Chapter 16: Snakes, Smiles, and Future Overlord Lessons
He didn't look much like the other Slytherins – they all seemed to fit in either the "slim noble heir who is here because of family political training", "ratty spoiled brat who thinks he belongs here but really isn't as smart as his parents should have hoped", "scrawny street rat who had to resort to other means for survival", or "thick, stupid lumps of flesh that were too lazy for Hufflepuff" prototypes.
Slughorn was fat, but in a jovial Santa Claus way, not like the dumb muscle types Tom saw at the table.
He was also, from Tom's memories of the directory of power-holding families, one of the few true Purebloods left, but not a very significant family (in terms of money). Still, Horace Slughorn seemed to be a rather clever man, as, from Abraxas' continued descriptions of his infamous "Slug Club", he had cultivated plenty of connections without ever stepping into the limelight himself.
There was no important person in the wizarding world whose pockets didn't have Horace Slughorn's hands in them somehow.
Now there was a Slytherin.
Quite unfortunately, he has little political clout. He uses his influence to get old students jobs and Christmas gifts.
"You and Edmond Lestrange seem to be getting along quite well," Malfoy commented loftily, interrupting his argument with Jerry.
Tom shot a glance at Lestrange, who was glaring at him. Probably because Malfoy, current alpha dog/snake/whatever of Slytherin was showing him, some "insignificant" half-blood, more attention than him. Self-entitlement. Tom sniffed. Some things just never changed.
"Well, of course," Tom said sweetly, but also loudly enough for everyone else at the Slytherin table to hear. "We both agreed that it would be in the best interests of his reputation as the son of a noble Pureblood family to behave like a civilized human being." At this, Lestrange bristled, and returned sullenly to his meal.
"Oh?" Malfoy asked, arching an eyebrow gracefully. He seemed quite impressed, but in a rather amused way. Mainly because Tom was still young, and his attempt at manipulation was quite obvious – to Malfoy, anyway. Lestrange might one day catch up, as he matured. For now, that little statement was enough.
"I like him," another young man said, also tall, slim, and refined, but dark-haired. "Orion Black, fifth-year Slytherin Prefect, at your service." Tom repressed a snort – like any of these guys were at anyone's service other than their own. "Also, my brothers, Cygnus and Alphard, and my cousin Dorea."
"The Blacks are quite a prolific family," Abraxas Malfoy put in. "Why, I can name five other cousins of his already graduated from Hogwarts, and they are all named after constellations and stars. A noble destiny, to dream of unreachable things."
"Of course, Malfoy," Orion (and here Tom had to start referring to them by first name or he'd never sort them all out) sneered. "I must say, the Malfoy family is a very noble one, too, though not so great in numbers."
Malfoy gave a little smile. "That is not to say our influence does not rival that of the Blacks…we simply concentrate it a little more. We prefer quality to quantity."
"Putting all your eggs in one basket, hmmm?" Orion asked. "What happens when you end up with neither?"
"Or dividing up the land every generation; whatever works," Malfoy retorted.
Tom pretended that the entire little spat was going way over his head, but on the inside, he and Jerry were cheering. Yes, yes, yes! The two most powerful families in Britain and they're going at each other like dogs and cats! Fight, my beauties; fight!
And meanwhile, just keep playing them against each other…
…I can imagine it now – Confund Lestrange or whomever to tell Orion that he heard Abraxas say that the Blacks were just as bad as the Weasleys, and then watch the chaos unfold…
And then insert myself in the middle, so they both try to use me against each other, and all the while, I'm stealing the spoils of war from the casualties? Tom quoted drily.
You know me too well.
But what are we going to do about Professor Dumbledore? We got Sorted into Slytherin. Is that bad…?
Not TOO bad – at least, not now. Slytherin House doesn't have a terrible reputation yet – currently we're just the house of future politicians and whatnot. Anyway, Dumbledore and Slughorn are old friends, and Slughorn's not evil.
Just…opportunistic?
Look, next time you talk to Dumbledore alone, mention how much you love Hogwarts and how amazing it is, and then drop some bullshit story.
Like…?
The Hat couldn't decide between any of the Houses, and so it asked you what you wanted to do in your future, so it could determine what House would best help you.
And what do I tell him? That I want to be an Evil Overlord or something? You do realize that the Hat, ironically, put us here to "protect" the Ravenclaws and therefore throw a wrench into our plans? Now it'll be harder to access the Gryffindors…
Improvising, Tom. Improvising. Minerva won't forget that you defended her from Lestrange, and a great deal of influential families in Gryffindor are also members of the Slug Club, Jerry reassured him. And actually, being in Slytherin helps us because we're closer to the top 10% of the Wizarding World, if you know what I mean.
But being evil…?
Slytherin House's reputation isn't too bad yet. It was mostly the fact that they supported Hitler – well, Wizard Hitler – and then lost…but Wizard Hitler isn't around yet so for now they're all just opportunistic kids that will become successful in the Ministry 75% of the time.
Wizard Hitler…? You know what? Never mind. You'll probably say "futuristic reference" again. But still. What do we tell Professor Dumbledore? You said that he was smarter than most. Will he distrust us because of this? Because if he's an enemy, that might be a problem…
Don't sweat it. He's also an open-minded man who loves giving second chances. You already made a good first impression on him. Back to what I was saying before: your dream for the future was to end poverty and war.
Isn't that a Hufflepuff or Gryffindor thing?
Tom, how realistic is that goal?
Not very. It's impossible. People will always be fighting.
Exactly.
I don't see it.
What an ambitious goal, hmmm?
It's a stupid goal.
A Hufflepuff would say, "I want to help others," not "I want to end ALL poverty and war." It just isn't done. Something as large-scale as that requires ambition and planning. You can alleviate poverty in a soup kitchen, but it takes those men in the ivory towers to make any real difference.
Will Dumbledore really see that?
Oh, trust me, he will. And he'll see it even better if you pretend you still don't understand why you're a Slytherin, and simply accepted its decision. People are good at rationalizing things that they expect to see.
You really think we've fooled him? From the way you always go on about him, he sounds like a scarily competent thinker.
Well, if we haven't, then there's no point trying to change his mind.
And then what do we do? Off him?
Meh, he's old. We'll wait for him to die.
And how long will that take?
Well, if he's still not dead by the time we come back from our post-graduation magical world tour, we'll just persuade his heart to quit on him with a lot of fried chicken.
You're horrible.
Says the kid who likes torturing bunnies.
I've never tortured a rabbit!
If I gave you one, and no one was watching, would you?
…
That's what I thought.
I hate you, Jerry.
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