Chapter 7 — Life-Threatening Survival Exam
Uchiha Fugaku watched his clansmen leave and released a deep, weary sigh.
As clan head, he understood the nature of his people well enough. He didn't care what ridiculous things they did — pettiness didn't suit a clan leader, especially not the head of the Uchiha.
But the clan was simply too impulsive. A moment ago, they were passionately yelling about politics; now the elders were debating whether fried chicken was healthy for children.
Watching Asuka walking out side-by-side with an elder — and even seeing Fugaku secretly stuff something into the elder's arms — he sighed again.
Being clan head was exhausting.
---
Meanwhile outside:
Asuka walked out of the shrine with a chicken bone in his mouth. He leaned close to Elder Ryoichi and whispered:
"I say, Elder Ryoichi… when are we staging a coup?"
"A—coup?!"
Ryoichi jolted like he'd been electrocuted, eyes widening in panic. He glanced around frantically, lowered his voice, and hissed:
"You brat, are you trying to get me killed?!"
"No."
"Then why didn't I hear anything about a coup?!"
"The Hokage seat has never fallen to us. Why wouldn't we consider a coup??"
Ryoichi stared at him like this was the final boss of brain damage.
Young people these days… was this what passed for normal thoughts?
Seeing Asuka's curious, innocent look, Elder Ryoichi shook his head wildly. He hugged the family bucket Asuka gave him closer and whispered:
"Asuka, I'm your second grandfather. Your parents died early, but I'm still here. Next time you have thoughts this dangerous, think of me, okay?"
"Hiss…"
Asuka nodded thoughtfully.
"I know you're my second grandfather. So, second grandfather… when should we start planning the coup?"
"You little—!"
Ryoichi stared at him, veins popping.
Why was this kid's entire brain coup-flavored?
Was he lonely after losing his comrades? Was he craving affection?
"He's eighteen… It's marriageable age. No wonder his brain is collapsing."
After a long exhale, Ryoichi patted Asuka's shoulder and left.
A man needed a weakness — without one, their thoughts were dangerous.
---
Asuka watched him leave, stroking his chin. He walked home while thinking of his previous life and everything he'd observed.
From his probing, he was certain:
The Uchiha had no current intention of staging a coup.
Life was hard, resources were thin… but not enough to justify rebellion.
Hmm…
Could Fugaku have been the one who initiated the idea later?
Recalling some things an elder had mentioned recently, Asuka narrowed his eyes toward Naka Shrine.
"Uchiha Fugaku is a man who values the clan's future more than his own life.
He bears the crest with pride, is strict with himself and others, and always sacrifices for the clan's prosperity."
Such a man might consider a coup if he believed the clan had no future.
After all, someone capable of awakening those eyes…
probably wasn't fully stable mentally.
"…Maybe I should start by handling Danzo."
---
The next day, at the Ninja Academy.
"Iruka!"
A little girl with long purple hair stood beside Iruka, anxiously glancing at the door.
"Do you think we'll be in the same team? Who will our instructor be?"
"I don't know."
Iruka shook his head, looking just as nervous.
"Probably a chūnin… maybe a special jōnin… or possibly even a jōnin."
"Heh."
A contemptuous snort came from the side. A dark-haired girl with pale Byakugan eyes looked at them with disdain.
"With the war not fully over, almost all jōnin are still on missions. Why would we get one as an instructor?"
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Three knocks hit the classroom door. Before they could react, it swung open.
A black-haired man in a black battle suit and green jōnin mesh armor stepped in.
Holding a paper list, he walked calmly to the front.
Looking at the eight students seated inside, he read aloud:
"Umino Iruka. Uzuki Yugao. Hyuga Hana."
The three of them stood, nervous.
Asuka smiled lightly.
"Come with me."
Seeing the Uchiha crest on his back, the children exchanged looks.
It was widely known in the shinobi world:
The stronger the Uchiha… the more questionable their mental stability.
A jōnin instructor was great.
But an Uchiha jōnin instructor?
That was terrifying.
