"Ready for seconds, Naruto?"
"I was born ready, old man Teuchi! And make it a double helping of narutomaki!"
Naruto slammed the counter enthusiastically, sliding his empty bowl over. Beside him, Hinata had barely touched hers. She held her chopsticks nervously, poking a piece of bamboo in the broth.
"Hey, you okay, Hinata?" Naruto asked, lowering his voice. "You haven't eaten anything. You don't like ramen? Impossible, everyone likes ramen!"
"N-no, it's delicious, Naruto-kun." She gave him a small, tense smile. "It's just... I keep thinking about Kiba-kun. And my father."
Naruto huffed, crossing his arms as Teuchi worked. "Bah! Kiba? That idiot! We already took care of him. All fixed!"
"B-but, what if people heard him? He yelled... he yelled some very embarrassing things." Hinata blushed, staring hard at her bowl.
"And then he yelled it was a joke! Which it was! Well, sort of! Nobody believes Kiba! He's always barking nonsense! Problem solved!"
Hinata didn't look convinced. "My father doesn't... he doesn't take 'jokes' well, Naruto-kun. Especially if they involve the clan's honor."
"Honor? But nothing happened! You fainted, I took you to my place, Kiba burst in like a psycho! It's his fault!" Naruto leaned in a little closer. "Besides, your dad doesn't even have to find out. Right? It's not like Kiba's gonna go tell him."
"No, Kiba-kun wouldn't." Hinata swallowed. "But... rumors in Konoha... they travel fast. Faster than Kiba."
"Relax! If anyone asks, we tell them the truth. It was an accident! End of story!" Naruto grinned, trying to cheer her up. "Now eat! Don't let old man Teuchi see you wasting that perfect broth!"
"Here you go, kids!" Teuchi's voice boomed from behind the counter.
Naruto sat up straight, ready for his second bowl. But instead of ramen, Teuchi placed two steaming cups of green tea in front of them.
"Huh? Tea?" Naruto said.
"This one's on the house!" Teuchi beamed, wiping his hands on his apron. "A little gift for the engagement!"
...
Silence.
The air in the ramen stand seemed to freeze.
Naruto's chopsticks stopped halfway to his mouth.
Hinata's fell from her hands, hitting the counter with a sharp clack.
Naruto turned slowly. His smile was gone. "Uh... Engagement, old man Teuchi?"
"Of course!" Teuchi looked delighted. "Ayame! Bring the celebration bowl! We have to celebrate!"
"Coming, Dad!" a voice yelled from the kitchen. Ayame appeared, drying her hands. "Oh, Hinata-san, Naruto! How wonderful! When Dad told me, I couldn't believe it!"
Hinata made a small, choked sound. "B-but... believe... what?"
Naruto held up a hand, his voice strained. "Hey, hey, wait! Engagement? What are you talking about, Teuchi-san?"
"The news, of course!" Teuchi said, like it was obvious. "Kiba told us! Shouted the news all over the street! Congratulations! I never thought you'd settle down, Naruto!"
The color drained from Hinata's face. "Kiba-kun..."
"Ah, that!" Naruto forced a laugh that sounded like a cough. "That was a joke, old man! Kiba's an idiot, you know! He was just kidding! There's no engagement!"
"Bah!" Teuchi waved the idea away. "Of course he said that! A few minutes later! He probably realized he spilled the beans before the official announcement!"
Ayame nodded vigorously. "Exactly! But I heard him shout it first! 'Naruto and Hinata are engaged'! He yelled it three times! And like my dad always says, the first report is always the true one!"
Naruto and Hinata stared at each other. Sheer, absolute panic was mirrored in each other's eyes.
"N-Naruto-kun..." Hinata whispered.
"Yeah, Hinata?" Naruto's voice was barely audible.
"People... people think... the 'joke' was the retraction... not the announcement."
The green tea cup in front of Naruto shattered in his hand. Hot liquid and leaves spilled across the counter.
"Shit!"
"Uzumaki Naruto."
The voice was cold. Emotionless. Teuchi and Ayame jumped.
An ANBU was kneeling on the roof of the ramen stand, looking down at them. His mask was a cat, with red markings. His eyes, visible through the holes, were dark.
