I'm screwed, I could feel it.
"Fuck my mom, shit!"
Gremlins were swarming in from all directions.
—Tetchaaaat!
It was because the mage had accidentally blasted their nest. The enraged gremlins came charging in a frenzy. I stepped forward to apologize and try to smooth things over, but there was no way these barbaric reptile bastards would understand human language.
"What the hell are you doing?!"
The mage lost her shit when she saw me apologizing, screaming like I'd gone insane.
If she had the brains for that, she should've just cast a defense spell instead. She was the one who blew up the nest in the first place, so why was she bitching at me? People understanding each other is damn hard. And trolls blaming others? That's just par for the course.
I was too tired to even call her out on her bullshit anymore.
"Gah!"
—Tetchat! Tetchat!
Our party of just four low-level adventurers—total fucking scrubs—tried to hold off the onslaught. It was a bit much for us, so I, tanking up front, got pounded like a dog in the dog days of summer.
"Fucking hell! It hurts so much! Shit!"
My screams kicked it off, and soon similar cries erupted from everywhere.
"Kyaaak!"
"Save me, please!"
Of course, it wasn't just me getting fucked over.
The shitty troll mage, the old apprentice priest geezer, and the hero-aspirant swordsman kid—who hadn't inspired confidence from the start—were all getting their asses handed to them in real time.
I swung my sword as hard as I could to hold them back, managing to kill a few at best. It didn't make much dent against the endless waves.
"Hey, hey! It hurts! Get off me, you fucking bastards!"
I screamed in agony.
—Teeeng!!
One I could handle, but two, three, four, five, six clinging to me? No bullshit, I couldn't shake them off. I never thought I'd learn the hard way that no one stands up to a gang beatdown.
Lessons always taste bitter.
Mostly all over the body.
"You fuckers! This is brand new armor!"
The furious gremlins tore into me like maniacs. Seeing my precious quilted armor, which I'd scrimped and saved for, getting shredded—it hurt my heart more than my skin...! You fucking bastards!!!
"Stop ripping me apart, you motherfucking dog whore shits!!!"
—Tetchaaaat!
"Uwaaak! Oh gods! Please save this lowly servant!"
"Kyaaak!"
The priest geezer and the mage bitch could only scream.
Their shitty gear left blood pouring from wounds everywhere, looking fucking painful. Watching that gave me a weird sense of satisfaction. Armor really is key. But shit, I shouldn't be happy about this.
This party was a total bust.
Not that there were ever any good ones.
This wasn't working.
"Drop the cargo and let's bail!"
I yelled with everything I had.
Our quest was to haul some mysterious ore lump from the cave back to the guild. But we'd stirred up the gremlin nest on the way back with the load, so continuing was impossible.
Not even ten of them—dozens. No way to break through. The nest hid way more than we'd imagined. Escaping with cargo in this situation? Forget it. If we didn't bolt now, we'd get surrounded and that'd be it.
Gremlins are dogshit alone, but in a swarm? Game over.
Admit it or die for real.
"What?! What about the quest?!"
The swordsman kid, with five gremlins on him, replied like an idiot.
I was about to explode. Worried about the quest when we might die any second? Fine now, but if the retreat got cut off, we'd die and end up on the gremlin menu. Even geared up, dozens clinging on? No shaking them.
But if I bitched more, we'd all die, you fuck!
"Fuck the quest!!!"
Raging, I rolled hard to shake off the gremlins on me, kicked one off the mage, and spat curses.
"We gotta survive first, you stupid bitches!!!"
Retreat!
"Woooo!! Oh gods!!!"
—Pukeong!
With retreat confirmed, the apprentice priest geezer unleashed his last burst—a wave of light from his body. The newbie priest's holy skill, Holy Wave. The gremlins hit by it got flung back toward the burning nest.
—Tetchung?
While the dumb gremlins were dazed on the ground, this was our chance!!!
"Run!"
The priest geezer and swordsman kid bolted through the confusion. I hoisted the still-out-of-it mage girl over my shoulder and ran.
"Kyaa, kyat! Wh-what are you doing?!"
Shitty bitch or not, I couldn't leave her to die. Party member death means massive penalties. And not just any adventurer—she's from the Magic Tower? That's beyond penalties; I'd get blacklisted. Worse, 100% chance of a mage lynching.
"Rescue op! Stay still! Please! Ack! Stop hitting my back!"
Quest failed. A super easy one, royally fucked.
No pay, what the hell for dinner? Dark circles already felt like they were sagging to my chin. Motherfucking tank, seriously.
"Huff! Huff!"
"Think we're safe this far?"
Once far enough from the nest, no more gremlins chased. That's when I finally set down the calmed mage, and we trudged back as defeated remnants.
The mage seemed pissed I'd carried her like some bandit. She bitched the whole way to the city, but I had nothing to say.
If I didn't hold back, fists would fly. Then no more partying with mages ever. Hell, it'd be a group lynching. Who messes with mages? Those crazy gangsters could erase a scrub like me without a trace.
Anyway, no energy left to punch.
Tired and slowing, we reached the city just before sunset.
Guards prepping to close the gates caught my eye. A bit later and we'd have camped outside—chills down my spine. Sleeping wounded outside is suicidal. Cold, bleeding? Catch a cold and you're dead.
Survived, great... that's it. Our party returned in gloom. Guards saw our wounds and let us through without hassle.
They looked pitiful. Fucking embarrassing.
No cap, envied those iron-ricebowl bastards.
Wanna stand around doing jack shit for pay too.
"I'm never partying with you losers again!"
Finally at the Adventurer's Guild, the mage shrieked. 'Fucking piece of shit bastard' rose to my throat, but I swallowed it. This bitch. Still clueless about her fuckup.
Gave me goosebumps.
"Aigoo, miss mage, don't be like that..."
Even crappy as she was, mages are premium. Losing her sucks for me. Shit personality, zero skills, but she drew people. Plus, no good looking bad.
"Get your hand off!"
Of course, she slapped my hand away. This bitch forgot I saved her ass already, fucking ingrate. That's why mages suck. Ungrateful, look down on people, personalities trashed.
Fucking hellish bastards.
"Guess I'll head out too..."
Mage stormed off, then the swordsman kid said bye. Probably never party again. Mutual. The boy vanished into the city without regrets.
Total disaster party.
The apprentice mage, no manners, bitched nonstop, clueless about her place. The guild trainee swordsman kid talked big but was weaker than me, an E-rank. Three days was a miracle.
The least bad was the balding apprentice priest geezer—why still apprentice?—minor boomer vibes aside, fine. But with DPS in the toilet, even healing flopped.
I was fine.
No bullshit, good tanks are innocent. Not my fault. The close-range DPS swordsman kid DPS'd less than the tank—trooper with no output. My pain unspeakable. Skip the mage. Stress maxed.
Bottom line: all DPS were shit worse than tank output.
"Haa."
Anyway, everyone's fault. Blame whom? This ain't MOBA. Blaming others in harsh reality? Just painful wank.
"Priest geezer, now what? Kid aside, mage ditched."
"Dunno. I'm out. Take care."
"Hey, damn it."
Quest failed, party disbanded. Priest geezer reflected the setting sun's glow off his shiny dome and strode off coolly. That monk bastard's chill as fuck. Got a place to crash, light steps. Church life's enviable.
"Ah, fuck."
Curse slipped out. Wanted more, but E-rank yelling big feels conspicuous, so stopped.
Shittiest part: I was party leader. Gotta report the failure.
Nothing goes right.
I sadly flung open the Adventurer's Guild door.
Fuck this isekai world.