I may have done worse but not a day I ever thought I would do what I did last night and few minutes ago. Thank my manhood for not getting harder last night, I would have cursed myself blaming alcohol. But what about the few minutes ago? Who or what will I blame? Sense spoke to me asking what or who I'll blame. May be Linn for getting me hard, or may be Tasha for leaving me. This wasn't me. Having an unprotected sex with a total stranger was not the Zach I knew. Tasha was laughing at me and so was the devil.
What the hell was I thinking? This felt worse than sleeping with someone and later realizing she is a relative. F**k me! What if she is..., I couldn't think about completing the sentence at the moment for I would never forgive myself. Or maybe I won't! Or maybe I was just freaking out over nothing, may she is hurtles. Off course she seems to be a nice, modern and harmless young lady who could never harm anyone. I convinced and encouraged myself trying my best to gain as much courage as possible.
I have to stand up on my grounds and repair my broken principles of interest once more. I told my inner self. Will I? Was I even able? I wasn't sure of who I was anymore. It's true these things happen in movies and in dreams and that's why we are warned against trying them at home.
"Come on Zach, this is not a dream its reality and you have to face it, the devil named Tasha in my head said unto me laughing at me the same time. I was at the highest state of fear of myself and the reality. "One of the most difficult moment in the religious life is facing the reality when you very well know that you could have avoided the wrong but you went ahead to do it", a priest said to me. To me this was one of those moments.
Why did you do it? I forced myself to ask her trying to smile not to make it look bad. Mercy smiled moving her sweet red lips slowly slightly portraying her gorgeous, spotless and sexy teeth. She turned to lie down with her back focusing her eyes on my white with golden stripes ceiling. I could not fail to see how her boobs built small hills on her chest. Wished I could move my fingers up and down and create some vegetation. I could tell from the look of things that she expected the question since last night after the kiss inside the car.
"One, to break the tension in your mind right now, I have never done this before with a stranger", (is that what she thought of me, a stranger? How could I be a stranger to her after all we have been through, I was hurt) she started to say rolling her eyes round and round like my grandfather during storytelling figuring out where to start and what will be the deadline.
"All my life, I have never loved anyone else except my neighbour and childhood friend. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Our houses were few meters from each, used to go to the same school together and spend all our times together since I was in class two. He was one year older than me but we were in the same class. He used to live with his mother and an older brother, his father died few weeks after he was born. On the other hand, my mother left when I was little leaving me behind with my drunkard dad. Life was so hard but Kelvin was always there even when I did not need him. He would spend the night at my place Iwhen my father did not come home and I felt safer with him more than with my father. He was a good friend and not a day that passes without missing him.
The bond between us grew stronger, especially during high school. We could not spend a day without seeing and talking to each other a couple of times. After high school we decided to take things to higher level. From best friends to lovers. That was our biggest mistake but we did neither care nor know what was waiting for us at the other side. He promised to take care of me forever after we kissed for the first time.
We were selected to different universities and the distance between became the biggest barrier of our desire for each other inside and outside us. It was long and far from conducive for lovers who needed each other like we did. If only we knew that this was a warning sign, things could be different.
It was not going to be able to see each other for the next four or more months. From the Kenyan coast to Mount Kenya was not a short distance to make promises of traveling to see each other from time to time. And again even if we wanted to, our financial statuses could never let us do it. But we made promises to keep each other in our hearts and take care of our bodies till we met again. That's what we thought before parting, little did we know the devil and lots of obstacles were busy planning the feast of the century to take away our last sweet moments.
"What the hell are you doing?" Kelvin's mother shouted after she stormed inside his son's room to find kelvin right between my legs making love to me vigorously like it was the last time. We jumped to cover ourselves with the nearest sheets as her mother covered her eyes with her hands. She seemed confused, frightened and terror was drawn all over her face.
"It's good to knock mum, and again it not a big deal we love each other", Kelvin answered his mother smiling. Her mother got more and more mad, we could not understand why anger was burning all over her like someone who has found his or her partner in bed with his or her enemy.
"Now", She ordered, "listen to me very carefully", she continued, "this has never happened, and will never happen again. And stay away from each other from today. She ordered in more commanding voice than ever." she commanded seriously.
"Why? I mean I love him and we are not babies anymore" , I said as I raised the shit to cover my breasts better. "And we will marry each other someday, isn't it Kelvin?" I asked kissing him softly on the lips.
"Stop! Stop!" Her voice was more coarse and more commanding and betraying at the same time. "You don't understand and I am sorry."
"Then make us understand why we should stay away from each because that is not going to happen mother", kelvin said, hugging me and kissing my neck.
"She is your sister!" She let the heartbreaking news out. I fainted.