You become better only with struggles and hardships. Nothing comes easy..
My final exams of school are over. I am a week distant from Princeton. My results were out. I passed the university entrance test and also got a scholarship to study at Princeton. Finally I was starting to believe that my life is on its actual track and purpose. The dream I saw is finally coming tuning in to reality.
"With only a week left how are you gonna prepare for university? Packing is not done, you still have shopping to do and there's so much pending work too!!", mom said while putting on a coat as she was leaving for the bakery.
"Mom its the 100th time you're telling me this.", I said.
"And yet you are not moving from that Laptop screen a bit! You know you have to buy new clothes. Why aren't you like other girls?, mom said with agitation.
I was on my laptop from last two days reading about Princeton. Going through my syllabus and about the faculties that would be teaching me. That's why mom was angry.
"I already have plenty of t-shirts and shorts. Why should I go and buy new ones?", I asked.
"Because you are stupid. You are going into the top three universities of literature and there will be so many brilliant students like you there and you have to make your first impression.", Mom said bluntly.
"Okay Okay don't get hyper. I'll go with Lilly today and shop for myself. Don't worry about my packing, its almost done.", I calmed my mom down.
Mom has always been like this. She sees herself in me. Things which she was not able to do, dreams of her which weren't turned to reality, she wishes to experience all that through me. That's why I always want to prove myself the best daughter and to never let her down.
...AT THE MALL.....
"You have not bought a single color except for beige, brown and white. What are you even? A dog?", Lilly complained.
"You know I like muted tones on me.", I replied.
"But that's what you need to change. Remember on this birthday you wore red and how sexy you looked. Paul was definitely awestruck.", Lilly said.
My mind immediately went to flashback. And I remembered him again. Arghhh!! Why this girl has to bring up that damn night every now and then?
"Lets buy you some florals and bright colors.", Lilly said and took me to a store.
We bought a couple of dresses FORCEFULLY. But it was so fun. I was happy to be with my best friend but sad at the same time because now we would not be able to hang out like this. Lilly has always wanted to open her Designer Boutique. She also is homesick and will study designing from a local university. I like that she is after her passion. She does not compete and has her plans sorted. She wishes to be an Entrepreneur.
"Thanks Lilly! You are always there for me. What will I do without you!", I said teary eyed.
"You will do good. And we are in 21st century. We have mobile phones and laptops to reach each other. There will not be a single day without us talking. Right?", Lilly comforted me.
"What about your warm hugs? What if I need them some day?, I said.
"Forget about my hugs now and think about the dreamy hugs you're gonna get from your lover at Princeton.", Lilly said teasingly.
My mind without my permission went straight to Chris. The moment when I was held in his arms. But the moment and the person are both a memory and nothing else. I don't have to do anything with this now.
"What are you saying Lilly? I already have Paul.", I replied sternly.
"I was talking about Paul only. Whom did you think about? Ha.. Ha.. tell me..", Lilly started teasing me.
"You are an evil person you know.", I said and we both burst into laughter.
....DEPARTURE DAY.....
I am nervous. I am happy. I am emotional. I have this feeling of mixed emotions going on. This was the first time in my life when I was going to live alone without my mother. Having a traumatic childhood and no one beside me except for mom I have always been dependent on her. But now is the time to push my limits. Now is the time to let go of past and embrace the future.
"Ash! Paul's here to drop you to the airport. Come down fast. You don't want to be late today!", Mom called me.
I looked myself at the mirror and said, "Alright Ash, its time now! Dear room I love you and I'm gonna miss you a lot." I took a final look around my room and wiped my tears. I closed the door and went downstairs.
"Hey Paul! Thanks for dropping me to the airport.", I said.
I don't know why but I'm always very formal around Paul.
"Of course I had to come to drop you. Boyfriend duties!!", he said.
He put my luggage and the four of us left for the airport. Mom, me, Paul & Lilly.
While in the car I was taking a final look at the streets, the shops of my city. I know that its not like I'm never coming back but still. I am an emotional person and all things connect with me.
We reached airport in time and now was the hardest part. The GOODBYES!!
Mom & Lilly were already crying. Paul seemed emotional too but held his tears. I too controlled my emotions.
"Way to go my baby!! I'm so proud of you. Live your best life at Princeton and please take good care of yourself.", mom said emotionally.
I hugged mom tightly and replied, "Mom, I'm always there for you no matter how far I am. You have to take care of yourself and no need to be worried about me. I'll do well and make you even more proud."
"Ash I'll miss you! Come soon.", Lilly said.
"I'll miss you too", I hugged Lilly.
"Good luck Ash!! Remember I'm just one call away if you face any problem.", Paul said.
He hugged me and kissed my forehead.
I boarded the plane and it was the start of my new life.