Black Zetsu was Kaguya's will.White Zetsu was Kaguya's creation.But their combination… that was Madara Uchiha's handiwork.
And Madara's thinking had long departed the realm of normal men.
Today's evidence:White Zetsu had spent half a day peeping on Uchiha clan meetings and now presented a "transcript" to a man who was hardly breathing anymore.
A withered elder in a grey cloak… yet still unmistakably Uchiha Madara.
White Zetsu waved the slip of paper in front of the unmoving old man.
"Madara-sama? Madara-sama?"
Was he… dead?
White Zetsu tilted its head, already considering whether it should poop on Madara's head before Black Zetsu got back.It wasn't easy to poop, but if he really focused—
"Cough… cough…"
The weak rasp stopped all thoughts of defilement.
Madara's eyes opened slowly.Zetsu immediately shoved the transcript into his hand.
"Madara-sama, this contains news about you and Lord Izuna. Eavesdropped yesterday from the Uchiha meeting."
"Izuna…?"
Madara's eyelids twitched, and he snatched the paper, reading silently.
Kneeling for scraps?Appeasing Senju?Fabricating excuses?
He reread it twice.As the man who lived it, he was aware Izuna had never uttered these words.He himself had never said any of this.
But after a long, thoughtful silence…
"…Not entirely wrong," he muttered.
He put the paper aside.
"How are the Uchiha now?"
White Zetsu shrugged."Pretty good. Fourth Hokage Namikaze Minato doesn't seem biased against them."
Madara nodded and closed his eyes again.
Good or bad, he would still wish his clan well.Even after they "removed" him from the clan registry long ago.
Izuna had entrusted the clan's future to him with his dying breath.Even in exile, Madara still held that weight.
"Peace… isn't far," he murmured."Hope I see Izuna again… on the other side."
Meanwhile, Tobika wandered down the road like a depressed corpse.
Teaching tree-walking should not have been this hard.
"It's literally walking up a tree," he complained, glancing at the orange cat on his shoulder. "You're smarter than they are. Practice your Transformation Jutsu more. Today's result was… unacceptable."
The cat yawned.
"You said fat is beautiful."
Tobika's face flushed red.
"I meant fat like Tsunade—not fat like the entire Akimichi clan! How do you confuse the two?!"
"Fine, fine. Tomorrow I'll transform into Tsunade."
Tobika froze.
In his mind, a cat-eared Tsunade appeared.Whiskers twitching.A tail swishing behind her.Licking her paw in the middle of a medical briefing.
Nightmare fuel.
"No," he whispered. "If you must practice, use Kushina. After seeing her son, I can mentally handle whiskers on her face."
He slid open his front gate—
—stopped—
—and closed it again.
"…Wrong house," he muttered to himself.
He leaned back against the door, exhaling sharply.
"Five pregnant women. In my courtyard. Talking casually. Did Mikoto move next door? Did they really sell their house so fast just to buy a disciple slot from Tsunade? That's… fast."
He circled the street, came back to his own home again, inhaled deeply, and pushed the door open a second time.
"This is my house," he announced.
The five pregnant women nodded.
"We know."
"You're standing in my yard."
"Mikoto brought us."
Tobika looked at Uchiha Mikoto's stomach—rounder than yesterday—and felt a deep, instinctive dread.
Was Sasuke really growing that fast?Was childbirth in the Uchiha clan… accelerated?
A thought flickered in his mind.
If he improved Kushina's prenatal health… could she carry a few extra months?
He banished it quickly.
Inside, the five clan matriarchs—Nara Yoshino, Yamanaka Kae, Akimichi Ayame, Inuzuka Ranko, and Uchiha Mikoto—settled on the sofa.Tobika stared at them. It wasn't a group he'd ever imagined being summoned by.
"Five clan leaders' wives visiting me… what's the occasion?If it's medical care, go to Lady Tsunade. She actually gets paid for that."
"Not medical," Mikoto said gently. "Lady Yoshino wanted to meet you."
Yoshino looked him over—tall, sharp-eyed, lean, muscular, with the aura of a man perpetually exhausted from carrying the clan's collective insanity.
He was handsome, but more importantly, he radiated that specific Uchiha flavor of unmedicated mental instability.
Rumor said he was a powerful medic-nin.
Rumor also said he was… strange.
The rumors, Yoshino realized, were right.
She placed a sealed envelope on the table.
"Uchiha Tobika," she said softly, narrowing her eyes."I've heard you are Konoha's best detective?"
Tobika blinked.
"…Who lied to you like that?"