"Blaire, are you alright?"
Jim, the drummer, held the cymbals to silence them and asked me across the rehearsal room.
"I'm fine," I said, pulling my hood lower to cover my frown.
"You seem a bit out of it today," Nick the bassist chimed in.
"Just a little tired. I didn't get a good sleep."
"Not like that's anything new," Jim said again as he stood next to me now, bending down a little to see me in the eye.
"Let's just take a break."
I shrugged off my bandmates and went out for a smoke.
I checked my phone. Monika posted a new picture on her Delaygram account, holding a cup of matcha in her hand, putting on a goofy smile as she normally does. It didn't look performative at all. She just was that kind of girl.
Jim came out to stand next to me and leaned against the wall, and tried a few times to light a cigarette.
"Fuck," he casually swore after seeing that his lighter was empty. I dug into my pocket and passed mine to him without a word. He finally managed to light his cigarette, took a long drag, and passed it back to me.
"We've only got five days," he said.
"We'll be alright." I tried to reassure him, but even to me, I didn't sound very convincing.
"Is it because of her again?" Jim asked me after a few more drags.
"Stay the fuck out of it," I retorted.
"So what happened this time?"
I ignored Jim and put out the cigarette, squashing it with my foot.
"Nothing. Really. Nothing."
Jim flicked his cigarette away, which made a beautiful arc in the air and landed a few meters away.
"You should put it out before you do that. You will start a fire someday."
I reprimanded the idiot.
"Sorry, Mom."
And with that, Jim turned and walked back into the rehearsal room.
Just as I was about to return as well, my phone buzzed. Seeing it was from Monika, I hesitated for a bit before picking it up.
"What is it?" I blurted out.
"Blaire! My afternoon lecture is canceled."
"And?"
"Entertain me."
I sighed.
She has tons of friends at college. Couldn't she just leave me alone?
"I'm busy. I'm doing rehearsal with the band now."
"Oh, cool! Could I listen to you guys rehearse?"
"No."
"Aw, don't be like that."
"Just go to the library and study or something. You are going to flunk this year."
"The year has only started! Don't jinx it already."
I sighed, hung up, and went back inside.
"Guys, is it OK if my friend listens to us play over the phone?"
I asked Jim and Nick.
"Oh, which friend?" Nick asked.
"Sure. Go ahead," Jim approved, waving Nick off.
Predictably, I received a video call from Monika.
"You are so mean, Blaire. Don't hang up on me like that."
I could see her pout.
"So you want to watch us play or not?" I asked.
"Heh— that would be great."
I put the phone on a chair by the wall facing us. It was as if Monika was sitting there waiting to watch us do a small private concert for her.
"Hi, Monika!" Jim and Nick waved to my phone. The silly girl waved back and beamed a smile.
Jim and Nick always liked her.
Like everybody else.
We then ran through our setlist for the upcoming gig. It lasted just a little longer than twenty minutes. Monika sat quietly, watching—listening.
Once we were done, we gathered around my phone. Jim spoke first:
"How was it?"
"It sounded good, but—" Monika hesitated, not because she was being cautious, but to organize her thoughts.
"You keep speeding up when the kick drum gets busy, Jim."
For a girl who never played in any band, she had pretty sharp ears.
"Really?" Jim asked.
"Yes," Monika, Nick, and I answered at the same time.
"How about me?" Nick asked the critic this time.
"You are mostly fine, but you sometimes drag a little behind Jim."
"But that's because Jim's speeding up," Nick defended himself.
"Yes, it's Jim's fault." Monika didn't hold back, smiling.
Jim chuckled.
She had a way of blaming people that made the blamed person feel comforted.
"Right. That's it then. Go to the library," I told Monika, but when I was about to stop the call, she cut in:
"Wait, wait—and you, Blaire—"
I knew what she was going to say.
"Are you alright?" She asked.
"I'm fine. Now, go."
I ended the call and turned the phone face down. I wasn't going to pick up her call again for now.
I returned to the mic stand, strummed my guitar a few times, and told the other two, "We go again. Just one more time."
As Nick and Jim got ready, I cleared my throat once. Jim gave a count of four with his drumsticks and I sang the opening lines of the first song on our setlist.
Days go by with nothing for me to do
Sunday morning is all I look forward to
It's a pity that you came and went so quick
I lay in my bed all week 'cause I felt so sick
But when you come by it's a beautiful day
We are bound by the things that we never said—
"FUCK!"
I shouted into the mic, put my guitar down and walked out of the rehearsal room, leaving my bandmates behind.
It's not like I wanted you to come to our gig or anything, Monika.