*Bang*
"Hah!"
My eyes shot open, my body jerking upright in my bed as if I'd been struck. W-what was that?! I frantically searched the room, gasping for air that felt too thin. But no matter where I looked, nothing was out of place. The shadows were still, the curtains unmoved. Maybe it was just a dream?
That was what I thought until I heard a muffled, yet soft "welcome home" from downstairs. Mom's voice—that same angelic, yet eerie tone that never changed.
Welcome home? Who?
I reached for my phone and squinted at the screen. It was 4:00 p.m. That was the time Big Brother and I usually got home from school. So, Big Brother just got home… Before my mind could even process the exhaustion, my body acted on its own, jumping out of bed.
*pain*
The moment I set foot on the ground, a sharp spike pierced my head. I stumbled, my steps halting for just a moment before I forced myself toward the door at a shaky, slower pace.
The sound of my pounding heartbeat flooded my ears, thudding against my eardrums the closer I got. No! I can't back away now! If I don't do at least this much, then what can I do?! I dug my nails into the palm of my hands and kept going.
After what felt like an eternity, I finally made it to the door. I extended a shaky hand towards the doorknob, and fastened my grip until the cold metal bit into my skin. I let out a deep, shaky breath. E-everything's going to be fine. I just need to thank him properly and talk like we usually do. What's the worst that could happen? With that fragile hope, I swung the door open.
For the first few seconds, all I could see was pitch black. It felt like the hallway had become an empty void, my fevered eyes unable to find anything. I thought I was still dreaming, but then my eyes gradually began to adjust. It was only then that I saw a figure dragging itself closer to me.
Is that… Big Brother?
*pain*
This… thing—it looked just like he did, but I could hardly even recognize its shape. The way his feet dragged with every step, the way he moved with a hollow heaviness—and most of all, his eyes. They looked like they were part of the darkness itself, devoid of any light. This was nothing like the Big Brother I knew.
Something's… wrong. Something is seriously, horribly wrong with him right now!
*pain*
A dull ache throbbed in my head, causing my mind to lag a bit. But in that one moment of weakness, my mouth opened on its own, uttering the words I've longed—yet avoided—saying for all these years.
"Are… you okay?"
Big Brother froze in place. The silence that followed was heavy, pressing against my lungs until I couldn't breathe. It was only then that I realized what I had done. My hands shot towards my mouth, slapping it closed—but it was already too late.
*Pain*
I watched him warily as a feeling of dread began to coil in my gut. Big Brother slowly tilted his head up and made eye contact with me for the first time today. In that same instant, the darkness in his eyes vanished, retreating into the depths. In its place came the familiar cold, detached eyes.
"Yo, lil sis. I didn't see you there. Are you feeling better now?"
He spoke as if nothing had just happened. As if he hadn't just been a ghost haunting the hallway. My fever began to burn my head, clouding my judgment.
Ah… he's doing it—again.
Maybe that would've worked in the past, but I was older now. Yet… he still treats me like a kid.
*Pain*
My hands fell limply to my sides. The dread in my stomach flared up, turning into a hot, swirling rage. He's… always doing this! A wave of lightheadedness washed over me, blurring the edges of my vision.
Does he not trust me?! I just want to help him! Why can't he ever talk to me? Does he not love me anymore?! What is he hiding?
I don't know! I don't KNOW! I DON'T KNOW!
I just want my Big Brother back…
I dug my nails into my thigh, the sharp sting bringing a moment of clarity. Everything stopped. Nothing but a heavy, frozen stillness remained.
*Pain*
My entire being converged into one point—my mouth. I knew I shouldn't, I've known for the longest time. But I was sick of pretending. I was sick of acting like everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. Enough lies. I opened my mouth and finally allowed everything I've been holding back to erupt.
"You… how long are you going to keep doing that? Do you think I'm the same stupid little kid?!"
I took a step forward, the floor swaying under my feet, and swung my hand in the air as if to expose his true self.
"You think I haven't noticed all this time?! Well, sadly—I HAVE NOTICED! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?! WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO ME?!"
Mom should've still been downstairs, but she could hear everything for all I care. Mom has nothing to do with this. There was only one thing that mattered to me right now.
My voice cracked, raw and desperate. "I'VE BEEN HOLDING BACK FOR SO LONG, THINKING YOU'D COME TO ME ON YOUR OWN—BUT YOU HAVEN'T! I CAN…" I paused, tears welling up in the corner of my eyes. "I can hardly even recognize you anymore…"
*Pain*
By the time I finished, I was gasping for air. I staggered, struggling to regain my footing until I found a nearby wall and leaned against it for dear life. I tried to refocus my blurry vision. I turned my gaze towards Big Brother, and when I did, my heart dropped to my stomach.
*Pain*
For the first time in years, the detached and aloof expression that Big Brother always wore was gone. Instead, I saw a look that terrified me because of how real it was. In all these years, he's never shown me a face like this.
Deep creases formed on his forehead, a dark, heavy frown crossed his lips, and his eyes—they weren't lightless anymore. They burned with a raw, agonizing intensity that even Father and Mother couldn't compare to.