After that night, I didn't know that Kashrut also noticed what happened. Then, because I was still annoyed with her sister, I couldn't stop myself from saying everything to her.
I told her what happened and the reason behind it.
"Sister Lief, she really is something else. I also noticed that it was you whom Liam approached, not her. The girlfriend of brother Taylor and I were also surprised, you know. It's like you two have your own world there"
"Hahaha! Yes. By the way, I saw Yohan sing. I didn't even enjoy what he sang." I complained to Kashrut because she knows how I feel about Yohan.
"That's right. How much did you spend there, sis by the way?"
"I don't know, I just give them one thousand five hundred I think. Why?"
In the amount I mentioned. Kashrut was taken aback. With that amount, I guessed it's too much already as she knows how much we spend when we usually drink sometime. It can't even reach one thousand but with that amount, we all chip in.
"Wow, that's really something, and then she did that. And she's the one who suggested that you drink that."
"Hahaha! You what, it's okay. Don't worry about it. It's just a one time thing" I reassured her.
After that escapade, in the month of September, I learned that I passed the Civil Service Examination, in Professional Level. According to them, a total of 64,420 examinees passed the Career Service Examination – Pen and Paper Test held nationwide, representing a 16.88% passing rate.
The Civil Service Commission (CSC) announced that 54,478 examinees, constituting 16.42% of the total candidates, have successfully passed the CSE Professional Level. Furthermore, 9,942 individuals, accounting for 19.97% of the examinees, passed the Subprofessional Level.
Knowing the result, I was so happy that I passed.
Out of the many people who took the exam nationwide, I am one of the few who PASSED.
I was lucky to be one of them.
It's just that, Kashrut tells me that, Brackilyn said, that's just luck. I was just lucky that I passed the exam.
Sheesh!!!
She's just jealous of me.
Hahaha!
I don't care even if she'll die of envy.
After that, I learned that she had also applied for the next exam the following year. She even bought a reviewer. Before her exam, Kashrut told me that in the church, they repeatedly prayed for Brackilyn's success, hoping that she would pass the exam.
As for me, I just stayed quiet and then told Kashrut, "At least she bought a reviewer and has time to study."
You see, when I took the exam, I didn't have time to review, and I was extremely sleep-deprived. During the exam, I struggled to stay awake because the night before, I had to finish baking something for my customer.
Unfortunately, when the results came out.
She didn't pass.
I actually laughed.
I couldn't help but tell Kashrut that it served her right.
She's telling someone that I just got lucky on the exam , it turns out he won't be able to pass.
Pathetic!!
Mind you, she even reviewed. They even prayed for her.
Really pathetic!!
Yes!
I'm being bad here.
But, it's her fault.
I didn't even pray that she wouldn't pass because I was so busy.
Starting that moment, well, it's just me. I started to dislike her attitude.
Even before, I already had a problem with her. Since our college days, we always went home together. I would always wait for her, even if it meant coming home very late at night. On top of that, I couldn't say no to her mother, who requested that we go home together when she learned that our dismissal times in the evening were only thirty minutes apart.
At that time, her family didn't know that she had boyfriends, different exes, and flings. All the neighbors in Emerald Mountain Village, as well as our families living there, saw her as a Maria Clara type—so innocent and pure.
No one knew that she was actually a "black lotus".
Only I know.
Here's more, one time, during our college, we always came late because aside from her always wanting the other route leading our way home, she always insisted on stopping at her big sister's rented house.
During that time, I know that she's only making that excuse because her current boyfriend at that time was living just right beside her sister's home.
I wanted to complain. I wanted to do something. But I just can't do anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings. I can't do anything anymore. That's why I just agree.
I didn't even argue when she requested that we go home using the other path, which involved climbing, because she refused when I suggested taking the downhill path to our house. She said it was too dark and scary.
Scary, my ass!
She was just being dramatic again.
