The little porcupine dude pokes me with a stick.
I flinch, violently recoiling.
"Do you know… What I am?"
"Aw, hell, dude!" I exclaim, terrified of what his wrath might entail. "I'ma be real with you, there are just so many damn kinds of little people species all across the world. Like, you guys are everywhere. You've got leprechauns, kobolds, gnomes, dwarves, brownies, bluecaps, redcaps, greencaps, dwarves, bogeys, fions, goblins, grindylows, imps, pixies, pygmies, sprites, changelings, eloko–"
"You do not know. What I am."
"Sorry, buddy. No clue. I know, I know, bad leftist."
"You insult me."
"Hanlon's Razor."
"Excuse me?"
"Can't attribute to malice that which can be attributed to stupidity."
"That's a rhetorical fallacy. It's illogical."
"Yeah, well, fallacy fallacy, bro. Just because an argument is fallacious doesn't make it untrue."
"You attribute your ignorance to stupidity."
"Yep! I'll admit to my flaws. Most of them. I am indeed kinda dumb."
"Yet you speak of philosophical razors and fallacious arguments."
"I put in the work of understanding and memorizing a bunch of them because that knowledge kicks ass when I'm arguing with right wingers on the internet. They'll say something ridiculous and I'll hit them with the 'affirmative conclusion based on a negative premise'. Dumbass snowflakes get so pissed. Then they go for the ad hominem and it's just over. Wait, what were we talking about?"
"You do not know. What I am."
"Oh, yeah, no. Sorry. That's right. I do not. You have my humble apologies. I will be certain to reexamine my privilege as a person of height."
"Your ignorance. You insult me."
"Again, Hanlon's Razor."
"You who are of a mighty Pantheon. You disregard me and my Pantheon."
I hold my breath, trying to think a little harder. "Ohhh. Damn. Yeah, I don't know what you are, so I don't know what Pantheon you're from. Shit. That does kinda suck of me. Because, yeah, everybody knows the Greek Pantheon, so I don't even have to worry about this sorta thing. My fault, bro. I'll examine that privilege. I'll work on that."
"Too late."
"Well now that's not very nice."
"Tone policing the righteous indignation of an oppressed minority."
"Oh, fuck. I'm being a bad leftist again. I take it back."
"Too late."
"I sincerely apologize, sir."
"Assumption of gender."
"[WEBNOVEL CENSOR: JOKE ABOUT SUICIDE]"
"Emotionally manipulative argument from pity."
"Retrospective determinism."
"That's an entirely false assertion."
"I know, I just like saying that one…"
"Do you know why I had you captured?"
"No, but you can't really expect me to, can you?"
"I'm fairly certain you could infer by now."
"I don't make inferences. I don't like to assume."
"That's a false equivalence. An inference is not an assumption."
"That's a false assumption. My two statements were not equated to each other to begin with. I was simply saying one truth and then another. You're the one who falsely equated them with each other by insinuating that they were related when they weren't."
The little dude's brows furrow deeper.
I shrug. "Just saying."
He throws dirt at me.
"Ow! Hey! Stop that!"
"You will not resist."
"Appeal to authority!"
"You do not know what I am."
"I do not! And I sincerely apologize!"
"You insult me."
"Once again, Hanlon's Razor!"
Dirt. "You insult me."
"This is an argument from repetition!"
Dirt. "Correct. You will not resist."
"Motherfucker, I'm about to!"
Dirt. "You are of a mighty Pantheon." Dirt. "I hate you." Dirt. "I hate you." Dirt. "I hate you." Dirt. "I will not allow you to rescue Anna Walsh."
"Just try to stop me, you little shit!"
"Okay. Snake, if you please."
From behind me, a fucking gorgon slithers into sight. She must be half lamia though, because her lower half is all snake tail like a mermaid but on land, and her upper half is that of a heartstoppingly beautiful woman with long, slender, gorgeous green snakes for hair. Wearing a pretty green linen sundress, she coils up alongside the little dude, grinning ear to ear with a sharp pair of fangs poking from her ruby lips as she looks at me closely.