"Ah! Hey! We're... eating!" Naruto said, shaking the tea off his injured hand.
"The Hokage requires your presence. Immediately."
"Huh? Now?" The panic in Naruto's voice started to rise. "But I'm in the middle of my second bowl! Well, I was waiting for my second bowl! And the broth is perfect! Wait, it's about Kiba, isn't it? Tell Grandma I already fixed it!"
The ANBU completely ignored Naruto's protest. His masked head turned slightly, fixing his gaze directly on Hinata, who shrank back.
"And Hinata Hyuga's. Both of you. Now."
Naruto shot to his feet. "Hey, I'm talking to you! Why 'both'? What did Hinata do? She didn't do anything!"
Hinata tugged on Naruto's sleeve. "Naruto-kun, please... don't."
The ANBU remained still for another second, his gaze locked on Naruto. The silence was more intimidating than any threat. "The Hokage was clear. Immediately."
The ANBU vanished in a swirl of leaves, leaving no trace except for the terror he left behind.
Naruto stared at the empty space.
"...'Both'," he said, his voice cracking. "He said 'both'."
"Naruto-kun..."
"He said 'both', Hinata! That's never good! 'Both' means 'trouble'! 'Both' means 'this is so bad we can't even blame just one person'! 'Both' means 'you're so screwed we want to see you both at the same time'!"
Hinata slid off her stool. She was white as a sheet and visibly trembling.
"H-he found out. Hiashi-sama... he went to the Hokage. I knew it! I told you!"
"Knew what?" Naruto yelled, his own voice rising. "About Kiba shouting? It's not that big a deal! We'll just beat Kiba up and...!"
"No!" Hinata grabbed his arm, her nails digging into his jacket. There was a genuine terror in her eyes Naruto had never seen. "Not about Kiba! About... about the onsen! And the scroll! Naruto-kun, it's the execution!"
Naruto froze. "...Execution? What?! Hinata, that's... they can't execute me for falling out of a tree!"
"Not you!" she wailed, tears welling up. "Me! I dishonored the clan! I was seen... in your home! My father... he doesn't... he doesn't forgive that! The clan law is absolute!"
"They're not gonna execute you!" Naruto said, but the doubt was in his own voice now.
"The ANBU was here to make sure we didn't escape!"
"Escape?! I'm not gonna escape!" Naruto slammed a handful of ryo on the counter. "I'm gonna explain!"
"You can't explain to my father!"
"I won't explain to him! I'll explain to Grandma Tsunade! She'll listen to me! She's the Hokage! She... she knows the Pervy Sage! She'll understand about the scroll! Probably! I hope!"
"Naruto-kun, it's too late! My father must already be there!"
"Not if I get there first!"
Naruto threw the money on the counter. "Keep the change, old man! It wasn't an engagement!"
"Of course not, Naruto!" Teuchi yelled as they sprinted off. "Good luck with the planning! Ayame, get the celebration sake!"
Naruto grabbed Hinata's hand.
"Huh?!" she yelped, her face flashing from panic to beet red in a second.
"No time to walk! Let's go!"
She let out an "Eep!" as he yanked her hard, pulling her from the stand. Her feet barely touched the ground before he leaped onto the roof of a tea shop, pulling her along. They ran.
They jumped from rooftop to rooftop, the wind whipping their faces. Naruto was running at near-mission speed, and Hinata was struggling to keep up.
"Naruto-kun! My hand!" she stammered, blushing violently despite the mortal panic.
"No time for that!" he yelled back over the wind. "Faster! We have to beat your dad!"
"He's already there! I know it! He must have gone as soon as he heard the rumor!"
"Then we have to interrupt the death sentence! Come on!"
They reached the Hokage Tower in record time. The guards at the entrance barely looked up before Naruto blew past them. He didn't use the stairs. He ran directly up the building's outer wall, dragging Hinata with him.
"Naruto-kun, gravity!" she yelled, squeezing her eyes shut as they ran perpendicular to the ground.
"Ignore it! Just run!"
They landed on the balcony of the Hokage's office, skidding to a halt. Naruto let go of her hand and ran for the main office door—the one leading to the hallway.
