"Hey! Buddy! Let's spar!"
Tartaglia's twin blades glinted coldly in the sunlight. He did a backflip and landed on a wooden crate on the dock, his orange hair fluttering in the sea breeze.
The Harbinger from Snezhnaya had already adopted his signature starting pose—if you ignored the Liyue Food Map tucked into his belt and the hawthorn skewer peeking out of his back pocket.
Lumine's face drooped as she slowly pulled out the Skyward Blade, which glowed faintly green: "This is the seventh time today..."
The blade still had a sticker on it from Elliot's morning prank: "Strongest Chef."
Paimon floated nearby, munching on a grilled Tiger Fish: "Why don't we introduce him to the quartet of troublemakers?"
She pointed into the distance—Jesse was using the "Automatic Sparring Machine" invented by Zane to relentlessly beat a Ruin Guard. With each punch, the machine automatically counted: "Winning Streak: 114514 matches."
Since Lumine hadn't experienced the Fatui's ambush, her attitude towards Tartaglia was quite friendly—she even helped him pick up his wallet when Qiqi accidentally knocked him over.
Now, she took a fighting stance, but her sword tip was deliberately three inches off: "First, agree to treat me to Wanmin Restaurant after we're done."
"No problem!"
Tartaglia smiled like a child with a new toy.
Of course, he didn't know that in the original story, he would do something as foolish as releasing a God.
After witnessing the various bizarre abilities of the four Hilichurls, he stayed up all night to change the "Osial Awakening Plan" into the "Liyue Food Check-in Guide."
"Clang!"
Sparks from clashing blades startled the seagulls at the mooring.
Tartaglia grew more excited with each strike, his hydro blades carving dazzling arcs in the air: "Excellent! Just like that!"
He completely failed to notice that his cape had been shredded into a fringed style by the sword's aura.
In the distant teahouse, Zhongli's teacup suffered again.
He looked at the twelfth shattered cup in his hand and suddenly felt that retirement wasn't so leisurely after all.
"Don't sigh, Mr. consultant~"
Hu Tao skipped over, offering new tea sets.
"Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor has a new 'Geo Archon Substitute Service,' would you like to..."
Before she could finish, a tremendous crash echoed from the direction of the Golden House.
Little Ruo Tuo swept the roof tiles flying with a flick of his tail, shouting at the sky: "Morax! Where's the allowance you promised me?!"
Zhongli's hand trembled, and the teapot shattered again.
He silently pulled out the rat talisman, on which a sticky note had been attached at some point: [Setting Suggestion: A Frugal Archon Who Loves to Make Money]—signed with Zane's chibi avatar.
"Forget it."
Zhongli gently caressed the teacup in his hand, watching Lumine and Tartaglia fighting joyfully by the dock, then looked at the four Hilichurls in the distance teaching Qiqi how to play mahjong, a faint smile playing on his lips: "Such a Liyue... is not bad at all."
— — — — — —
Meanwhile, with the quartet.
With nothing else to do, the quartet took out their phones for a game of Honor of Kings, and also handed Lumine a phone.
"Jesse, what are you doing! You're Dian Wei! Go jungle!"
Elliot was spitting water frantically, his phone screen splattered with droplets.
He watched helplessly as Dian Wei, controlled by Jesse, crouched in the bush on the clash lane—exchanging emoji with the enemy Cheng Yaojin.
"Isn't Dian Wei a tank?"
A question mark emoji popped up on Jesse's mask as he poked haphazardly at the screen.
"I see his HP bar is so thick..."
"He just has high HP growth!"
Elliot's shout made all the pigeons in Liyue Harbor take flight, and the phone case in his hand cracked.
"You've been picking Mushrooms in the jungle for ten minutes!"
Lumine cautiously poked the screen with her index finger: "Pai-Paimon... Why is this little girl called 'Angela' constantly chasing me?"
Paimon, watching the game, spun around anxiously: "Traveler, run! She's an enemy!"
Before she finished speaking, Lumine's screen turned gray.
Matt's Electro Lawachurl mask was entirely plastered on the screen: "This 'Arthur' is so powerful..."
He didn't realize he had been circling in the fountain the whole time.
"Which button do I press to spin like him?"
The only normal one, Zane, silently glanced at the scoreboard: 1-12-3.
A distressed mask emoji popped up on his mask: "Elliot, maybe we should surrender..."
