From the start, Allen was never the kind of guy who could handle alcohol well, so he simply avoided it after several "incidents."
Like that time he ended up fighting a bear… who is now a professional boxing coach. Then there was that desert incident, when he drank some magical brew handed to him by none other than the god of drink himself—Jack Sparrow—which made him hallucinate and drag poor Agent Phil Coulson along for the ride. So yeah… Allen had experience with this sort of thing. But that didn't lessen the shock of waking up with no memory of what happened.
Allen took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down.
Alright… it happened again. It's fine. As long as I didn't kill anyone or do something I'll regret, everything will be fine…
He felt more confident this time. After all, he'd been through a lot lately, enough to toughen his character. He braced himself for whatever nonsense his drunk self might have caused.
"Mmm~"
"…?!"
Allen turned to the side, only to see a woman under the sheets, sleeping peacefully. She clung to his arm, making him feel her naked body.
He held his head as fragments of memory began flashing in his mind. A soft body melting into his arms, gasps and moans urging him to devour her… a night full of heat and passion where he lost control. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't put a face to the woman lying beside him.
Slowly, Allen reached for the sheet. At this point, he could only accept whatever happened and take responsibility—otherwise, his girlfriends would tear him apart.
His mind ran through possibilities. Was it Erza? If so, it wouldn't be strange—they had almost crossed the line twice already. Could it be Lucy? Also not strange, considering he technically kidnapped her from her home and even fought her father for her, later promising to "take care of her." Reading between the lines, the intention was clear.
Juvia? If it were her, that wouldn't be weird either. Their relationship had developed quickly, and she practically adored him—borderline obsessed. If something happened, Allen's only concern would be her turning full yandere afterward.
Lastly, Mirajane. A girl with a wounded past who kept moving forward. She had regained her magic, but the pain of losing her sister still lingered, making her hesitant to give her heart away completely. If it were her, Allen would have to be extra careful not to hurt her in the future.
Those were all the possible candidates… right?
No. Allen, being the bastard he was, knew that while those four were the most likely, there were others…
Why am I even doubting? Allen shook his head. With a harem and romantic ties across the multiverse, he wasn't exactly the type to hesitate in a situation like this.
When he finally pulled the sheet back and saw the face, Allen froze.
Wavy chestnut hair. Soft, tanned skin, glistening—maybe from all the previous activity. Long lashes framing a face that, when not drinking or swearing, was undeniably beautiful. A voluptuous body capable of making men gasp… if you ignored the fact she drank like a forty-year-old sailor.
Cana Alberona.
"…What happened last night?!"
Allen didn't want to believe it was Cana. Out of all the girls—Levy, Laki included—she was the least likely to end up in bed with him… right?
No. He grabbed his face as he remembered how, when Cana drank too much, she would get clingy, trying to make him drink with her. Many times, Laki and Mira had to drag her away before she got too "affectionate." Given that, they might have ended up here together.
Allen covered Cana's naked body. He did feel a spark of attraction toward her, but given the situation, it was way too late for regrets. Still, he had no idea how she'd take this. Being Cana, she might act like it didn't matter and treat it as just a drunken accident. But Allen knew better—this was a shonen world, and romance here always took a backseat. It was easy to tell that most girls, main or side characters, had little to no experience with relationships. If that was the case, he couldn't just brush this off and risk hurting her, even if she didn't show it.
Then there was the fact that Cana seemed irritated by his personality. Maybe she'd had bad experiences with womanizers before.
Without knowing what to think, Allen got out of bed, glancing back at Cana. She frowned in her sleep when she no longer felt something warm to hold onto, her expression turning sad. Allen found it cute and almost went back on impulse to be her pillow again—something that made Cana smile in her sleep.
I guess I can stay another hour… Allen thought, praying this was the only thing he'd done last night.
....
An hour later, Allen walked into his bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He had endured an hour of sleeping beside a girl with terrible sleeping habits.
Cana had tried to bite him, lick him, kiss him… and every time Allen tried to pull away from the very provocative naked woman, she clung to him even tighter. He began to suspect she wasn't asleep at all, but his hangover dulled his senses.
