Wait a second, should I start blaming myself now? Because I actually hoped for something and ended up being the biggest fool. Nobody even told me about this! Like, seriously, how come no one warned me that this would hurt this much, not even one dared to comment down below. Everyone just kept quiet, acting like silent readers, but the moment there's bedroom rodeo, they suddenly flood the comments section. Oh, just kidding.
I couldn't move, just staring at Misaki, who still hadn't taken her eyes off that notebook. You know what, that notebook's starting to annoy me. She should be facing me right now, because I'm the one who's heartbroken here.
Turns out, the reason I felt uneasy about that notebook was because it actually belongs to the person she loves. And now, here I am, the fear I felt earlier has turned into pain instead. Is this the sign I need to move on? I'm sorry if I sound too dramatic, honestly, I don't even know what genre this story is anymore.
"Goodbye, class. See you next meeting," I heard the professor say to his students. Everyone started packing up and leaving, except for Misaki. One by one, they filed out of the room until only the three of us were left inside. Just me, Misaki, and the prof, who seemed to be finishing up with the things on his desk.
I started to feel a little nervous when the prof began walking in our direction. I tried to calm myself down. No need to panic, since I'm a ghost and he can't see me. Maybe he's just heading toward Misaki. Or maybe he'll just pass through the other door of the classroom to get out. Yeah, that must be it.
But even though he wasn't exactly looking at either of us, I could still sense that he was watching us from the corner of his eye, his face completely serious. There it is again, my overthinking. I always assume people are looking at me when they're clearly not. Still, what if there's a plot twist? Like, what if this professor actually has a third eye too and he's just pretending he doesn't?
I froze even more when he suddenly stopped walking and halted right beside where Misaki and I were sitting. I honestly thought he'd just walk past us and head straight for the door, but instead, he stayed there, standing still, his eyes not focused on either of us. I stared at him, and that's when I noticed something, his eyes were starting to glisten, and his nose looked a little red. Wait, hold on. Is he crying?
"I miss you, my dear sibling." Those were the words he left behind before finally walking out the door. I turned back to Misaki while confused. Who was that teacher referring to as a sibling? Oh man, don't tell me it's Misaki. It's probably Misaki, since she's the only living person in this room besides someone like me, who's the 'Another.'
If it's Misaki he was talking about, maybe she hasn't been going home lately, that's why her big brother misses her. I'm not sure, but I think he's Misaki's big brother, 'cause there's no way Misaki is the big sister. Did you get it? Well, anyways, I can't even remember how old I am, but I think Misaki and I were about the same age when I died.
Because I was too caught up in my thoughts, I didn't even notice that Misaki had already stood up and was walking out the door. I immediately ran after her. I don't even know why, but even after finding out she already has someone she loves, I can still feel a bit of hope. Well, it's not really a big deal for me to be the third wheel in their relationship.
I reached out and held Misaki's hand to stop her, and for a moment, our eyes met. I noticed something, a deep sadness hiding behind her eyes. I immediately looked away. Anywhere else on her face would do, as long as it wasn't directly into her eyes.
I don't understand myself. There's this strange feeling again, something I just can't explain. It's like that sadness I saw in Misaki's eyes came from somewhere deep inside me too, as if I'm somehow a part of it.
"Misaki, I want to be with you." I have no idea why, out of all the things I could've said, that was the one that slipped out. I probably should've asked her out on a date first. Guess I'm moving too fast with all this drama. I haven't even courted her yet, and here I am, acting all bold. Seriously, the audacity.
"Someday, the time will come." That was her calm reply to me. I froze at her words. What did she mean by that? Was she talking about the time when she dies. I mean, who really knows when a person's life is supposed to end? But judging by how she said it, sounds like it's still ages away. Who knows, she might even be a senior citizen by then if that's what she meant.
She lowered her head and stared at my hand still holding hers, which made me quickly let go. Amazing. Not only does she have a third eye, but we can also touch each other.
"I-I'm sorry," I said, scratching my head in embarrassment. She slowly raised her hand, the one that holding a notebook, and it looked like she was handing it to me. I frowned a little, glancing at the notebook.
Is she doing this on purpose? Does she really want to rub it in my face that she's already in love with someone else? If I could, I'd snatch that stupid notebook from her and bury it myself. Then I'd go haunt whoever that guy is, the one she loves and the owner of that notebook.
I wonder why is it that every time I get angry, I feel like killing someone? Could it be that I was a serial killer when I was still alive? Maybe I even died because I fought back when the police tried to arrest me?
Misaki still didn't lower her hand, so I decided to just take the notebook from her.
"Take care of it," she said softly. Wait, me? Did she really choose me to keep it? Why? She's only making it harder for me to move on. I didn't argue anymore, 'cause she might just end up reminding me again that her heart already belongs to someone else. I just hope I don't relapse over this once I'm in heaven.
I stared at the notebook in my hands. Suddenly, I had that strange feeling again. My hands began to move on their own, and before I knew it, I was about to open it. My heartbeat started racing even faster. What could be inside this thing? And why do I feel so weirdly drawn to it?
Could it be that I'm actually in love with the notebook, not Misaki? What a fool. Still, despite my nerves, I slowly opened it. I just had to know what was inside, no matter how uneasy I felt, because I'm also curious to be honest.
Before flipping a page, I lifted my head to look at Misaki again. But then I froze, she was gone. She had just been standing right in front of me a second ago.
"Misaki?" I called out, turning around in case she was behind me. But there was no trace of her, not even her shadow. I scratched my head, puzzled. Maybe this was her way of escaping from me.
I turned my attention back to the notebook and started flipping through its pages. There didn't seem to be anything strange about it, just long letters that honestly looked exhausting to read.
It was about halfway filled with writing, but something at the last page caught my attention. There was a short note written there, and the handwriting was completely different from the rest.
"The time will come when you return to me,
But my embrace and kiss you'll never see.
Though you may love me all your days through, Never again will I be with you."
That's what was written on the last page that I read. I don't understand the pain I felt after reading it. What does it mean? Why does it feel like that letter was meant for me? Is this her way of saying goodbye?
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I stretched my body for a bit. That was a long confession I wrote. My head's spinning from staring at the computer too long. I better stop typing now before I catch a computer virus like Carl.
Hello! You're reading my blog again. Thank you so much. Because of that, I'll be watching over you from now on. In fact, I'm right around you at this very moment, smiling quietly as I watch you read my blog. I know you're not scared, so go on, turn around.
Still loving, even after getting hurt over and over again,
—Anthony.