Chapter 14: The Hat Sees Too Much
By the time the great oak doors to the Great Hall finally opened, and Professor Dumbledore made his appearance to welcome the first-years to the start-of-term feast, the group of rowdy young children was deceptively quiet.
"No arguments this year?" his eyes twinkled. "I'm surprised. Normally, all of the troublemakers would have shown themselves by now. Ah, well. We can have thanks for small mercies. The Bloody Baron seems to have done a good job silencing Peeves this year."
Tom was half-afraid that some loudmouth would pipe up about that last bout of political savvy, but luckily, all children are the same in that they never speak about anything they consciously know will get them in trouble.
So all of them stood there, wide-eyed and smiling, acting like they were perfect little angels instead of the immature little hellions of thirty seconds ago.
It was then that Tom realized that Ogg probably had been instructed to leave them alone on purpose, and that the teachers of Hogwarts had been using this tactic for years, to figure out just exactly which students they had to watch for.
Leave a bunch of impressionable and nervous children inside a room without any adult supervision or some other form of central authority, and watch society break down.
All it took was one person. Sometimes, it was a prankster, who told the others excessive rumors about life at Hogwarts that they had heard from older relatives. And sometimes, they were kids like Lestrange, who tried to assert dominance by weeding out the weaklings and picking on them to show their power.
The former group were mostly harmless and could be expected to mature; the latter needed to be watched and toned down slightly.
Not that it did much good, since the arrogant upstarts were always sent home every summer for their parents to build up their misplaced ego again.
"Well?" Professor Dumbledore asked, gesturing to the inside of the Great Hall. "The Sorting Ceremony is about to begin."
So the ragtag gaggle of youngsters eventually managed to sort themselves out and slowly walked down the center of the Great Hall, between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables.
Above them, the roof had been charmed to look like the night sky – not transparent, but rather, transmitting the image.
Television, Jerry murmured. This might be useful.
"When I call your name," Professor Dumbledore announced, "please step forward. There are four Houses, starting from your right, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. They are all equally good, and will help you succeed wherever you choose to go."
All houses are equal. But some houses are more equal than others.
And yet Hufflepuff seems to be just as lively as the other three.
Well, the world needs more Hufflepuffs.
Because nice people are easier to control than brave, smart, or sneaky people?
Shut up and pay attention.
Tom really didn't care about any of the others, but he did make an effort to pay attention to the people he had distinguished early on as future important people.
Flitwick, Filius sat there for about five minutes before the Hat finally decided on Ravenclaw. Lestrange, Edmond went to Slytherin after about half a second.
McGonagall, Minerva, like Filius, also sat there for a rather long time before the Hat sent her to Gryffindor instead.
Well, at least he now had anchors in two Houses and a half-anchor in a third. If Pomona went to Hufflepuff, that would be very convenient indeed.
"Riddle, Tom!"
He could see Lestrange's nose suddenly turn upwards at the sound of his very Muggle name.
Well, screw you too, Lestrange.
What now?
We remind him of our dominance at the next closest opportunity, that's what, Jerry snarked. Same way as before. Oh, and "accidentally" drop that your middle name is Marvolo, too. That is obviously wizard.
Tom made sure to give Professor Dumbledore a shy smile, which the man happily returned, before gracefully sitting down on the stool and waiting for the Hat to be dropped.
His face painted a picture of utmost composure. No fidgeting, no nervousness, no anticipation – just a stone, cold, marble coolness. Out of the corner of his eyes, right before the cloth slipped over his eyes, he could see an approving frown forming on the faces of some of the older, more politically trained Slytherin purebloods, and a scowl on Lestrange's face.
Hm. Problematic. But not completely unresolvable.
Pay attention! Jerry snapped.
NOW, WHAT'S THIS?
Great. Three voices in his head. This day just kept getting better and better.
Please ignore him, Mr. Hat, Tom replied. He's a disassociative personality. Anyway, I love books and reading and learning, so will you put me into Ravenclaw?
There was silence. And then:
HAH! HAH! A HA HA HA HAH!
What's so funny?
YOU WANT TO GO INTO RAVENCLAW, BOY? NO, THERE IS ONLY ONE SPOT FOR YOU –
Wait wait wait wait hold on Hat you can't do this to us! Not Slytherin, not Slytherin, anywhere but Slytherin!
YOU WOULD EAT THE GRYFFINDORS ALIVE, BOY, LET ALONE RAVENCLAW OR HUFFLEPUFF, AND YOU REFUSE SLYTHERIN?
Come on, we're not that bad…yet.
Listen to him, Hat. We know what's best for ourselves.
SOMETIMES I PUT CHILDREN IN A HOUSE WHERE THEY THINK THEY DO NOT BELONG FOR THEIR OWN GOOD.
BUT IN THIS CASE YOU KNOW YOU BELONG IN SLYTHERIN AND ARE TRYING TO PERSUADE ME OTHERWISE. THIS IS NO LONGER A QUESTION OF THE GOOD OF THE STUDENT; IT IS A QUESTION OF THE GOOD OF THE WORLD.
Hey, if you think I'm evil, then why don't you put me in a house that isn't evil? You know, good influences and all that.
THAT ONLY WORKS FOR CHILDREN WHO AREN'T ALREADY PLANNING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AT THE AGE OF ELEVEN. IN THIS CASE NOT EVEN A CHANGE OF HOUSE WOULD DETER YOU FROM YOUR AMBITIONS.
I promise I won't be that rotten apple that spoils the barrel.
Come on, Hat! Put us in Ravenclaw! Pleeeeease? Please please please please please? You know how Slytherins are. We're SO Muggle! Not Slytherin! Not Slytherin! Not Slytherin!
In all seriousness, though, I don't think Salazar Slytherin would be very appreciative of our enthusiasm for Muggle technology.
It would be a very wise decision to put us in Ravenclaw, where our skills would be put to better use. Otberwise, the Slytherins would implode.
If you really cared about the greater good, Hat, you should listen to us. See, the Slytherins live in dungeons, and when dungeons implode, the rest of the structure will come crashing down on top of it. It's basic physics, really.
NICE TRY. BUT CONTRARY TO CURRENT TRENDS, NOT ALL DARK LORDS ARE MUGGLE-HATING BIGOTS BENT ON GENOCIDE.
I MAY NOT ALWAYS RECOGNIZE EVIL WHEN I SEE IT, BUT YOU, YOUNG MAN, DON'T JUST TIP THE SCALE: YOU INVERT IT.
Oh, so just because we're evil, we absolutely have to go to Slytherin? That's racist!
HOW IS THAT RACIST?
OI! You were going to put Harry Potter in Slytherin, too, but he kept going "Not Slytherin" so you changed your mind! Why can't you do the same for us?
Who's Harry Potter?
-----
Want to jump 30+ chapters ahead right now?
You can read the advanced chapters and support me directly on p 4 treon.
Link in the synopsis & profile: p 4 treon > ForgottenDaoist