A few days passed, and I noticed something strange. My ghost buddies suddenly started acting different. I guess the time really comes when people change how they treat you, and apparently, ghosts aren't any different. Sorry, we're just ghosts after all, not perfect. It felt like they weren't paying much attention to me anymore. They barely had time for me, and honestly, they were starting to feel... distant.
Before, they were always the ones looking for me, but now I'm the one constantly trying to find them. We still play online games together during our free time at night, but I can't help noticing how they subtly avoid me.
Of course, it hurts. That feeling when you can't think of any reason why they're suddenly cold toward you. Did I do something wrong? If I did, they could've just confronted me instead of, well, ghosting me like this. So yeah, turns out even ghosts can do ghosting.
I still remember the time when I couldn't accept that I was already dead. Back then, they were always the ones by my side. Every time I got scolded by the supreme ghost for messing up my haunting duties, they were the first to defend me.
Whenever I thank them, their usual response is that they just want to make up for what they did to me. Even now, I still can't fully grasp what they're talking about. Why do I feel like they are paying me back a debt of gratitude, when in the first place, I should be the one who needs to repay them because they didn't abandon me when I was just starting out here. I've tried asking about it several times, but they often change the subject.
One day, I wandered around alone since it looked like my ghost buddies ditched me again. While walking down the hallway, I happened to pass by a classroom where Misaki was having her class. The moment I saw her, the loneliness I'd been feeling seemed to fade away, even just for a while. I peeked through the door and spotted her right away. She was sitting in her usual spot, the chair at the very back of the room.
I've noticed for a long time that no one really talks to her or tries to be her friend. I can't blame them, you who are reading my confession are a witness to my fear the first time I saw her. So it's not unlikely that that's also the reason why people seem to avoid her.
But what I didn't expect was how suddenly these feelings for her started to grow. Maybe the reason I fell for her so easily is because I see a bit of myself in her, different from everyone else, standing out in a way that feels both strange and familiar.
I glanced around the area before slipping inside while the teacher was in the middle of a lecture. Since I'm invisible anyway, I didn't bother asking for permission and just walked right in. Then a random thought popped into my head, what kind of life did I even have when I was still alive? What kind of student was I back then? Did I study hard, or was I the type who always cut classes just to hang out somewhere else?
I don't know why I suddenly had the guts to approach her without a hint of hesitation. I know, I'm acting all cool and confident, but the truth is, all that fake swagger disappears the moment Misaki's around. Still, something feels different in the air today. Maybe it's because I'm desperate to get close to her, or maybe it's just the sad boy in me craving a bit of company. Either way, I don't really care what's going to happen once I walk up to her.
"How are you?" Those were the only words that came out of my mouth. It felt like déjà vu, reminding me of the first time we met, when she was the one who asked me the exact same question. Now, the nervousness was kicking in again, but it wasn't enough to make me run away like before, back when she suddenly appeared in that abandoned classroom I used to haunt.
Back then, I didn't even know her name. It was actually my ghost friends who told me that her name was Misaki, though I never bothered to ask how they found out. What mattered most was that I finally knew who she was. I noticed the notebook she was hugging tightly, and for some reason, it looked strangely familiar.
Still, I decided not to think too much about it. Honestly, if people could actually see me right now, I'd probably be dying of embarrassment since she's not responding or even glancing at me. I don't want to be so emotional, but she's snubbing me. I wanna cry!
Just... wow. This actually hurts. I must've looked like an idiot just standing here, staring at her. Was she ignoring me because I ran away from her before? Or maybe she really can't see me right now? No, that's impossible.
I know she has a third eye, and she's seen how hot and handsome I am. I'm not bragging, I'm just being honest. Still, I guess it makes sense. I'm invisible, after all, and if she suddenly started talking, people might think she's lost her mind for chatting with someone who isn't even there.
"Misaki." I tried saying her name, hoping she'd turn around, and she did. I bit my lip, trying not to grin too wide, but it was hopeless. I just couldn't stop smiling. She was looking right at me. For a moment, I swear I could melt from all the excitement. Is it even okay for a ghost to feel this kind of thrill? Great, this probably adds another point to my growing list of ghostly freak traits.
She still didn't say a word, but her eyes drifted toward the empty chair beside her. I didn't even think twice, I sat down right away. Even as I sat there, I couldn't stop smiling. I was literally giddy. Is this what love feels like?
It might sound a little obsessive and selfish, but I kind of wish she'd die so we could get married. Sorry for even thinking about that. I know, that sounds terrible, but think about it. It would be impossible to find a priest with a third eye who could actually officiate our wedding.
And even if we did find one, chances are he'd just splash me with holy water instead. Therefore, the only way for us to be together is either I come back to life, or she loses hers. But anyways, maybe let's not go that route.
I froze for a moment when I saw what was written on the desk of the slightly rusty chair I was sitting on. The first word scribbled with a marker was 'Anthony.' Unless I've somehow forgotten how to spell my own name, I'm pretty sure that's me. But what really made me want to jump for joy was the little heart drawn right beside it, with the name 'Misaki' written next to it.
I used to think vandalism was pure nonsense. But now, I totally get those students who turn even the bathroom walls into their personal messaging boards. What's worse, some of them even use it as if it's like a dating site! Sometimes, I just don't get the youth these days. What's really the trend now? I'm honestly embarrassed by the modern version of their group chats.
Well, back to the Anthony–Misaki thing. I looked at her with a frown while she just stared down at the floor, still hugging that same notebook. I couldn't help but feel ridiculously flattered. It wasn't impossible that she was the one who wrote our names here. But I shouldn't jump to conclusions or get my hopes up. I'm aware that whenever there's the word hope, pain always comes right after it.
Why is it like that? Why? Explain to me, why? Because I'm so damn tired of being stupid. Maybe the name written on this desk just happens to be the same as mine, and I'm really just assuming things. I took a deep breath to pull myself together, then cleared my throat before asking her.
"Misaki, d-did you… are you the one wrote this?" I asked, embarrassed but still shameless enough to say it. Thick-faced, huh? Whatever maybe tomorrow we'll end up together. She slowly let go of the notebook she'd been hugging for a while and placed it on her desk. Then she answered, "NO."
Ouch. I knew it. I should've stopped hoping. At this moment, I just wanted to shrink out of embarrassment. I wanted to bury myself, my soul and all. I really thought she was the one who wrote our names on this desk. So that means… it's just a coincidence that the names written there have the same name as us?
So, to save myself from further embarrassment, I quickly changed the topic. I asked her what was so special about that brown notebook she had been hugging earlier. Just by looking at it, the thing already gave off a creepy vibe, like it was wrapped in mystery. I had this strange feeling that something bad would happen if I ever dared to open it myself.
What's inside that notebook? Now I'm getting curious. And as a ghost, I believe in the saying, my curiosity will double kill me. Why does that notebook seem so important to Misaki? Why does she hold it so tightly, like she has no plans of ever letting it go?
Why does it look like she loves it so much? Now I'm starting to get jealous of that notebook. What a lucky thing, it gets to be in her arms, while I can't even get her attention. Of all the things I could possibly be jealous of, why did it have to be a notebook?
It took her a while to answer me, and I wish I hadn't even asked about that notebook. I wish I hadn't approached her or spoken to her at all. I wish I was deaf so I wouldn't have heard her response that the person she loved most was the owner of that notebook.
My world suddenly stopped, and I felt like I couldn't move. So, she does have someone she loves. It felt like I was dying repeatedly because of that. I wish God would take me now. Is this the final death? Please bury me already!
To be continued