"First Blood!"
"Double Kill!"
"Triple Kill!"
Accompanied by the stirring electronic sound, the enemy Diao Chan had already pushed up to the high ground with the minion wave.
Elliot's fingers blurred across the screen, his Han Xin limitstealing the mid lane's second tower, only to look back and see—his four teammates having a tea party in the Dragon Pit.
"Defeat!"
Along with the crystal explosion effect, Elliot's mask cracked with a "crack."
He grabbed his phone and slammed it to the ground.
"This is infuriating!"
Elliot's cape billowed without wind, and Hydro elemental energy swirled around him in a berserk effect.
"I'm a Glorious King, and I can't carry four Bronze players!"
Jesse curiously picked up the phone fragments: "This game is fun, but the teammates are too temperamental..."
Lumine weakly raised her hand: "Um... I think I used my ultimate as a heal..."
Matt was still studying the equipment bar: "Thorns Armor... Is it worn inside?"
Yelan, watching from afar, silently pulled out her Kamera and saved the precious scene of "Internet-addicted Youth Angrily Smashing Phone" into the Liyue Records of Oddities.
"I'm not playing anymore! With you four noobs, my rank points will all be gone!"
Elliot angrily turned off his phone.
The trio sheepishly put away their phones—Jesse's Windwalking Mask still had a screenshot of his "0-21-3" score, Zane was secretly deleting game records, and Matt hid his phone behind his Electro Lawachurl mask.
The phone in Lumine's hand disappeared with a "poof" of white smoke. She was already used to the quartet's unscientific actions: "So what do we do next?"
"What do we do?"
The four Hilichurls turned in unison, their eyes under their masks glowing with dangerous red light.
They pulled out their modified weapons from who-knows-where:
Jesse's nunchaku became a fire-breathing "demacia justice Edition";
Elliot's folding stool was upgraded to a "Noxus Guillotine Special Edition" enchanted with Hydro element;
Zane's thunder hammer was entwined with a "Deus Ex Machina" effect;
Matt directly transformed into a "Thunder Gaba" form... "Of course, we go vent our anger! × 4"
The four strode into the wilderness with an arrogant gait, kicking up three meters of dust behind them.
Zhongli, drinking tea at the Jade Chamber, his hand trembled, and the tragic state of the Hilichurl tribes suddenly appeared in his teacup, scaring him into quickly pouring out the tea.
That day, the monsters and Treasure Hoarders of Teyvat experienced their darkest hour:
A Blazing Axe Mitachurl had just raised its shield when Jesse's "Fatal Strike" cleaved both it and its shield in half;
The Cryo Abyssal Mage's shield was spun into shaved ice by Elliot's "Slay All Quarters";
A Ruin Guard's missile had just launched when Zane used his thunder hammer to hit it back like a baseball home run;
The most miserable was the Geovishap; Matt directly sat on its back and started doing the "Thunder Gaba Shake," causing cracks to appear in the Ley Lines... "Awooo—!"
"Mommy, save me!"
"Surrender! We surrender!"
The monsters' screams echoed through the sky, startling Xiao, who was eating Almond Tofu at Wangshu Inn, almost causing him to fall into the water.
A certain Abyss Herald passing by had just opened a teleportation portal, but upon seeing the quartet brutally beating a Geo Dragon, he silently closed the portal.
In the evening, the quartet returned to Liyue Harbor refreshed.
Behind them followed a string of Treasure Hoarders tied up like zongzi with vines—all bruised and swollen, with white flags fluttering above their heads.
"That was satisfying~"
Elliot slung his folding stool over his shoulder.
"Much more stress-relieving than playing Honor of Kings!"
Zane was numbering the captives: "Tomorrow, send them to Ningguang as laborers..."
Matt added: "Food and lodging included..."
Jesse, meanwhile, piled up the spoils of war: "These masks can sell for a lot of Mora..."
Lumine and Paimon watched this scene and silently added to the Teyvat Adventure Guide: [Never play games with the quartet—it will cost lives (monster lives)!]
On the bulletin board of the General Affairs Department in the distance, a new notice was quietly posted:
[Liyue Harbor Security Greatly Improved]
[Monster Sanctuaries Under Construction]
Zhongli looked at the four figures with their arms around each other's shoulders in the sunset and suddenly felt that he didn't have enough teacups again...