"Naruto-kun, wait! You can't...!"
"No time to knock!"
"It's the Hokage's office! We have to wait for Shizune-san! You can't just barge in!"
"Hinata, you said 'execution'!" he snapped. "I'm not waiting for them to sharpen the sword! Stand back!"
Naruto kicked the door.
The door flew open, ripping off its top hinges. It slammed against the interior wall with a crash that shook plaster from the ceiling.
"GRANDMA! WAIT! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! IT WAS A MISTAKE! AN ACCIDENT! THE TREE BROKE! AND THE SCROLL WAS JIRAIYA'S IDEA! WELL, SORT OF!"
The office fell silent.
Deathly silent.
Naruto and Hinata stood frozen in the ruined doorway, panting, cold sweat running down their temples.
The scene in front of them was frozen.
Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage, was sitting at her desk. She was massaging her right temple, her knuckles white from the pressure.
Shizune was in a corner, next to Tonton the pig.
A teenaged Hanabi Hyuga, Hinata's younger sister, stood by the opposite wall, arms crossed. Her face was a mask of fury and concern.
And in the center of the room, their backs to the door, were three figures.
Hiashi Hyuga. And two Hyuga main branch guards, dressed in formal robes.
They didn't move when the door broke. They didn't breathe. The killing intent radiating from them was so strong the air in the room was hard to breathe.
Tsunade lowered her hand from her temple. slowly. Her honey-colored eyes opened. She stared at a tea-stained mission report on her desk.
"Naruto..."
Her voice was calm. Deadly calm.
"You're late."
Hiashi Hyuga turned.
He did it slowly. Every movement was controlled, deliberate. His face was impassive, his white eyes, devoid of all emotion, fixed on Naruto.
His Byakugan was not activated.
That was, somehow, much worse.
"So..." Hiashi said, "Here he is. The... suitor."
"I'm not 'suiting' anything!" Naruto panted, taking a step forward. Hinata instinctively hid behind him. "I didn't start this! It was Kiba! Kiba's the suitor! Or the yeller! And the tree! The tree broke! And the scroll!"
Hanabi stepped forward, her voice sharp. "Father, I told you! He's an idiot! Look at him! He can't even form a coherent sentence! He's covered in tea!"
"Hey!" Naruto said.
"You can't execute someone for being an idiot!" Hanabi continued, ignoring him. "If you could, half this village would be dead! Especially Kiba Inuzuka!"
Hiashi turned his icy gaze on his younger daughter. "Silence, Hanabi. This is no longer about his stupidity."
He turned back to Naruto. "This is about honor."
"But I didn't take anyone's honor!"
Hiashi raised an eyebrow. "No? You took my daughter, the heiress of the clan, to your private residence. Alone."
"She was passed out! I couldn't just leave her in the street!"
"You disrobed her."
Naruto's face went bright red. "What?! No! I just splashed some water on her to wake her up!"
"F-father," Hinata whispered from behind Naruto. "He... he's telling the truth."
"Silence, Hinata." Hiashi's voice didn't waver. "Then, you allowed an outsider to see you after you had soiled my daughter's innocence."
"Kiba's not an outsider, he's an idiot! And I didn't 'allow' him, he broke in!"
"And as a direct result of your actions," Hiashi continued, "the entire village now believes the Hyuga heiress is... engaged. To you."
"But that's not...!"
"ENOUGH!"
Tsunade's fist slammed the desk.
The desk, made of solid oak from a thousand-year-old tree, split cleanly in half. Paperwork, inkwells, reports, and a hidden bottle of sake went flying.
Tonton squealed and hid under the wreckage. Shizune yelped and shrank against the wall.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Tsunade roared, leaping to her feet. Her eyes blazed with fury. "Hiashi! You are not executing Naruto in my village! He is my shinobi! And he's an idiot, but he's my idiot!"
She whipped around to Naruto, pointing a trembling finger at him. "AND YOU! You are going to shut up and you are going to explain to me WHAT THE HELL YOU DID! Start from the beginning! And if I hear the word 'ramen', I swear I will execute you myself!"
