Deep inside a dim stone chamber, Shimura Danzō slowly unwrapped the bandages around his forehead. His right eye opened with a faint tremor. Within the hollow of his socket gleamed a crimson Sharingan, its three tomoe rotating like cold, black stars.
The vision in that stolen eye was worsening faster than he predicted. If he didn't secure a replacement before it failed entirely, he would soon be blind on the right side.A regrettable situation—because during the war, despite Uchiha casualties, none of the corpses ever fell into his hands.
Danzō's gaze slid toward the masked Root operatives kneeling below.
"Report the Uchiha's movements."
"Yes, Danzō-sama."A member stepped forward, kneeling."Most Uchiha jōnin remain inside the village. No signs of leaving. Three chūnin are out on a B-rank, and seven genin teams left for C-rank missions.Uchiha Tobika left the village this morning on a D-rank."
Danzō's eye narrowed.
Uchiha Tobika.
He considered the name for a moment before asking, "And the two incompetents who caused trouble last time?"
"At home, recovering from injuries."
"Send someone skilled in interrogation to pay them a visit. And tell them Tobika can wait until they're fully healed. I want them here afterward."
"Yes!"
When the masked operative vanished, Danzō began rewrapping his head.Uchiha jōnin varied in talent, but compared to other clans, even an average Uchiha was difficult to kill. Defeating one wasn't impossible with numbers. Killing one was far harder.
And killing one who could use medical ninjutsu on themselves… even worse.
He clicked his tongue.He had intended to "test" Tobika last time—only to achieve nothing while burning through medical expenses.More painful than treating Hiruzen to dinner.
Somewhere in the forest, Uchiha Tobika sneezed hard.
He rubbed his nose and glanced at Uzuki Yugao, who was nearly buried in cats clinging to her armor.
"…Feels like someone's cursing me," he muttered. "I'll visit that Root grunt tonight. A man should really understand his enemies' grudges.Tomorrow I'm lecturing the clan brats on the 'Fire Will.'Day after that? Missions.Then the temporary clan meeting…Life's too busy."
Yugao lifted the kitten resting on her head and blinked up at him."Sensei, what were you mumbling?"
"Nothing. Just realized why I've got no girlfriend."
"Why?"
"My schedule's too full. No free days. No time for romance. No suitable candidates."
"…Sensei doesn't like anyone?"
Tobika stopped walking.He stared at her for a long moment before sighing.
"The woman I want doesn't exist."
"Huh?"
"Look."He raised a hand and started counting."I like Tsunade's figure. Kushina's hair. Mikoto's gentleness. Inuzuka Tsume's wild charm. Kurenai's red eyes. White eyes are also fine.Plus Nara-level brains, Akimichi-level appetite, and Yamanaka-level variety—"
"Wait!" Yugao took a step back, staring as if he'd grown horns."Sensei… you only like pieces of people. That's what a pervert says!"
"You don't get it. I'm single because the perfect woman doesn't exist."He shrugged."You know Hatake Kakashi?"
"Of course! Why doesn't he have a girlfriend?"
Tobika looked around dramatically, then leaned in.
"I saw Kakashi grab Might Guy's pants the other day and say, 'Guy, for a man this strong… why is that shaped like an acorn?'He looked so disappointed.Naturally, I suspect Kakashi wants—"
"Stop!"
Yugao clutched her head, face as red as a beet."You ruined Kakashi-senpai for me!"
"That's nothing." Tobika snorted. "Your beloved Third Hokage peeks at widows bathing.And Jiraiya stands on toads spying on bathhouses.Last time he came home, he proudly said years of 'research material' were overflowing in his mind.Said the next volume of Icha Icha is almost ready.When it releases, I'll get you a copy—"
A cat flew at his face.
Tobika raised his hands like a referee."Don't throw cats! They shed—makes returning them harder."
"I don't care," Yugao snapped. "You shattered my worldview!"
"You're just lacking love and Fire Will. I can patch that."
"No!"
Another cat flew.
By the time Iruka returned, Tobika was covered in cat fur and surrounded by half-bald felines.
Iruka pointed at one particularly pathetic, hairless creature."Sensei… you catch cats this violently?"
"Violently?" Tobika sighed, then accepted Iruka's folder. "Give me the intel."
After reviewing it, he handed the papers to Hyūga Hana.
"Hana. Treat this like a covert operation. Anyone who looks at us too long, follows us, whispers nearby—you report to me quietly."
"Yes."She activated her Byakugan immediately.
Tobika nodded.At least one student is useful.
Eventually they reached a small dye shop.Hana stared as Tobika held a kitten and the information sheets out to the owner.
"Dye them," Tobika said. "Match these descriptions."
"…Sensei," Hana whispered, tugging his sleeve."This is deception."
Tobika blinked."You want an example? Iruka, imagine you marry someone. One day your wife disappears. You panic and post a mission—only to learn she just left home because she was bored.Then someone brings you a new wife.This wife cuddles, listens, doesn't run, treats you like a god, and stays loyal for canned food.Would you refuse?"
Iruka actually thought about it.
Hana punched him.
"Sensei," she growled. "Cats aren't people."
"Really?" Tobika took out his cat-eared headband and placed it on her head.He lifted a sly-looking tabby."Ten cans," he whispered to it.
The cat's eyes lit up like twin suns.It dragged Hana into a corner and poured out a tragic sob story about its bedridden parents and cruel street life.
By the time it finished, Hana's expression was complicated.
Returning cats to their original families suddenly felt… unethical.
One by one, villagers accepted their "returned pets."
"My cat is fatter."
"Took extra cans to coax it out."
"My black cat's missing fur!"
"Fought off several wild cats. Very brave."
"My white cat is so clingy now!"
"It learned the value of home."
Hana snorted.The lies were outrageous—yet believable.And the villagers never even questioned whether the cats were theirs.
Iruka jogged up again, holding his feline like a baby."Sensei… are we really learning anything this way?"
"Of course." Tobika's smile faded. He looked at the three of them coolly."D-rank cat missions test observation, intel-gathering, hand skills, and teamwork.You and Hana handled intel well."
Yugao lifted her head."And because we're doing something risky, we must monitor the expressions of every passerby. If someone suspects us, we could be reported.Just like real missions—we must stay vigilant."
Iruka raised a hand."So… hand skills? Teamwork?"
Tobika pinched the bridge of his nose."It's a D-rank. What hand skills?Next time, we'll do garbage collection. That requires hands."Then he gestured at their earlier formation."And that sneaky four-person lineup? That was teamwork.Hana on lookout.You two monitoring crowds.Me returning the cats.Perfect coordination. Before I had students, I had to do this alone with shadow clones. Pain in the neck."
The three genin looked at him as if he were an existential threat.
This is what teaching is?
Tobika lifted his cloak.
"There isn't a better teacher in Konoha.You're just difficult students."
He froze.
Someone was watching him.Maliciously.
He scanned the area.
Then his eyes landed on Hana.
"…Hana. Were you using Byakugan to stare at me?"
Her face flushed red.
She waved her hands frantically.
"N-no!"
She absolutely had.
Just not right then.