I looked at stars and wondered, how much pain it is to shine everyday, sometimes without being noticed. For me that star was Paul.....
"Hey, what are you doing here all alone?
Lily asked me, let's go back. Everyone's waiting for dinner.", She said.
We returned back to our table.
There was Paul, and just when I looked at him, I felt a sense of guilt in my heart.
I don't know why.
"I have another surprise for you!", Paul said in his soft voice,
I got shook again, thinking, what was he doing now?
He asked me to close my eyes.
I closed my eyes and felt his hand on my neck, and immediately my thought went to that guy I just met who had also placed his hand on my neck.
"Happy Birthday Ash, this pendant will always remind you of me and of the love that I have for you.", he whispered in my ears.
I was blank.
I didn't know how to respond. It was all so much for me. I was confused.
Just a brief meet with someone.
How can it completely blow your mind away?
I touched the pendant and saw a beautiful silver pendant with two hearts with the letters of our initials, A and P. A peace in my heart broke. I felt I didn't deserve the love that Paul was giving me.
"Thank you, Paul, you have done so much for me. This truly means a lot. Thank you."
This is all I could say to him.
We all had our dinner and returned back home.
Throughout our journey Paul was holding my hand while driving his car. A second hand car that he bought a year back only with the intention to take me on drives and so that all of us could manage in a single vehicle. All his years' savings were exhausted in buying this car.
I was lost in my thoughts, and he kept looking at me, when finally he asked, "What happened Ash?, What are you thinking? Are you not happy?"
My heart sank hearing his words.
"No, nothing, Paul, I am just overwhelmed by the love that you have showered on me today.
I am just in disbelief that, how can someone love someone so much. Thank you so much for today, Paul, I'll forever remember my 18th birthday.", I assured him.
In my mind, I already knew who was the reason I'm gonna remember my 18th birthday.
We reached home and we had already dropped Lilly at her home. My mom went inside so as to give me and Paul a private moment. She looked so happy and proud of him. I could see it in her eyes.
Paul took my hands and caressed them gently. I could see he wanted to listen something from me but I was just not over from that moment.
"I hope your 18th was special. Please stay with me always and know that I'm always there for you too!!", Paul said lovingly.
His words cut through my heart leaving me in pain.
What are you Ashtine?
How are you so selfish?
How could you do this to the guy who since the beginning has always loved you and only you?
That guy you are thinking about is no one. Just a moment it was and you don't even know if you'll ever see him again and for that guy you are hurting Paul!!
STUPID!!
I came back to my senses took a deep breath and said to Paul,
"You mean the world to me Paul. Today was the best day of my life. I love you!!"
He smiled and then leaned towards me. First he kissed my forehead. I could feel his breath and the warmth he had. He then kissed my cheek while his hands went down my waist. I only knew that I was just there, present. He then approached my lips and we KISSED.
...THE NIGHT I COULDN'T SLEEP.....
After the moment I shared with Paul my mind was all a mess. I was happy but at the same time sad too. Is it possible even?
Whole night I kept switching positions, reading a book and then again trying to sleep but no success. I was not able to sleep. Everything that happened kept repeating in my mind without any break. Finally I found something that had always given me comfort. My Diary.
I wrote down everything I was feeling and thankfully it released some weight off my heart. Lilly is my best friend and I should tell and share everything with her but still there were matters which I found difficult to discuss with anyone and so I wrote them in my diary. No one knew about it.
IT WAS MY ONLY SECRET!!