Naruto swallowed, sweat pouring down his face. "Okay, okay! Grandma, calm down!"
"DON'T CALL ME GRANDMA!"
"Hokage-sama!" Naruto said, correcting himself quickly. "I didn't do anything! Really! I was training!"
Hiashi's voice cut through the air. "Training. In the women's onsen."
"It was an accident!" Naruto yelled. "I was in a tree! It was an old tree! It broke! I fell! It wasn't my fault!"
"And my daughter," Hiashi continued, his voice growing even colder, "conveniently... fainted."
"Yes! She fainted! I thought she was drowning! She sank under the water! I had to pull her out!"
"And instead of calling for a medic," Hiashi said, "or a guard... you 'abducted' her and took her to your private residence."
"I didn't abduct her! That was later! My apartment is two streets from where Hinata had fainted! I was going to call Shizune from there! I swear!"
Shizune let out a small "Eep!" "Hokage-sama, I had nothing to do with this!"
"Shut up, Shizune!" Tsunade said.
Hinata finally stepped forward, moving out from behind Naruto. She was trembling from head to toe, but her voice was firm, though quiet.
"He didn't abduct me, Father! He was just worried about me! I... I fainted! Twice!"
Tsunade's narrowed eyes fixed on Hinata. "...Twice?"
"The second time wasn't my fault!" Naruto defended himself, waving his hands. "It was because of the scroll! And Kiba! And Kiba burst in! And Hinata was in the closet!"
There was another silence. Even Hiashi looked momentarily confused.
Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose so hard her knuckles turned white. "The... scroll. Naruto, what scroll?"
"You know!" Naruto said, like it was obvious. "The Pervy Sage's! I found it while I was organizing some stuff! It's called 'Advanced Seduction Tactics'! I was... researching!"
The silence in the office became absolute.
Hiashi Hyuga's face twitched. Just one muscle, by his eye.
Hanabi was looking back and forth between Naruto and Tsunade, completely confused.
Shizune looked like she was going to be sick.
Tsunade opened one eye. Her voice was a dangerous whisper. "You... what."
"It was for a mission! Well, not a mission! I was... practicing! For...!"
Hiashi cut in. "Practicing. Seduction tactics. On my daughter. While she was in the onsen."
"NO!" Naruto screamed, realizing how that sounded. "It's all a misunderstanding...!"
"Naruto-kun," Hinata whispered, total mortification on her face. "Please... stop talking."
Tsunade collapsed back into her broken chair. She looked at Shizune. "Shizune."
"Y-yes, Tsunade-sama?"
"Get the sake. The big bottle."
Shizune looked at the remains of the premium sake bottle on the floor. "T-that's the one that broke with the desk, Tsunade-sama."
"THEN GET THE OTHER BIG BOTTLE! THE EMERGENCY ONE! THE ONE IN THE FALSE COMPARTMENT IN THE FILING CABINET!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Shizune scrambled for the cabinet.
Naruto, feeling like he was losing the argument, tried to go back to his main point. "The point is! Kiba ran out and yelled we were engaged! And then he yelled it was a joke! So we fixed it! We made him take it back!"
"You fixed it," Hiashi repeated. It wasn't a question.
"Yeah!" Naruto said, beaming, like he'd finally gotten through. "Kiba yelled it was all a joke! So the rumor is dead! We fixed it!"
"He's dumber than a rock," Hanabi muttered, just loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Fixed it?" Hiashi's voice dropped an octave. "You call the public humiliation of my daughter... the heiress to the Main House of the Hyuga clan... and the mockery of my clan in the streets... 'fixing it'?"
"But nobody believed him!" Naruto insisted. "Well, except Teuchi! And Ayame! And they gave us free tea! And he said the ramen was for the engagement!"
"SHUT UP, NARUTO!" Tsunade roared, grabbing the bottle Shizune had just handed her. She uncorked it and drank straight from it.
Silence fell again, broken only by the sound of Tsunade gulping.
She slammed the bottle down. "Hiashi," she said, her voice tired now. "He's right about one thing. He's a monumental idiot. He has no idea what he's done. It's not malicious. The rumor is dead. Kiba called it a joke. Let it go."
