*PAIN*
My whole body froze the moment I heard those words. Wh-what did he just call me? I looked towards him with trembling eyes, hoping that I'd just misheard him. But it was at that moment that I realized everything was very real.
The pure raw darkness that he had once nestled inside him once again enveloped his eyes, making them indistinguishable from the gloom of the hallway.
"B-Big Bro–"
Before the words could even fully leave my mouth, my Big Brother walked right past me and into his room, slamming the door behind him.
Wh-what just happened… I continued to stare at the spot where my Big Brother once stood. But no matter how long I looked, the door remained shut. The silence was worse than the screaming.
N-no…
The darkness of the hallway seemed to expand until all I could see was black. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift into the void.
When I opened them again, I found myself sitting in the corner of my room, opposite from the wall separating my room from Big Brother's. I rested my head on my knees and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold my shattered pieces together.
*PAIN*
Did I just… ruin us? Is this… all my fault? I grabbed my hair with both hands and began pulling. I heard strands of my hair rip out of my scalp, the sharp stings flooding my mind—but it didn't compare to the vast emptiness gaping in my heart. Tears began to well in my eyes.
Am I… crying? A hollow laugh echoed in the room. What do I have to cry for? This is all my fault. I don't deserve to cry. The tears dried up as quickly as they came.
I shouldn't have asked.
I should've kept pretending.
I ruined everything.
Those thoughts continued to swirl through my mind until the next morning came.
***
The sound of the birds chirping fell flat in my ears. A subtle sense of warmth grazed my arm, causing me to lift my head from my knees. A blinding light pierced my eyes, burning them—but I never squinted.
After a few seconds, I adjusted. It was the sun peering through my curtains. Ah… It's already morning. That was quick.
I got up from the corner of my room and began my morning. Everything passed by in a blur. By the time I realized it, I had already brushed my teeth, put on my uniform, and done my hair and makeup for the day. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, but the girl looking back was someone I didn't know—a doll painted to look like Lily.
Without dwelling on it, I made my way downstairs. The first person who went to greet me was, as usual, my Dad. The moment he saw me, a bright smile beamed on his face. He took a couple of steps towards me before stopping, his smile becoming slightly strained.
"My lovely daughter, is everything okay?" he asked carefully.
His words didn't fully register in my mind, but I knew that he was addressing me. I absentmindedly nodded and gave him the best smile I could—a graceful, angelic curve of the lips.
"Yeah, everything is fine, Dad. I just didn't get enough sleep last night."
Dad's mouth hung open as if he were about to say something else, but he instead gave a weary sigh and sat back at the dining table. He looked at me with a flicker of restlessness, as if he recognized the hollow look in my eyes.
*Pain*
Oh yeah, I'm still sick. I walked over to the counter, grabbed the medication I needed, and swallowed it down without a cup of water. I let the bitter pills scrape against my bare throat, welcoming the small, sharp pain. It was the only thing that felt real.
With nothing else left to do, I made my way to the front door, put on my shoes, and opened it. Before I could step outside, a soft and gentle voice brushed against my ears.
"You're not going to wait for your Big Brother? It's dangerous if you go to school on your own."
A pang of raw hurt throbbed in my heart when Mom said that, but that was the only thing that changed about me. Without turning around, I replied coldly—just like he would.
"No, my Brother doesn't have to walk me to school anymore. I'm old enough now, I don't need him."
I couldn't see the expression Mom was making, but the quiet gasp that I heard was all I needed to know.
"But, Lily–"
Without waiting for her to finish, I swung the door open, stepped outside, and closed it shut from behind me. I didn't even spare myself a moment's breath before I began making my way to school.