Looking at his reflection, he saw the eyes of a predator. At this rate, he really would eat Cana again, so he decided to take a shower. With that in mind, he turned around, made his clothes vanish, and pulled the curtain open.
"Mmm… hm…"
Allen's eyes shrank at the sight of Virgo in the bathtub. Not bathing, though—she was wearing handcuffs, a blindfold, a ball gag he recognized as one of those adult toys Albedo owned, and a poorly worn bunny suit.
The girl didn't seem to be in distress. On the contrary—her heavy breathing, flushed face, and beads of sweat said plenty. As if that wasn't enough, a bit of drool escaped her lips. Her tastes were very clear.
Allen closed the curtain and took a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Maybe this is just a hallucination from the water? I knew the water in this world had some weird substance… that's why half my potions fail!"
"Ah~ Master~"
Virgo's voice dripped with heat. Somehow, she had removed the ball gag. Allen, his expression harder than steel, nodded to himself, turned, and walked out as if he had seen nothing. Virgo could close her own door anytime, ending the summoning of herself…
Of course, Allen was a man of culture and with a healthy body so to say that he was not tempted by Cana and Virgo would be a lie, but he was also responsible and wanted to know first what had happened.
Allen felt he'd made a few mistakes today, but nothing he couldn't fix. With a calmer mindset, he headed to the kitchen in search of coffee. No—lots of coffee—to get rid of his headache.
"Thanks for bringing back our idiot~" Erza's voice was cheerful.
"It was nothing. Thank you all for welcoming me…" replied a man's voice with a calm and pleasant tone.
"No, no. Our idiot is just too careless. Imagine forgetting where he lives? Haha~" Lucy's voice was just as happy.
Allen frowned. Maybe he was a bit jealous—that much was already known and proven—but never to the point of getting upset over nonsense. However, hearing Erza's and Lucy's cheerful voices laughing with who-knows-who in his own house made him feel like using whoever was in his dining room as a test subject for his experiments.
When he opened the door, he saw Lucy and Erza sitting at the table, talking to a giant cat...
"Huh?"
Allen froze, unable to process what he was seeing. He rubbed his eyes, thinking he might have seen wrong, but no—there it was, an orange cat. Not a tiger, not some mystical beast—literally just a giant cat. And it talked.
"Good morning, Allen~" Erza stood up and walked over to a dumbfounded Allen, adjusting his shirt.
"We have guests, could you at least greet them?" Lucy chuckled before standing up and taking Allen by the arm, dragging him toward the cat. "Come on, why don't you thank Mister Furball here for bringing you back home?~"
"Furball? Mister?" Allen took a moment to process. "Seriously, it doesn't strike you as strange that there's a giant talking cat? I mean, yes, it's a magical world, but it's not like I see unicorns and phoenixes roaming around."
Erza and Lucy exchanged glances, then looked at Allen with raised eyebrows, as if he were the one in the wrong.
"Erza, this guy doesn't remember a thing…" Lucy said with an icy tone.
"That's right—he doesn't remember anything…" Erza replied, her voice laced with restrained anger.
"Wait, girls, before you start—what happened with Cana wasn't planned, I—"
"Cana?" Lucy's eyes went wide. "What about her?"
Erza grabbed Allen's arm with a grip that wouldn't let him escape. At that moment, Allen realized he had just made a mistake—neither of them seemed to know what had happened in his room. Allen, activating his "galaxy brain" and drawing upon all the accumulated wisdom of a shameless womanizer, began crafting an excuse on the spot.
But even he had limits. His mind short-circuited when he noticed both girls had beautiful diamond rings on their ring fingers. The designs were different, but equally eye-catching.
Allen—who had even fought the devil himself—suddenly felt an unfamiliar anxiety creeping in.
What the hell happened yesterday?!
Allen's confusion must have been obvious because both girls stopped being hostile. Lucy stepped closer, resting her hands and head against his chest, making sure the ring was clearly visible. Then she looked up at him through damp eyes, a blush on her cheeks.
"Is something wrong, darling?~"
Allen felt an electric jolt shoot through him. On one hand, he wanted to kiss Lucy. On the other hand, he reminded himself that he had no idea what kind of relationship they had now.
