As had become a tradition for our band, Nick cooked Spaghetti Aglio e Olio at his flat before we packed our stuff to leave. Jim drove an old beat-up van that could just about fit our gear and we set off. The traffic across the city wasn't too bad so we arrived at the venue two hours before the gig, just as we wanted.
The only thing that didn't go according to plan was that our last rehearsal earlier in the day hadn't gone very well as I was still sort of… 'out of it' as Nick and Jim pointed out multiple times over the past few days.
Why was I this bothered?
I formed and have been playing in this band for close to two years now and we'd had countless gigs. It wasn't the first time that Monika missed our performance. The girl was busy. She had many friends—places to go to and people to meet.
Yet, today, I wasn't feeling right.
"Hey, Blaire," Timo the club owner gestured for me to come off the stage once our soundcheck was complete.
"What's up?"
"Listen, I don't want you guys to feel too much pressure, but—" he looked around as if to make sure nobody else was listening and continued, "there's a guy from a record label coming to see the performances today."
I flinched a little—this could be our break.
Of course, we weren't the only band playing tonight and we weren't even the headliners. Most likely he was coming to see another band—probably the headliners— or this was just one of his routine visits around different live clubs in the city on Friday nights. Still, we had to take any chance we could possibly get.
"Thanks for letting me know, Timo."
"But say—are you alright?"
He's been running a live club for years. Of course he could tell that I was 'off' during the soundcheck.
"I'm fine."
"Anything bothering you?"
"No, everything's fine."
"Right. Do your best tonight. Who knows where it may lead to?"
Timo looked at a poster on the wall as he said this. It was the poster of The Cockroaches, a punk band that used to play here regularly and got signed last winter. They were doing quite alright on streaming services these days.
"We'll do our best."
I looked over at the stage. Nick had already disappeared somewhere. He tended to get rather nervous before the live shows and liked to cool his head alone. Jim was just getting off the stage after checking his drums again. I waved at him to catch his eye and made a smoking gesture, nodding my head toward the exit.
Jim followed me outside and we lit a cigarette each.
"Hey, don't tell Nick because he's going to get nervous and fuck it up, but Timo just said we are going to have someone from a label come tonight."
I told Jim because he was kind of a guy who thrived under pressure and attention. It gave him extra energy on stage—he was a natural performer.
"Oh, that's great!"
But his excitement quickly changed to a worried look.
"But, damn—Blaire, I hope you will be alright, man."
"Just stop saying that. There's nothing wrong with me."
He gave me a shrug that said 'whatever' and we smoked in silence.
There were three bands before us but I didn't really concentrate on their performance. I just kept on scanning the crowd trying to figure out who the guy from the label might be, but with the mixed crowd this club drew—from late teenagers to people in their early forties—it was impossible to guess.
"Let's get ready now."
Jim turned up behind me and tapped on my shoulder. I simply nodded and followed him to the backstage. Nick was standing there looking pale as usual. He was probably throwing up in the toilet. It wasn't the first time and wouldn't be the last time.
"You've got this, Nick. Don't worry about it."
Jim comforted him and gave him a slap on the back, which earned an appreciative glare.
"And now, the next band is—Blaire and the Paper Cuts!"
Timo announced on the stage, put the microphone on the stand, and came backstage.
"Good luck guys," he gave us a thumbs up as we stepped onto the light.
I don't normally talk much on stage, so I just positioned myself in the center and strummed my guitar once—a final check to make sure things were in tune and I got the right tone dialed in.
Jim gave a count of four and just as I was about to start the first line of our opening song, something held me back. My fingers felt stiff and I felt like my voice wasn't going to come out.
I was choking on the stage.
The crowd stood there, watching, and probably many of them already noticing that this stupid girl on the stage just didn't have what it takes. I looked to my right and there stood Nick, looking even more nervous than before. I turned to see Jim, who looked a little confused, but he gave me a calming nod and counted four with his sticks again.
I tried to sing again but all I could let out was a lame 'Uh…'
Some in the crowd chuckled. If I messed up one more time, this was going to be a disaster. Timo was standing in the corner and looked concerned as well.
Then suddenly, someone from the crowd shouted:
"Blaire! You rock!"
What the fuck…?
I spotted a short girl who was jumping and waving to catch my attention, and unmistakably, it was Monika.
And there was no Adrian in sight.
I turned to see Jim again and he gave me a smirk and a wink.
You fucking bastard…
But I didn't quite hate it. He'd probably called Monika to come over when he learned that this performance was going to be important and I needed all the support I could get.
Yeah… I might not have 'what it takes,' but I have friends.
I went over to Nick and told him.
"Change of plan, Nick. We're going to play Come Closer."
"Wha—?! That song isn't even finished!"
"Psst, don't shout like that. You know the chords. Just do it."
Then without giving him a chance to protest any further, I went over to Jim and told him the same. "Sure, no problem," was his response.
With that, I went back to the mic at the center of the stage again and announced.
"This song is for you."
Before the round of applause and cheer died out, I started to sing.
Oh, come closer to me
Let's get closer than we are now
Oh, you could be my star
You know what you are
You make me feel so high
You make me feel so…
Don't take it away from me
Don't take her away
It was a jangly pop tune, a bit cheesy, perhaps, but the crowd seemed to dig it. As Nick said, the song wasn't finished. We only had the chord progression but I had no more lyrics than this, but looking at the silly little girl standing at the back of the venue, tiptoeing to see her friend perform, the words came naturally for me.
You,
Selfish little brat
You,
Curious stray cat
You and I
Should have never met
And I really
Have so much to regret
Some of the crowd laughed, and I smiled too, as Monika pouted.
But hey,
Come closer to me
Let's get closer than we are now—
Not quite knowing what to sing as the closing verse, I just repeated the first verse.
I hate that you make me do silly things sometimes, Monika.