CHAPTER 12 — The Mission Maniac
Today was bright and sunny.
Despite being February, the heat was enough to make anyone want to peel off layers — much like the green blur that had just sprinted past them.
"Sigh…"
Uzuki Yugao wiped sweat from her forehead, staring wistfully at the energetic green figure vanishing into the distance.
"When will I have that kind of energy every day… like Might Guy?"
"Good morning…"
A weak voice floated beside her. Hinata Hana shuffled over, face pale as snow.
With white eyes and a white face, she looked like a ghost that had crawled out of a freezer.
Yugao shivered and waved back.
"Good morning, Hana."
"You don't look well either," Hana said, giving a dry, wry smile. "I hope nothing unexpected happens today."
"Yeah… I've been stuck in bed for two days. Some of the other early graduates already completed two missions. Some even finished three D-rank ones."
"Three in two days!?"
The familiar voice behind them made both girls stiffen.
They turned to see their instructor.
Please… please… don't do anything weird today…
They both prayed silently.
Asuka didn't notice their dread. He simply placed a hand on each of their shoulders and proudly declared:
"Yugao, Hana… have you heard of the Konoha legend?
The one who did ten a day?"
Both girls froze — pupils shrinking like they'd just seen a forbidden scroll explode.
Their minds immediately went to the recent scandal the gossip aunties were whispering about:
A couple reunited after months apart.
Their kid asleep.
Their "mission" accidentally overheard by neighbors.
Ten times in one day.
Their faces turned crimson and they stared at the ground as if it were holy scripture.
Asuka blinked.
He looked down.
Nothing on the ground.
So why were they acting like that?
He reached forward to check their foreheads—
"AHHH!!"
Both girls shrieked like they'd seen a demon.
They jumped back two steps.
Silence filled the park.
Asuka froze mid-air, slowly retracting his hand.
He stared at the sky, mentally sighing.
Why are students so hard to handle…?
Before the awkwardness could thicken further—
"Sorry, teacher! I'm late!"
Iruka sprinted toward them, panting heavily and bowing repeatedly.
After a moment, Iruka realized Asuka wasn't scolding him.
He wasn't even looking at him.
Instead, Asuka was crouched on the ground… drawing circles in the dirt.
Iruka blinked.
"Why does the teacher look constipated…?"
"Hmph!"
Hinata Hana grabbed Iruka's sleeve and dragged him closer.
"Iruka, you don't know. Just now, he tried to tell us that gossip.
Is that something a teacher should talk about?"
Iruka blinked.
"What gossip?"
Hana's cheeks puffed in anger.
"That Konoha legend — the one who does it ten times a day! Ten! And he acted proud about it! In front of two girls!"
She kicked a pebble violently.
Isn't the Uchiha clan supposed to be cool and aloof?
Where did this… pervert come from?
Iruka rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"Ten a day is impressive, though."
Both girls froze.
Iruka continued, voice full of admiration:
"During my bed rest, I researched our instructor.
He's completed:
17 S-rank missions
169 A-rank
287 B-rank
334 C-rank
And… 3078 D-rank missions."
Silence.
Then—
"H… how many!?"
Hana shrieked so loudly a bird fell off a branch.
Iruka nodded solemnly.
"3078. The Konoha D-rank mission maniac."
He sighed in admiration.
"He set the record for completing ten D-rank missions a day when he was seven."
Understanding finally hit both girls like a Rasengan to the face.
"…Oh."
"So he meant mission count…"
"What else would he mean?" Iruka said, baffled.
"Girls think too weird sometimes."
"Teacher, we're so sorry!"
Hana and Yugao shuffled behind Asuka, staring at the circles he'd drawn in shame.
"We misunderstood you."
Asuka tossed the twig aside, clapped his hands, and stood up.
"I'm not petty. If your periods interfere with missions, I can adjust your body structure.
If you marry and don't want kids, I can perform sterilization—"
The girls trembled violently.
Asuka stopped, sighed, and ruffled both their heads hard.
"I'm kidding. Relax."
"We're sorry, teacher…"
"It's fine. Let's go."
He grabbed all three and marched toward the mission center.
His original reason for becoming a medical ninja — besides dabbling with Yin and Yang Release — was also to get close to Fugaku and Mikoto.
Demonic couple, the both of them.
Honestly, if he hadn't intervened, Itachi probably wouldn't have been born.
And Mikoto… well… she was overdue for that tubal ligation.
When they arrived at the mission desk, Asuka's smile vanished.
A Hyuga clansman sat behind the counter.
Asuka raised a brow.
"I'm here again."
The Hyuga looked up, blinked… then froze.
"…Uchiha Asuka?"
"Yeah, yeah."
The Hyuga frowned.
"You know this counter only gives C and D missions. For S/A/B, go to the Hokage."
"Well~"
Asuka leaned over, tugging his three kids close, chin resting casually atop Yugao's head.
"I'm a teacher now. Give me the list."
The Hyuga blinked.
…He brought children.
The girls nodded awkwardly.
Yes, we also don't know how we ended up with this man.
"Give it."
"Huh?"
Before he could react, Asuka snatched the mission list from his hands and examined it with a bored expression.
Missing cats.
Lost pets.
Scavenging.
Digging sweet potatoes.
Babysitting.
"As usual," he muttered.
Then he pointed rapidly.
"Five missing-cat cases.
Five lost pets — but no dogs; I hate dogs lately.
Three scavenging tasks.
Babysitting's out, kids with diarrhea annoy me.
And that investigation one. Give that too."
"Teacher…"
Asuka felt a poke on his thigh.
He glanced down.
Yugao stared up at him anxiously.
"Say it."
"T-Teacher, that's… enough.
Really enough.
We're not restocking groceries. You don't need to take everything."
"A lot?" Asuka blinked.
"Ha!"
The Hyuga slammed the scrolls onto the desk.
"Every time you come here, I feel like a shopkeeper.
Please leave!"
"Thanks!"
Asuka handed all the scrolls to his three students and waved cheerfully.
Nearby ninjas watched in baffled silence as the four of them carried off a mountain of scrolls.
"…How can they take more than ten at once?"
"Don't you know who that is?"
"Who?"
"Uchiha Asuka.
The reason the mission department went from three rules… to eleven."
"Eight of them exist because of him."