"Hokage-sama." Hiashi addressed her formally. "The rumor is not dead. The insult is alive. That... boy... has stained the heiress's name, intentionally or not."
Tsunade glared at him. "Do you know how much paperwork this is causing me? The Hyuga Elder Council has been sending hawks to my window every five minutes for the last hour! I'm sick of it!"
"Do you know how many clan elders have demanded an audience with me this afternoon?" Hiashi countered. "Do you know the pressure being put on my house because of your shinobi's actions?"
"I don't give a damn about the pressure on your house!" Tsunade snapped. "I have a village to run! And he is my most important weapon! You are not touching a hair on his head!"
"Your 'weapon' has caused an internal diplomatic incident," Hiashi said coolly.
Tsunade laughed, a harsh sound. "Diplomatic incident? He fell in a bathhouse! He didn't declare war on anyone! Grow up, Hiashi!"
"For the Hyuga clan," Hiashi said, unflinching, "this is more serious."
Tsunade leaned over the wreckage of her desk. "And what do you want me to do about it, huh? A public apology? Want him to kneel in the square? Want him to wash your clan's laundry for a month?"
"Hey, I'm not gonna...!" Naruto started.
"YOU, SHUT UP!" Tsunade and Hanabi yelled at him at the same time.
Hiashi considered the question. "An apology is not enough. The damage is done. The clan law is clear. Honor must be restored. Either with blood..."
Hiashi stared hard at Naruto, who swallowed loudly.
"You're threatening a Konoha shinobi in my office, Hiashi," Tsunade said, her voice dropping dangerously. "Be very careful with your next word."
"I am stating facts, Hokage-sama," Hiashi said calmly. "Blood is the first option. Tradition demands it. The boy dishonored her. He pays."
"Not happening," Tsunade said. "You will not touch Naruto. End of discussion."
Hiashi nodded slightly, as if expecting this. "...or with a union."
Tsunade blinked. "A union? What... what kind of...?"
Naruto and Hinata froze.
They both remembered Jiraiya's scroll.
They both remembered the word.
"Oh, shit," Naruto whispered.
"N-no..." Hinata moaned.
Hiashi continued, addressing only Tsunade, as if discussing a trade treaty. "Execution is... messy. It would cause political problems with you, Hokage-sama. And he is still the Jinchuriki. A waste of a valuable weapon."
"Glad you see it that way," Tsunade said with biting sarcasm.
"Fortunately," Hiashi continued, "the clan law offers an alternative. A solution that cleanses my daughter's honor... and since he has already shouted the word to the four winds, it simply makes it official."
Tsunade leaned in further. "What... what word? 'Accident'? 'Idiot'? 'Engaged'?"
"Father, no," Hanabi whispered, her face pale. "You're not... You can't be serious. For him? He's a disaster!"
Naruto was shaking his head, whispering to himself. "Don't say it, don't say it, Hiashi, you old bastard, don't say it, don't you dare, don't say that word..."
Hiashi ignored his younger daughter and Naruto. "The boy shouted 'engaged' all over the street. The people believe it. His friend's retraction only confirmed it. Hinata's honor is compromised."
"So force Kiba to apologize!" Tsunade yelled, slamming the splintered wood.
"Hinata's honor is not compromised with Kiba Inuzuka," Hiashi said. "It is compromised with him." He pointed at Naruto.
"Hiashi, what are you saying? Get to the point!"
Hiashi looked directly at Naruto, his white eyes bottomless pits.
"Marriage."
The silence in the office was absolute.
Shizune, who had just picked the cork from the sake bottle off the floor, dropped it again.
Tsunade just stared, her jaw completely slack.
Naruto looked at Hiashi.
He looked at Tsunade, whose face had lost all color.
He looked at Hanabi, who looked like she was going to faint from indignation.
He looked at Hinata.
Hinata was shaking violently, her eyes rolling back in her head.
Naruto caught her by the shoulders just before she crumpled to the floor.
"That's the third time today!" he shrieked, his voice cracking into a high-pitched yell as he held her up.
He looked back at Hiashi, who hadn't moved an inch.
"WHAT?!"