---
After bringing them to the rooftop, Asuka turned around and introduced himself:
"My name is Uchiha Asuka, Konoha combat-type jōnin.
I like cooked food, but I also enjoy raw food.
My current hobby is journalism, and my dream is to live a safe life.
Now it's your turn."
"G-gulp…"
Iruka swallowed hard and stepped forward.
"I—I'm Umino Iruka, fresh graduate. I love Ichiraku Ramen, I hate wasabi, my hobby is hot springs, and my dream is to become a teacher…"
"Hm."
Asuka nodded and turned to the purple-haired girl.
"My name is Uzuki Yugao. I just graduated. I hate greasy food, my hobby is flower viewing, and my dream…"
Her face turned red. She covered her cheeks.
"C-can I not say my dream?"
"Sure."
"Huh?"
Was this Uchiha… actually easy to talk to?
"And you?"
"My name is Hyuga Hana. I like bananas, hate milk, my hobby is daydreaming, and my dream is… freedom."
Asuka glanced at the caged bird seal on her forehead.
Ah.
A branch family child…
A pathetic fate.
He formed a hand seal — poof!
Three family buckets appeared.
"Normally, instructors give boring tests.
Team cooperation. Bell-snatching. Whatever.
But I'm different.
To gain my approval, you must finish these three buckets.
If not, I send you back to the Academy. I'm a combat-type ninja — this teaching job was forced on me by the Hokage."
"That's it??"
The three stared at the buckets.
This seemed too easy.
"Of course it's not that simple."
Asuka vanished — shoom! — reappearing moments later with a pile of additional ingredients:
Milk.
Mustard oil.
Wasabi.
Each child's least favorite food.
A terrible dread crept over their faces.
Bang!
Asuka bit open a milk carton with his teeth and poured it into a bucket.
Tun tun tun—
Watching the chicken being drowned in milk, Hyuga Hana trembled, eyes watery.
"Enough… please… enough…"
Asuka ignored her, slathering thick wasabi on each chicken leg.
Then he dipped a brush into oil and flicked it onto the chicken.
Drip… drip… drip…
Even he shuddered.
Finally, he handed each of them a bucket, his expression completely serious.
"This is your first lesson:
Ninjas cannot have foods they dislike."
"Oh, right—"
Sitting on the railing, he casually added:
"I'm extremely skilled at medical ninjutsu. Even though I swore never to use it again, if you get food poisoning, I could reluctantly treat you.
Oaths are for outsiders."
"Eat. Even if you repeat the Academy for a year, you're finishing these buckets today."
The three stared at the swirling milk-mustard-wasabi oil mixture in horror.
---
Half a day later…
Ugh—Ughhhh…
Cough cough…
BLEGH—
Asuka woke up from a nap to the sound of three dying souls on the rooftop.
He looked at the empty buckets and smiled.
"Congratulations. You're now qualified genin."
"U-um… sensei… my stomach hurts…"
Yugao knelt on the ground, trembling.
Asuka hopped down from the platform, placed a glowing green palm on her stomach, and after a moment scratched his head awkwardly.
"You heartless outsider… I told you to get any kind of bulk oil. Why did you give me fish oil?"
He tied his combat uniform jacket around her waist and sighed.
"Well, since it was fish oil, your stomach probably didn't absorb it. You'll have diarrhea later. Stay in the school toilet for half a day. I'll take you home tonight."
"Oh, and don't touch the oil stains on your butt. They're hard to wash out."
Yugao blinked, confused.
Then curiosity won.
She reached behind her—
SLICK.
"So much… oil…"
She stared at her palm in horror — then bolted toward the bathrooms, face crimson.
"You drank too much milk — you'll be in the toilet all day."
"You ate too much wasabi — you'll be constipated. Buy a glycerin suppository later. Otherwise tomorrow's going to be… painful."
After treating Iruka and Hana, Asuka wiped sweat from his forehead, staring at the sunset.
"Being a teacher is exhausting.
It's only the first day and I'm already ready to retire…"