"Well, hello there," I purr with a smirk. "What's your name?"
"Me?" Her smile brightens. "I'm Kahri."
"Gods, Kahri, this emerald green of your gorgeous scales is so delectably verdant it reminds me of the early days of summer, when–"
"Stop hitting on her. Turn to stone already."
"Bro, you can't bring in a lady as gorgeous as her and expect me to–"
"You will not resist. Turn to stone now. Why are you not turning to stone?"
"I'm looking right at her," Kahri hums with a frown. "She should be petrified."
"This is impossible. Not even Demigods can resist gorgon petrifaction." The little dude pokes at me with the stick again, growling a low note of frustration. "What is this? What is happening? By what sorcery have you been warded?"
A dry laugh flutters out of my chest.
"You laugh. You laugh? How dare you laugh? Explain yourself."
Kahri hums. "Yeah, I'm a bit confused as well here. Are my eyes somehow defective?"
"Oh, no, I'm sure they work," I chuckle, shaking my head. "You've just made one fatal error. A miscalculation which will be your downfall, however thoroughly elaborate this plan to abduct and petrify me may have been. I admit I'm impressed by the process you executed in order to get me here. The sirens were a joke, sure, but you were just testing the waters, weren't you? Flipping that hamadryad on me was the actual strategy, and an expert maneuver. Of course I'd make a move on her, and one kiss was all it took to put me under. But now, here we are, and you just can't seal the deal and put me away, can you? You fool. You presumptuous fool. It's time for you to check your privilege, little man! You assumed I was like anyone else! Normal! But you assumed wrong! I am indeed immune to gorgon petrifaction, just like I am immune to the basilisks' wiles! How, you ask? You sorry fool! You utter buffoon! I'm fucking autistic, you idiot! I don't look people in the eyes!"
He gapes at me in shocked awe and bewildered terror.
Then, just like the gnomes did, he bolts off and vanishes.
I howl with maniacal laughter. "Ahahahah! Autism is a super power after all!"
"Ah, damn," Kahri sighs as he goes. "Wretched little bastard. He said he'd pay me after."
I break free of the bindings with ease and stand up, rubbing my wrists. "Sorry, gorgeous. Thought he'd be more honorable than that. What was the payment gonna be?"
"He said he'd comp me an eight ball."
"Eight ball of what?"
"Coke."
"I have coke."
"Do you now?" She smirks, checking me out. "Go on, then. You were saying, earlier?"
"These emerald green scales are so verdant it reminds me of the early days of summer, when the landscapes flourish and the meadows are rife with a sea of fragrant wildflowers." I extend a hand, brushing my fingers across one of her snakes and finding it eager to be held. "And you, the lone rose that stands out the most among them all. One with petals so soft I simply can't resist wondering if I might be permitted to enjoy their gentle caress. I've been looking for a rose like you with which to tango. Would you care to dance with me, Kahri?"
"Oh, wow. You're really good at this."
"I pride myself on my charms."
"Charming indeed. Just to clarify, this is a one-off?"
"It may be a mere moment in time, but this moment is ours if we make it so."
"Mmm. I'd love to. Specifically because of these charms of yours. Not the drugs."
"Of course. The coke is just the salt around the glass. Added to the flavors. But far from the primary focus. We'll enjoy it together. As much as you like."
"That's awfully kind of you. Let's get out here. Hop on."
"Oh, sure. I'd love to ride you, sweetheart."
I straddle her thick tail and she slithers us both out of here. It's just a straight up basement, connected to some abandoned warehouse way out on the fringes of Primeval. Night is giving way to morning, which makes me feel a little sick and slightly triggers some bad memories. I hate being awake when the sun rises. Reminds me too much of all those times I was strung out on crack and was awake for days at a time during binges.
