If there was one thing Ratna currently wished for in her life, it was to be able to speak and look into Rey's eyes, her heart's desire. Every day she hoped the encounter in the canteen would repeat itself in a different and closer version. But that time seemed far from her hopes; the Rey she waited for was nowhere in sight, not even a shadow. It left her heart feeling empty.
That afternoon, as usual, Ratna was sitting alone in a corner of the canteen, eating her favorite meal of rice, egg, soy sauce, and scallions. She was so engrossed in her book and enjoying her food that she didn't realize someone had approached her. It was only when she felt a shadow next to her and smelled a soft soap fragrance that she looked up.
"You look so absorbed in your book," the voice was light, followed by a small laugh. The voice she missed so much. Rey sat down next to her, took a sip of Yakult, then offered a new bottle to Ratna. His face was handsome, made even more so by his outer jacket.
Ratna was startled, almost dropping her spoon. She could hardly believe that what she dreamed of was right next to her. Although, in her mind, she wondered why Rey was suddenly beside her. What was the matter?
Her chest pounded, her cheeks flushed. A mix of joy, embarrassment, and confusion surged all at once.
"Thank you..." her voice was barely a whisper as she accepted the Yakult.
"What book is it? Why are you always studying? Hmm, I'm not as diligent as you," Rey said with a little laugh.
The sound felt melodious in Ratna's ears.
Ratna still couldn't believe it—a guy as handsome as Rey was actually talking to her. Rey looked at her, a smile never leaving his face. Ratna could only remain silent, her body seemingly frozen. Rey finally stood up to throw away the Yakult bottle, and Ratna regretted why she couldn't say anything.
But shortly after, Rey sat back down next to her. "How can you stand sitting here alone?" he asked again, softly.
Ratna looked at Rey with hesitation. His thick eyebrows were neat, his nose pointed, his lips pink—too perfect for the same world as her.
"Ratna..." Rey whispered softly, as if stifling a small laugh at her naivety.
Ratna became even more flustered.
From a distance, other friends were whispering. Harold, who had secretly started to pay attention to Ratna, felt annoyed seeing Rey approach her. Jealousy and anger combined, but he tried to hide his resentment, deliberately laughing loudly. "He really has no taste. Rey is such an idiot." Harold's laugh echoed in the background.
Rey pretended not to hear, but Ratna could sense it. His smile faded slightly. There was a sting in her chest.
"Okay," Rey finally said, "maybe you don't want to talk right now. That's fine... maybe next time." He stood up, ready to leave.
"Why?" Ratna stammered, trying to quickly vomit out what was in her head. Her heart and brain were completely in chaos, so difficult to negotiate with. Rey frowned, as if her question was too simple to answer.
"Why? What?" Rey asked, turning back.
"Why did you give me a drink?" Ratna asked, bracing herself to string words together. Her eyes looked at Rey hesitantly, but there was a strong desire to really know. She hoped Rey would say that he liked her, and also to prove to the people around her, especially Harold who always insulted her, that she was worthy of being loved.
"Why? Why did I give you a drink?" Rey repeated, confused.
Ratna nodded, her eyes meeting Rey's fearfully, afraid of saying the wrong thing, but she didn't want to repeat her foolishness from the other day. This time, she wanted to talk more with Rey; Ratna really liked Rey.
Rey rubbed his forehead, looking down slightly.
"Pity," he mumbled unconsciously.
And that word—pity—fell like a stone in Ratna's heart.
Suddenly Ratna was taken aback. "Pity? Why do you pity me?!" she said faintly. For some reason, hearing the word pity made Ratna disappointed and sad. Why did Rey have to pity her, she wondered internally. Was she so worthless that she needed pity?
Rey sensed something was wrong. "Friendship," he blurted out quickly, but also slightly nervously.
"Why do you pity me?" Ratna whispered, confused and sad. "Sorry, I don't need pity. You just worry about yourself. I'm fine, I... I don't need anyone's pity."
"I'm sorry, Ratna. If I offended you. I... I didn't mean anything by it... I... I just want to be friends with you, period, that's all," Rey answered quickly, his always-smiling face suddenly pale.
Silence fell between them. Ratna bit her lip, looking at the table. Rey finally extended his hand—big, warm, slightly trembling.
"Again, I'm sorry, Ratna."
Ratna looked at the hand for a long time before finally shaking it slowly.
"It's okay..." she said, although her voice trembled.
"Okay, I have to go," Rey said slowly.
He turned, leaving Ratna with mixed feelings—regret, confusion, and something she hadn't managed to say.
Ratna watched Rey's back retreat. Her heart was still pounding, but now enveloped in pain. She wasn't angry because Rey didn't like her. She was angry because Rey only felt pity.
In the distance, Harold looked at Ratna, a mix of compassion and joy in his chest. He was happy to catch the moment Ratna and Rey's relationship had a problem. There was a thin smile on his lips.
🌙 Next Chapter — "What Rey Couldn't Explain"Rey couldn't sleep that night. The light in his room was off, but his mind didn't follow the darkness. Every time he closed his eyes, Ratna's image appeared—sitting in the corner of the canteen, her face looking down, her voice faint when she said:
"I don't need pity..."
The sentence spun in Rey's head, piercing deeper than any punch he had ever received. He took a deep breath, then ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
"Stupid," he muttered. "Why did I say pity, anyway..."
He didn't mean it like that. He just wanted to get closer—in any way he could. But now, the girl probably thought he came out of sympathy, not because of... something that even Rey himself hadn't dared to name.
He looked out the window. The night sky was clear; there was a soft moonlight penetrating the curtains. Rey smiled wryly.
"Pity..." he repeated the word softly, then shook his head.
"No. I just... wanted to be near her."
All he thought about was Ratna—the look in her eyes, her trembling voice, and how his own heart pounded when the girl looked straight at him.
For the first time, Rey felt something he couldn't explain.
Not pity.
Not sympathy.
Not just curiosity.
But something that made him want to apologize tomorrow morning. And perhaps, start everything over—the right way.