I asked her if she was serious about her relationship at that time, but she only told me that she was only interested in him because he had money. She also had many flings back then—entertaining multiple men online. Not only that, she's enjoying all the attention from other guys whenever they talk to her. Mind you, talk to her about STUDY.
As we kept going home late, I didn't realize that she was always using me as the "reason" for our late nights, when in fact, she was the cause of everything.
I just went along with it because she's my cousin! Meanwhile, all I wanted was to go home and sleep, as I had so much work, assignments, and projects to do as an IT student.
I felt hurt and deeply disappointed. At that time, I told myself that I shouldn't be lenient toward someone like her.
She's not worth it!!
Anyways, as I don't like her attitude and she began to be incompatible with the likes of me, I distance myself from her.
Back to the story, during our drinking session with Mar's big sister, we were so loud. We don't know that we're actually bothering the neighbors next door because they kept complaining about us. Our bad. But within the night, the three started to play Dart games while I was only watching them. While the three was playing—-
"Lief, you should play with us!!"
Brother Steward invited me, smiling. Then he reaches out his pin darts to me.
I shake my head no, "No, I'm okay here. You know, I'm so short, so of course my hand couldn't reach that far."
After saying that, I laugh slightly.
The three showered me with their teasing.
"Really? You can't be kidding us!!" Mar roasted me.
I just pout in my seat as my form of complaint.
I stood and went to the dartboard, doing my very best to reach it, but I still couldn't—my hand just couldn't reach the board.
They all laugh at me.
"Shit Lief you won't even reach the dart board!!" Mar teases me while the other two laugh.
I turned to face them and made a face, which earned another round of laughter.
After that, we all got drunk.
Yohan suggested that we have some coffee inside the house first to ease our dizziness a little.
As usual, I just went along with them, even though I wasn't actually drunk.
I stayed composed, quietly watching them.
After drinking coffee, we talk, we laugh.
I was very happy and content at that time.
As always, as we come the same direction. While making our way back home, I was with Yohan.
I was touched because, while we climbed the stairs—--Mar's sister's house is located in a very low area. My back was facing him, and he was right behind me. Unexpectedly, he held my waist to support me so I wouldn't fall.
I smile secretly because of that.
I am sure that he won't see me.
But as if remembering something, he let go.
I am kind off, disappointed.
Yeah!!
Super bad of me!
As we walked on the path upward, because there's a road going up into our own destination as they were only separated with one house, suddenly, Yohan, went near me and held my waist tightly.
"Huh!! You're actually really small." He laughed.
He's crazy.
I didn't know that, in that move of him, he checks my height.
My head only reaches his shoulder.
"Hmp!!"
I can't reply to him properly as my mind only thinks about the heat that his body produces, transmitting into my body.
Indicating how close our bodies are now.
"Remember what happened at grandmother's comfort room?"
For a while, I stayed silent.
I look at Yohan.
He really does remember what happened.
All of it.
This is the third time he said that to me.
I didn't expect that he would know. That he still remembers. It's been many years. I thought he had already forgotten it as he was drunk at that time.
To my surprise, he kissed me suddenly.
My heart melted.
I can't do anything.
I wanted it badly!!
"Let's do a quickie?" He invited me and pulled me to the back of the car that is parked in there.
I don't have much knowledge about sex.
The last intimate experience I had was a long time ago, in my grandmother's comfort room, with Yohan.
At twenty-three, I admit I watch porn of all kinds, even though I don't actually have real experience with it.
As I said, this is all new to me—my first in everything.
I do know what a quickie is, so I feel a bit nervous, but that nervousness is mixed with anticipation. I'm actually being bold here.
I also know it's wrong, because he has had a longtime girlfriend and they're still together after many years.
But—- I don't care. All I thought is that. I wanted him.
I let him pull me. Leading me somewhere.
Thank God, it is already twelve in the morning and the place is so dark.
I found out that he pulled me at the back of the parked car beside the big stone.
Not once did it cross my mind that there might be someone inside the car.
While leaning me through the car, he kisses me again.
