"Elliot, what exactly did you do?! Why is Qiqi chasing us with a sword!!"
Zane's mask was about to fall off, and the thunder hammer on his back was crackling with electric sparks.
Three meters behind him, Qiqi, wielding a long sword, had red light flashing in her eyes, her short legs creating afterimages, and the sword edge carved a trail of ice on the ground.
"Wasn't I just curious about how Qiqi, being a zombie, needs a Talismanic Command to move!"
Elliot was also running frantically, leaving a trail of footprints behind him.
"I just tried giving her a Talismanic Command!"
Jesse roared, "You idiot!"
He grabbed Zane's belt, lifted Matt by the waist with his other hand, and finally balanced Elliot on his head.
"What good could your one-third-baked Talismanic Command possibly do—Holy crap, how am I carrying all this?!"
Jesse, who was two meters tall, was seen single-handedly holding the seven-meter-tall Electro Lawachurl, gripping a Brute under his armpit, and balancing a Hydro Ranger on his head, running faster than a speeding Ruin Guard.
Matt, who was being carried, looked completely bewildered, his head successively snapping five street signs.
"Huh?"
Matt's Electro Lawachurl mask was askew.
"I'm the Electro Lawachurl, right?"
He looked down at his dangling giant feet.
"Jesse, aren't you the Anemo Hilichurl Rogue?"
"Is this the time to worry about that?!"
Zane's thunder hammer smashed away a wooden crate blocking their path.
"Elliot, what the hell did you write on that Talismanic Command!"
Elliot's mask suddenly transformed into a Crying Cat Face: "I just wanted to tease Qiqi..."
His voice became softer and softer.
"But I ended up writing the Talismanic Command as: 'Hilichurls are Coconut Milk, and Coconut Milk must be sliced open with a sword before drinking'..."
"Elliot! Did an Ice Slime freeze your brain?! (x3)"
The trio's angry shouts startled all the Wagtails on the entire street, causing them to fly away.
Qiqi's pursuit speed suddenly increased by 200%, and the phantom of a Frost Dragon condensed on her sword tip: "Coconut Milk... Slash!"
"Help us—!"
the quartet, running blindly, charged toward Bubu Pharmacy, knocking Baizhu, who was sun-drying herbs, flying into a pile of ginseng.
Changsheng tied herself into a Chinese knot in fright: "Oh no! The zombie is killing people!"
On the roof of the Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor in the distance, Zhongli's ninth teacup finally survived—because he had grown used to this.
Hu Tao excitedly raised her Kamera: "New business opportunity! 'Zombie Crisis Escape Experience,' buy four tickets and get a broken-bone discount!"
"Wait for me—!"
Little Azhdaha sprinted frantically behind them on her short legs, her dragon tail spinning like a propeller.
Seeing the distance widen, she suddenly narrowed her dragon eyes and performed a charged jump—
"Pfft!"
Matt's mask instantly contorted: "My kidney!!"
Little Azhdaha had accurately landed on his lower back, her two little fangs biting onto his belt buckle.
Veins suddenly bulged on Jesse's arm muscles: "Holy crap, why is it twenty times heavier—"
Before he finished speaking, the quartet plunged into the ground with a "boom," as if struck by the Geo Lord's Planet Befall, plowing a five-meter-long trench in the flagstone road.
"Elliot, you need to lose weight!"
Zane's mask scraped against the ground, sending sparks flying.
"Bullshit! It was clearly Matt... Wait a minute!"
Elliot suddenly noticed an extra accessory hanging on Matt's back.
"Little Ancestor, when did you get here?!"
No sooner said than done, the unstoppable Qiqi, bringing a Frost Storm with her, slammed right into them—
"Pwaaah! (x5)"
The extremely cold Cryo element instantly erupted, turning the entire street into an ice rink.
The six-person human pyramid slid with a "shhliu" sound into a construction pit by the roadside, which had a sign posted at the entrance reading: [Underground Maintenance, Entry Forbidden to Unauthorized Personnel].
"Bang! Crackle crackle! Boom—!"
Bone-jarring crashing sounds came from the pit.
