In the Car
The ride home was silent but heavy. Tears had stopped only to start again every few minutes. They had all been broken by Hanbin's story, picturing a twelve-year-old boy and two men — horror they couldn't forget. Their hatred of the Hanbin family deepened.
Passing a row of apartments, Chaewon said quietly, "Hyung, can you drop me here?"
Everyone knew Chaewon hid himself when sad. He had been doing it the whole ride, and everyone also knew he worried about Han. "Okay," someone said. "Stay the night and come back tomorrow."
Chaewon nodded, got out, and waited until the car left. Then he ran to Han's apartment, opened the door, and looked around. Han wasn't there. He must be asleep, Chaewon thought, sitting down on the sofa.
The thought that hanbin has escaped from the that dark room but Han maybe still inside made him sick and lose his mind.
He's been through so much. That's why there's a lock on his door. That's why he's scared to sleep alone. That's why he chokes himself when he's drunk. So that's why Seungmin doesn't let him drink. The realization made him go blank with sadness.
The door opened. Han stepped inside.
Chaewon rose. Han froze at the sight of him.
Seeing Han's red face, Chaewon moved closer, raising a hand to touch it. Han flinched back. Chaewon's heart sank — I've frightened him. He tried again, more gently. This time Han let him.
"Does it hurt?" Chaewon whispered, tears falling.
Han didn't answer. His eyes glistened. "I thought you'd never come back," he said.
"Why would you think that?"
"I thought you didn't need me anymore. That you'd stay with your brother now." Han gripped Chaewon's arm.
"How could I leave you alone? I'll never abandon you," Chaewon said, still crying. "Does it hurt?"
"It hurts here," Han murmured, pointing to his heart.
Chaewon didn't ask why. He simply hugged him tightly.
Han, watched him bringing first aidbox,mad him felt happy and sad at once. Chaewon was getting into his head, and he hated himself for this but one thing was clear: Han couldn't live without him. Maybe he liked him too. His feeling were not clear.
Afterwards Chaewon fetched a first-aid kit and gently treated Han's face.
Han held his hand. "I'm not a good, innocent person like you think. I'm a monster."
Chaewon's eyes softened. "Why do you think like that what happened."
Han signed and still holding his hand said:
"Today at the office my sister held a gun to kill our father — and I wanted her to do that. When she dropped it, I was angry really angry that she couldn't kill him. I wanted to pick it up and shoot him myself. I really wanted to do that. I'm a monster who wants his family member dead."
Chaewon wasn't shocked he couldn't understand why Han and his sister hate him so much.
"Were you able to do it?" Chaewon asked.
Han shook his head.
"Why? Were you scared of getting caught and that you might end up in a jail.?"
"I just… couldn't. When I was little there was a nun at the orphanage. When she got to knew that my father killed my mother and then himself. She said, 'How can a human kill another human? Isn't that like killing yourself?' that words suddenly came to my mind. So I couldn't do it."
"See? You answered yourself," Chaewon said softly. "You're not a monster. Because a human can not kill a human.Now go to your room and sleep."
"I'm scared," Han whispered, breathing hard. "I don't want to sleep alone. Can you stay with me?"
Chaewon blinked, then smiled. "Okay."
Han lay down on the sofa. Chaewon sat nearby, watching him.
Facing the other side, Han asked shyly, "Can I hug you while sleeping?"
"How are we both going to fit on this sofa?" Chaewon chuckled.
"It's not that small."
Chaewon knew he was supposed to keep his distance — Hanbin had told him so — but he couldn't resist. He lay down beside Han. Han rolled over and hugged him.
Thoughts swirled through Chaewon's mind. If he's adopted, is he in more danger than others? Will I ever be able to save him? Choi Seungmin keeps him safe. What am I to him? Just a housemaid who cooks and cleans? I'll never take the place in his heart that Seungmin has.
Yet he stayed, letting Han cling to him as sleep finally claimed them both.
Chaewon wanted to cry and shout on Han why is he doing this with him. If he has a boyfriend why is he clinging with him. Why is he giving him hope. But he couldn't. Because he knew if he will do it. It will end whatever is left in between them. So he promised that he will be useful to Han. And will do whatever he could do for him. He just wanted to Stay with him.