After a while of deep kissing, he guides my head down ward. Down to his center. Urging me into eating his core.
I didn't object.
I just went with the flow because at the same time, I wanted to try giving someone a mouth job. Especially Yohan.
I wanted to please him so I just did it.
Without further ado, without seeing his reaction, I put it in my mouth.
For the reason that I was already drunk, and the alcohol perhaps already affected me, I didn't feel a thing. Nor did I taste something.
After bobbing my head for a while. But I know, my teeth sometimes touch his core.
I knew he was disappointed about that.
But what can I do? That is my first time giving someone a mouth job.
He stopped me.
He guided me into facing the car, my back, in front of him.
Accidentally, I slammed my hands through the car, making a loud bang, because I thought I'm going to fall.
He shushed me.
He starts unbuttoning my jeans and starts lowering it as he pushes me down so that my butt will face him further.
As he entered me, I was shocked that he entered my back entrance instead of my jewel.
I know he missed it.
It hurt.
It really hurts, but I didn't protest.
After five thrust, he stopped.
Yes! That's right, I count.
I looked back at him questioningly.
He didn't respond as he guided me to face him.
Before I can say something, he kisses me deeply.
After a while of kissing while his body pinned me and hugged me tightly.
My mind abruptly thought about his girlfriend.
It's like cold water was splashed at me there and that woke me up.
Interrupting my urges. My seeking feelings for him. My rotating delusions.
So, even though my body and heart protest, I stop Yohan from taking more steps further.
"As you said, we can go all the way once my house is built and ready to live in. You can wait until then," I told him sincerely, my hands gently holding his face on both sides so he could look straight into my eyes.
Then, filled with emotion, I kissed him softly on the side of his mouth.
Yohan didn't say a thing. He just kissed me again. But he didn't stop, like previously, I stopped him again.
"I promise!!" I said again to him directly, not breaking our eye contact.
Thank God!! He listens to me. So, after calming ourselves there, we proceed to walk back to our home.
While walking—-
"Huh!! You really got me hooked today. Remember, you owe me." He said to me while holding my waist and hugging me sideways.
"Hmm. . "
When we reached the gate through my uncle's house, I said my goodbyes to him, strengthening my courage. I gave him a hug there. I'm sure I surprised him with my actions, but thankfully, he didn't say a thing.
But after a while of me just hugging him there, he joked, "Hahaha. Let's go to your house."
"Haha. No. I'm already content just the way it is." I said, which in the last part, I really say it to console myself. I don't care if it confused him.
After I let him go, he said his goodbye and left. I just stand where I am standing.
My gaze never left him. It followed him. When I couldn't see his silhouette, I then left too, slowly.
When I got home, I entered silently through the door. As I know, everyone within the house has already fallen asleep.
When I quietly entered the room I shared with my cousin, my younger cousin was still awake.
She greeted me as soon as she realized I was home.
I think she noticed that something was wrong, because the next day, during the night when we were ready to sleep, she asked if I was okay.
I wasn't.
As usual, every time I interact with Yohan, I end up feeling lost.
After every encounter, my state of mind changes — I always feel down during the night, though I usually recover after the next day.
Still, it always leaves me feeling depressed.
I keep wanting more.
As I can't take it anymore, I blurted out everything.
I start by telling all the way from our very first interaction up until today. As well as my dissatisfaction with Brackilyn even if I know that Kashrut is close to her.
All of it.
"Big sister, seriously, how long is it?" Kashrut abruptly asks me if I looked at her unbelievably.
"Really?" I ask her.
Sarcasm evident.
She just laughs.
"I don't know but I got slightly choked." I said straightforwardly at her, causing her to laugh hard.
'Jeez. . . . this girl!!'
We didn't notice the time as we had a heart-to-heart talk. She even complains that she too, has many complaints with Brackilyn.
It turns out, Brackilyn also uses Kashrut within her excuses in all her make-up alibis whenever she wants to go out or come home late—and many other times too.
According to Kashrut, she's a big flirt disguised as a decent lady, which made me laugh hard.