First, Zane's thunder hammer flew out and stuck into a street sign, followed by Elliot's Scythe (still spraying water), and then Little Azhdaha's bow hairpin (which pierced the notice board)... Most ridiculously, various pieces of furniture continuously flew out of the pit:
An Eight Immortals Table with teeth marks
Three Grand Tutor's Chairs that were freezing over
An electric fan spinning by itself
And even a steaming Hotpot!
Xingqiu, who was passing by, was dumbfounded: "Did... did they empty out some inn?"
Chongyun quietly pulled out his compass: "Are we sure this isn't the work of evil spirits?"
Suddenly, Elliot's distorted voice came from the pit: "Wait! Qiqi, don't—"
"Swish!"
A blast of ice-blue Sword Qi shot into the sky, transforming the pit into an outdoor hot spring.
Six ice sculptures, frozen in a human pyramid formation, solidified in the center of the spring, with Jesse at the bottom still maintaining a middle-finger salute pose.
...
The entire street fell into silence.
Three seconds later, the ice sculptures cracked open with a "kacha."
Little Azhdaha was the first to bounce out, a frozen Wagtail perched on her head: "That was fun! Let's do it again!"
Baizhu's faint voice drifted from the ruins: "My Bubu Pharmacy renovation fund..."
Above the Jade Chamber, Ningguang and the others, witnessing the tragic state of Liyue Harbor: "..."
—
"Phew... it's finally over..."
The four Hilichurls lay sprawled out in a "big" character shape on the flagstones of the Jade Chamber, their masks askew and their cloaks tattered.
Behind them was the street that had been a complete mess five minutes ago but was now sparkling new.
The floor tiles polished by Jesse using the Anemo element were so bright they could reflect the color of Ningguang's underwear;
Zane's assembled Automatic Repair Device was carving flowers onto the Bubu Pharmacy's main door;
The Hydro element summoned by Elliot washed every roof tile until it shone brightly;
As for Matt, he tore down the buildings that were completely ruined.
Zhongli stood in the shadows, holding the sleeping Little Azhdaha, his Cor Lapis earrings faintly glowing.
Although Venti had long ago written a letter warning that "those four troublemakers would overturn the physical laws of Teyvat," upon seeing Tartaglia frozen into an ice sculpture embedded in the city wall by Qiqi, and then "sizzled" off the wall using a thunder hammer like a soldering iron, the Retired God still crushed his tenth teacup.
"Gulp gulp gulp~"
Qiqi, relieved of the Talismanic Command, happily drank her coconut milk, swinging her little feet in the air.
She was completely unaware of the miracle her zombie instincts had just created—for instance, carving an illustration guide titled 'One Hundred Ways to Drink Coconut Milk' onto the exterior wall of the Golden House using her ice sword.
"291, 292..."
Tartaglia was frantically doing push-ups in the plaza, and the ground cracked slightly with every repetition.
This Snezhnayan Warrior still couldn't figure out why he had been knocked out of Liyue Harbor by a small zombie holding coconut milk.
Keqing said listlessly, "How many more days do you think the people of Liyue Harbor can endure this?"
She pointed into the distance—a Millelith soldier was teaching new recruits the 'Thirty-six Escape Poses for Encountering a Raging Honorary Knight.'
Ningguang's Vermilion Hairpin was tilted to one side.
She silently looked at the Traveler passing by, her eyes filled with the plea, "Please take these four scourges away."
Lumine, who was chewing on Mora Meat, suddenly choked.
She followed Ningguang's gaze: the four Hilichurls had, at some point, formed a human ladder and were secretly picking Glaze Lilies from the Jade Chamber; Paimon had already pulled out her Kamera to take pictures; and Little Azhdaha's snot bubble refracted rainbow light in the sun.
"Are they causing trouble again?"
Lumine asked weakly.
The four Liyue high officials simultaneously offered tired but polite smiles.
A bill slipped out of Ningguang's sleeve: "Summary of Today's Losses," with the suggestion written in cinnabar at the bottom: "Recommend hiring the Traveler as the Honorary Knight Guardian."
"Alright, they definitely caused trouble."
Lumine nodded resignedly.
Just then, she suddenly realized half of her Mora Meat was missing—Elliot's mask was suspiciously bulging and making "smacking" sounds.
Zhongli's long sigh drifted from afar, accompanied by the Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor's latest advertisement slogan:
[Second Tombstone Half Price, Four-Person Group Purchase Enjoys Soul-Scattering Discount]