONE?!"
The Guild Master slammed a hand down. "His name is Sai Ji. You will not harass him. He is… fragile."
"Me? Fragile? I just atomized solid oak!"
"Yes," the Master said. "Emotionally fragile. Systemically fragile. Requires warning labels and a safety perimeter."
Fen nodded sagely.
"A delicate constitution," she said.
"Prone to fits of catastrophic self-expression," Lura added.
"I AM A PILLAR OF RESILIENCE AND NORMALCY!"
Aeliana placed a comforting hand on his arm. "The weight of hidden power is a terrible burden to bear alone."
Sai Ji's internal scream was silent, high-pitched, felt only by Sal Vera. You are surrounded by devoted fools, my King. It is your cross to bear.
I do NOT—
Aeliana dragged him to the party registry desk while whispers of speculation filled the hall.
"Party name, please?" asked the timid clerk.
"There. Is. No. Party," Sai Ji snapped.
"The Moonborn Vanguard," Aeliana said confidently.
The clerk scratched it onto the parchment. Sai Ji stared. "Factually, grammatically, and thematically incorrect!"
"We are keeping it," Lura said.
"Certain lyrical menace," Fen added.
"I WILL MAROON YOU BOTH ON A VERY BORING ISLAND!"
The clerk handed Sai Ji a clear crystal. "Just channel a tiny wisp of mana to finalize the bond."
Sai Ji focused, using the most minuscule, pathetic thread of energy he could muster. The amulet flickered, glitched, and—
CRRZZZT—!
Silver-tinged mist erupted from him. Mana streams bent toward him, torches flickered blue. The stones hummed. Every adventurer in the hall fell to their knees instinctively: PREDATOR. KING. BOW.
Sai Ji panicked. "STOP IT—EVERYONE GET UP! THIS IS EMBARRASSING!"
Aeliana, pale, whispered, "S-Sovereign-level… aura suppression? From a human form?"
The Guild Master toppled out of his chair. Fen and Lura moved as living shields.
"Your containment is wavering," Fen said.
"YOU THINK?!" Sai Ji roared, clamping down on his power.
Finally, the silver mist dissipated. Torches returned to normal. Two hundred adventurers rose, wide-eyed.
Aeliana took his hand. "Welcome to the Moonborn Vanguard, Sai Ji. Our destiny awaits!"
Sai Ji felt his soul gently excuse itself to lie down in a quiet room.
You fit in perfectly here, Sal Vera whispered.
"…I hate this city," he muttered
Sai Ji stared at the quest parchment.
Aeliana smiled confidently. "A straightforward field assignment. Excellent for team-building."
He jabbed at the header. "CRISIS-LEVEL BIOLOGICAL CONTAGION BREACH. This is not straightforward—it's a biohazard!"
Aeliana nodded. "Precisely! Clear goal, thrilling adventure."
Fen and Lura had magically produced supplies.
"Neutralizing solvents," Fen said, holding a sprayer.
"Sustenance," Lura added, with a picnic basket.
Sai Ji groaned. "I expected 'lost chickens' or 'count weird mushrooms.' Why is our first quest HAZMAT-level?"
"Because you possess unique aptitudes!" Aeliana said.
"I'm good at making fauna prostrate themselves! Not containment!"
Sal Vera teased. The dramatic irony is perfect seasoning for a protagonist's journey.
You are a terrible advisor, Sai Ji muttered.
Aeliana handed him a velvet pouch. "A Class-2 Mana Opacity Charm. It dampens your signature."
Sai Ji opened it. Inside: a small, fuzzy fake mustache.
"This is a child's novelty. It has a smiley face."
"It lowers detectable presence by 28%," she insisted.
He slapped it on his lip. It instantly burst into flame and ash.
Aeliana gasped. "Even mundane disguise magic is destroyed by your aura!"
"It was paper and glue!" he shouted.
Fen and Lura presented more disguises: a tragic sunhat, owl-sized glasses, and a tiny moon-patterned cloak.
Sai Ji looked less like a sovereign and more like a grandmother escaping an asylum to birdwatch.
My King… you must wear this into battle, Sal Vera laughed.
Dead inside, Sai Ji trudged forward. The "Moonborn Vanguard" moved toward… chaos.
The outskirts looked like apocalypse in muted green and gray. Smoke rose from collapsed barricades. Panic filled the air.
A guard ran up. "Reinforcements! The containment's failed! The mutated specimens are breaching the perimeter!"
Sai Ji blinked. "So… our 'simple quest' is a collapsing biosecurity zone with magically-mutated wildlife?"
Aeliana beamed. "An exhilarating challenge!"
"IT'S A CATASTROPHE!"
A hulking mutant boar slammed a wall. Wolves with glowing eyes snarled. A stag with crackling antlers stomped the earth.
Sai Ji stepped forward.
Every corrupted creature in a two-hundred-meter radius froze. Heads turned, glowing eyes locked on him.
The boar dropped its head. Wolves rolled onto their backs. The stag curtsied.
Sai Ji screamed, "WHY?! I AM A NON-THREAT! I AM WEARING A TABLECLOTH AS A CAPE! ATTACK PEOPLE WITH ACTUAL WEAPONS!"
A passing adventurer whispered, "The Sovereign… he's come… prophecy—"
"NO PROPHECIES!" Sai Ji yelled.
Aeliana gasped. "This explains the slimes, the dummy, the crystal. Your bloodline pacifies the corrupted."
"MY BLOODLINE IS ANEMIC! PRONE TO HANGNAILS! THIS IS MASS HYSTERIA!"
From the shadows, a robed figure knelt. Silver hair, piercing eyes.
"Your Majesty," he breathed. "At last. You are—"
"No. Stop. I am a local weirdo," Sai Ji cut in.
The man—Nyx—continued. "—the lost Sovereign, heir to the Astral Throne—"
"NOPE."
"—foretold in the Codex of Shattered Moons—"
"FICTION!"
"—and the only one who can mend the rifts tearing reality—"
Sai Ji spun on his heel. "I'm joining a monastery. Potatoes don't bow."
Fen and Lura guided him back toward Nyx and the field of submissive monsters.
"Destiny has no refunds," Fern said.
"And we packed for a long journey," Lura added.
Aeliana stared. "Sai Ji… you're… royalty?"
Exhaustion deeper than physical fatigue settled in. Sai Ji faced the kneeling spymaster, bowing monsters, and his absurd bodyguards.
"I am a man who wanted to sign up for a quest to exterminate basement rats. That is the zenith of my ambition. Anything else is a collective hallucination."
Sal Vera whispered, soft and loving. The throne has been cold for a hundred years. Welcome home.
Sai Ji looked at the smoke-stained sky, owl-glasses slipping down his nose, and cried to the universe:
"I JUST WANTED TO KILL SOME RATS!"