But, Kahri's place isn't too far, and her circular room is shielded by blackout curtains. I don't look around much but it's surprisingly clean, so I guess she's just a weekend user or something instead of a full blown addict like me. Either way, I dump out plenty enough for us to share and fall into the huge circular bed with her, careful of the fangs as we kiss and being gentle with my hands in her hair.
Sex with gorgons is a full bodied experience, and her tail nearly breaks my ribs a couple times as I [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT]
Midway through, I have to ask. "So, wait, what kinda little person was he? Do you know?"
"Nope," she laughs from beneath me, breathing heavily as her hips move against mine. "No idea. Kinda felt a little sorry for him though, you know?"
"Same." I move to pin her wrists down above her head and keep going. "What's his deal? Did he tell you? Why's he after me?"
"Hells if I know," she gasps, then moans a little as her tail coils tighter around my waist. "[WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT]."
"[WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT]. You'd tell me if you knew anything else about him, wouldn't you? Tell me the truth, or I might have to go harder."
"That's just more motivation to lie to you," she laughingly responds, tongue licking at my neck. "Yeah. I'd tell you. I'm on your side, at this point. He pissed me off, running like that. Think he's just… an angry, bitter little thing. Overlooked. Disregarded. Whatever else."
"Fair enough, I guess. Doubt it's the last I've seen of him. I'm sure he'll be back, in one way or another. But enough about that." I [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT] in her face. "[WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT]."
"Yes, yes, yes, absolutely," she hisses with a smile, grabbing hold of my electric blue strap with one hand but pausing. "Wait, quick question. I was almost certain we were making eye contact back there, so if you don't look people in the eyes, where do you look?"
"Huh? Oh, like, dead center between them, right on the bridge of the nose. Sometimes I look at their eyebrows, lashes, or forehead. Kinda depends on how close we are, like, face to face."
"Ahhh. That makes sense. You really flipped the script on me. That was hilarious. Totally unexpected, from my perspective."
With that, she swallows my [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT].
I might not feel it, but damn do I like to watch.
She moans as she [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT], gazing up at me.
Whoops.
I looked.
"Oh, shit!" she gasps as I turn to stone. "I'm so sorry! I–I'll fix this, swear it!"
"Please…" It feels like getting numbed all over. "And you… You can… Stone… play…"
"Oh! Okay then! Sure, I'll fuck your statue for a bit first!"
"Hell... yeah…"
When I'm finally unpetrified, it's a long and painstaking process.
Thankfully she did my head first and then my chest, so I'm able to breathe and talk. The gorgons apparently have prepackaged salves for this exact situation, as emergency relief for accidents like ours, or, well, because they do often engage in stoneplay. It's a pretty intimate process, and I get to watch her gently rub the ointment into my body, even if I can't feel it. She apologized a million times but I'm just glad she followed through on fucking my statue. Apparently, she had a great time with it.
Even petrified, I still manage to satisfy.
"Thank the Gods you're a Demi," she murmurs, intently massaging my left arm as it thaws out. "This would take a lot longer otherwise. You're sure you're comfortable?"
"Mm. Very." I'm wrapped up in her full bodied embrace, warm, cozy, thriving. "Really, I'm chilling, baby girl. I forgot how nice scales feel on bare skin. And this incense you're burning is so relaxing. Love the green and brown witch vibes you've got going on. I mean, you're out here growing mushrooms and shit? And all these aquariums bubbling and percolating and stuff? What's the word again? You're growing plants and stuff in them?"
"Hydroponics. And I'm glad you like it here. I cultivate my dens to be as relaxing as possible. There's far too much agitation and anxiety outside these walls, coming from all directions, at all times. Can't stand it. And I don't want to bring it into where I lay. You know?"
"Yeah. I feel you. I like that approach. Sounds nice."
She kisses my fingers and grins. "Feel that?"
"Yeah, a little." I manage to wiggle the fingers. "Mm. Stiff."
"You might be sore for a couple days, but I can give you some stuff that'll help." She keeps working on that, focused and intent on the task at… hand. After a brief period of quiet between us, she glances my way and mumbles, "You're staring."