Were they still just friends, and this was simply a gift he'd given her? Had they finally made their relationship official? Were they engaged? Or—dear god—had they already gotten married?!
While Allen was still lost in thought, Erza's warm, soft hand slipped into his, conveying affection through her touch. Unfortunately, it also reminded him that Erza, too, was wearing a ring. When he looked at her, she was giving him a slightly irritated expression, as if to say, Don't you dare forget about me.
....
Allen left the dining room after mumbling some excuse and headed for the basement.
"I think it's been a confusing morning… I should do some alchemy to relax my mind."
Allen decided to leave these problems for "Future Allen" and focus on regaining his mental peace—though the hangover wasn't helping.
Once in his workshop, Allen was greeted by the scent of magical herbs and metals. The place was divided into sections, each separated by runic barriers so that, for example, the heat from the forge wouldn't damage the plants and ingredients in the alchemy lab.
Allen felt that brewing a few potions might help him clear his head before confronting Lucy and Erza again. After all, he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel something for both of them at this point. But going from that to being engaged was still unexpected. Of course, Allen had no intention of backing down from his words or actions—whether he'd been drunk or not, he'd take responsibility.
One interesting detail was that, so far, neither the system nor the other girls had shown up, which was unusual. Normally, 2B, Albedo, Esdeath, or Wednesday would've been the ones to wake him up in the morning.
Allen refused to believe he had done something with them too. He reaffirmed his decision: leave everything to Future Allen. Screw it!
When he reached his worktable, his renewed mood didn't last. His face froze. Several potions sat there, none of which he had any memory of making.
"Don't tell me I started making potions when I was drunk?!"
Potion-making was a precise, delicate process—as Snape once said, a single mistake was the difference between a cure and a deadly poison. Allen can only be thankful that he didn't blow his house to smithereens.
Allen approached cautiously and picked one up. This particular potion had a little happy-face sticker on the side.
When he opened it, a black cloud emerged, forming into a skull in front of him. The most absurd part was that the skull laughed—maliciously.
Muahaha!
Allen, expression blank, closed the bottle again without reacting further.
"I'm going to ignore that…"
The second container wasn't even a proper potion vial—it was a pickle jar. Inside, the liquid fizzed like soda. A note on the side read: Hangover Cure.
Allen eyed it suspiciously. He knew this potion had been made by his past self, and since he knew that guy was a complete bastard, he didn't trust him one bit.
When he opened it, the liquid started bubbling violently. Sensing danger even without his spider-sense, Allen used "Apparition" to send it somewhere far away. Legend has it that, out of nowhere, the remote region of Web Valley suddenly became an active volcano spewing blue lava…
Allen shuddered. Was his past self trying to kill him? Considering that Allen usually screws his future self it is understandable that he hates him and vice versa.
He shook off the thought and grabbed another vial—this one looked like a normal healing potion. Allen opened it, and a fist immediately shot out, punching him so hard that it slammed him against the wall. Caught off guard, Allen hadn't defended himself, and the hit had even broken one of his teeth. He fixed it with magic, stood up silently, walked back to the table, and frowned.
"You son of a bitch!"
In a bizarre turn of events, Allen insulted and cursed himself—making it clear that only Allen could troll Allen.
The workshop door opened, and Albedo walked in, wearing her classic white dress and smiling warmly.
"Allen-sama, I'm terribly sorry for the delay~"
Allen observed her in silence. She was in a great mood—oddly sweet and calm, considering Erza and Lucy had been wearing rings. It was strange she wasn't overflowing with jealousy. Lowering his gaze, Allen noticed the ring on her hand too. At that moment, he staggered back.
"Allen-sama?!" Albedo ran to him, catching him with gentle care while Allen realized he might have done far more than he imagined.
"Albedo… when was the Harvest Festival?"
Albedo blinked, then smiled. "Two days ago~"
"Shit!"
"By the way I have great news~" she looked at Allen affectionately, while caressing her own belly.
"Albedo?" Allen began breathing heavily. He had just crossed the finish line?! 'WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO YESTERDAY?!'
===
A/N: 🍷🗿
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