I also straightfully said to Kashrut that Brackily is a kind of woman who wants to have all the boys' attention.
At that time, we knew she was seeing a younger man, yet she was still entertaining others.
What made me laugh even harder was that she actually agreed with me.
Kashrut even told me that she feels Brackilyn can't accept that she's pansexual—especially since she once had a secret girlfriend, which Brackilyn eventually found out about.
That black lotus couldn't account for the fact that Kashrut had a lesbian relationship with someone.
Two days pass.
Kashrut told me that, according to Brackilyn, she was asking why we didn't invite her or tell her that we were going out for a drink. She even joked that maybe I just wanted to be the only girl at that drinking session. She also mentioned that we're not as close as we used to be.
LIKE WHAT THE HECK!!!
In the first place, she's the reason why Mar and I didn't invite her as she always declines and said she already changed her lifestyle. That she's already passed the days when she drinks till midnight.
Then that's what she would say.
SHIT SHERLOCK!!!
My hatred for her intensified.
Because of what that black lotus said, I started to hate her even more.
Childish as it may seem, I began telling my aunt about every complaint I had about that black lotus whenever I went to buy barbecues from her.
During the time when I was waiting for my order to be cooked, my aunt once told me that, according to others—and based on what they see—everyone thinks that black lotus is very nice.
I was, of course, surprised.
Unbelievable!
Disgusting SHIT!!!
Then my aunt added, "So that's how she really is. In fact, her mother always proudly tells everyone who buys from their store that her daughter is always kind to other people."
Which I only laugh at.
That's theirs.
Huh!
I don't care!
As long as for me.
They're all wrong!
I know. It's very bad to talk to someone behind their back. But, is she worth it?
Noooo!!!!
SHE"S NOT!!!!
Like I said. I don't care. Anymore.
I already forgot that I have a family member named Brackilyn.
Months passed by again.
One day, one of my distant cousins told Uncle Tyus that she and her live-in partner wanted to take a vacation. Since they didn't have anywhere else to stay, Uncle Tyus said yes and welcomed them into the house.
The thing is, the woman was already pregnant, and her belly was quite big.
After their supposed one-week vacation, they were still staying with us. Even after three weeks, they're still staying at my uncle's house.
That's when I found out they were actually planning to live there for good.
I was shocked, so I complained to Kashrut about it.
It turned out she also had a lot of complaints, but we both knew we didn't have the right to refuse, so we just went along with it.
After about two months of living with them, I learned from Kashrut that our cousin—either second or third, Candace—had said that my cooking wasn't delicious and that she couldn't get used to the taste.
I was really offended by that.
I can tolerate anything, except for people complaining about my cooking.
Hell.
They will surely offend me.
I know Uncle Tyrus and Kashrut love my cooking. Even though they sometimes complain about their taste, they never say much because they know I'm in charge of the cooking — after all they don't know many recipes to cook. Because of that, I always do the cooking, even when I'm very tired from work.
I just stayed silent and didn't say a thing and Kashrut too, didn't say a thing as we saw that uncle really favors that girl.
After many days, and having already urged my mother to have our comfort room finished, I insisted that I would live in our own house, which is a little far from Uncle Tyrus's house, even if I had to live there alone.
I couldn't take living with that woman and her partner any longer.
On top of my dissatisfaction with living there, I learned that Candace's live-in partner openly told her that I am pretty, which made her jealous of me.
Not wanting any conflict, I decided it was best for me to move out.
When I moved into the house, I wasn't really used to it since it wasn't finished yet. We didn't even have water or electricity, though the windows were done.
Thankfully, I still had some water from rainwater that had slowly collected there. Despite these challenges, I quickly got used to it because, in truth, I am a loner and sometimes enjoy being alone.
The house gave me that convenience. I wasn't afraid to live there by myself, even though people often said that someone had seen a ghost in the house.
I lived there happily and contented. No problems, no worries. It's just the longing that I felt for him, Yohan.