"Just watching you do your thing. Should I stop?"
"I'm nervous about petrifying you a second time."
"Yeah, rather not." I sigh, shifting around to lay on my back looking up at the ceiling, where she has all these decorative and colorful tapestries hanging low. "Not that I'd hate it or anything. I just don't think I can spare the time. This whole thing has been one big tangent, and I've gotta get going soon. Well, as soon as I can…"
"Right, you're… doing… something." She slides over to my right side and starts unpetrifying my other arm starting at the shoulder. "Looking for someone, right? That little guy mentioned something like that. You're on some adventure or other."
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm looking for someone. Someone… really important to me. Sounds like she's…" I close my eyes, taking a deep breath and sighing it out. "Seriously in trouble. In more ways than one. I don't know who or why, but somebody's after her. And I think whoever that is, they're probably even worse than the corpolice. Honestly, I'm starting to wonder. Incarceration could mean a lotta things. Not just a jail cell. I don't even wanna imagine the worst that people could do to her. That's why I have to find her. Soon."
"Shit." Kahri moves my petrified arm around. My shoulder just came loose, finally. "I'll try to move a little faster. This just… isn't a quick process. There's usually a whole meditative ritual thing to it, and I would stop for breaks a few times to help you stretch out, and there would be all this yoga and breathwork and tantric shit to it–You get the idea. Here, you have your left hand free, so massage your arm like I was doing, okay? I'll get started on your legs."
"Mm. Okay." I do what she said to do. Feels real weird. It's my arm, and it's attached to me, but I can't feel it, and it's gray, and it's hard as a rock. A few minutes pass, I think, and I realize I'm starting to doze off. "Wait. Shit. What time is it?"
"Around noon. Same day. You got stoned around dawn, I had my way with you, went and got more of this stuff, and now we're here. Why? What's wrong?"
"Does that… Does that count as sleeping?"
"Uh, no, sweetheart. It counts as being petrified."
"Shit. I haven't slept since… I don't even know when."
Kahri stops what she's doing and frowns. "Excuse me?"
"Huh? Oh. I said… haven't slept. For days now…"
There's a brief beat of silence between us both.
Her lower body constricts tighter. "Change of plans. If I don't unpetrify your legs, you'll be stuck here in my bed with me. So I guess I am going to be imprisoning you after all, like that little fellow wanted, just for my own personal reasons. You're going to sleep, damn it."
"Waiiit. Nooo. Anna needs meee…"
"Yeah, she does, and if you're strung out and barely awake, you're gonna fuck things up and get yourself hurt. And then who's going to save her? Hm?"
"I… don't know. Not me…"
"Not you." She slithers off, tail uncoiling from around me as she goes over to the fancy wooden dresser where the incense is burning and grabs a few things from the drawers. Her beautiful back is turned but all the snakes on her head are staring right at me, making sure I don't go anywhere. "Mhm. Mhm. This, and this, and… this. Mhm. Okay."
I think I'm about to get drugged.
This time, I might be okay with it.
Kahri gets back into bed and wraps her emerald tail all around me again. This time her upper half lays down right beside me, propped up on an elbow as she mixes a few tinctures together. I'm drifting off regardless, but the motions of her pretty hands are graceful and hypnotic. One of her snakes boops my cheek with its nose as she finishes up whatever she's doing, then she leans low to kiss me.
"Sorry. I'm keeping you. Just for a few hours, okay? It's for your own good. And when you wake up, you'll be all set to go and save your girl. Alright?"
"Mmm… 'Kay…" I shift closer to her, nuzzling up. "Fiiine. I'll sleep…"
"Mhm. Good girl. Open up." Kahri pours something sweet into my mouth from a small glass vial, then kisses me again and settles in under my arm, with hers across my waist holding me tight. "You're sooo warm. I'm gonna take a nap too. But I'll make sure you're unpetrified by the time you wake up."
"Thanks… Thank you… Shalise…"
The sedation puts me under like a fetty OD.