After Alina left, I too went downstairs and had dinner with everyone. When the dinner was over, I quickly came into my room, ready to complete my breakthrough into the 8th stage.
Knock…
I was about to enter the nightmare realm again when someone knocked on the door. I stood and went to open the door. Outside stood Alina.
"What?" I asked
She stared at me for a while before leaving without saying a word. She left, but I was still standing here. Her gaze seemed to carry words that I couldn't understand. After a while, I took a long breath and closed the door again.
This time, no one disturbed me, but I felt invisible shackles wrapping around my body, making it hard to take a step forward. The darkness was as it is, nothing had changed, but now it wasn't easy step forward.
I stood in the darkness, calmly, thinking about why this was happening. I was feeling lost.
"Why… why, are you moving forward? For what? For Whom?" a voice echoed in the void, bringing out some forgotten question.
The more I listen to this voice, the more I feel like quitting. These are the questions that bothered me in past, but I forgot them with more and more pain. Now, they had chased me till here.
I don't know why… why I am afraid of these questions, but I always felt they are even scarier than the being inside the Golden Gate.
'I am Lost.'
It had been like this from the start, but I didn't need to accept it. So, why now… why…
My mind was in an internal struggle; much more destructive than the nightmares I had been carrying. The worst fear I had was the acceptance of truth. I never wanted to admit it, never…
I paused and took a long breath.
'Well, I have my own purpose which is lost, but not just one. I don't need to choose which branch I will go from the start, I can adapt with the weather and atmosphere where to go.'
After giving myself a satisfactory answer, I silenced this voice for the time being. Now, time to move on and complete what I had started. I took a step forward in the darkness this time; no shackles were holding me back like before. Once I landed my step, a new vision replaced the darkness.
This time, there wasn't any destruction or chaos, just simple darkness, which I am used to, but now it carries chills. It's like the darkness had turned into an icy world. The temperature was dropping continuously with every passing second. A thin layer of ice started to form in my pupils. My blood turned to freeze cold like the block ice piercing every inch of my body.
It was getting harder to stay conscious. My body was almost losing, but then I remembered, this trial wasn't about survival, it's about moving forward.
'Moving forward… every step will stack up suffering. Huh, I had always been avoiding confrontation. I will avoid till there is no way left.'
The body has almost frozen in its place, ice covering everything. My thoughts had also started to freeze; this feeling was becoming numb was quite amusing, but I couldn't stay any longer. I had to move on.
Once decided to step forward, this ice didn't hinder my step, just like an illusion. When the will to move forward surpasses the fear of Life, everything becomes meaningless. A single step and a world changed.
I was in the darkness, and silence spread across the whole world. It was peaceful, yet horrifying, but comfortable. This unknown, chaotic feeling, I don't even know what it is, half sane, half insane.
After being lost for a few minutes, I let go of it and left the nightmare realm. Outside world, when I opened my eyes, I was greeted by two crimson eyes staring at me from the roof. The room was filled with silence, with a light breeze coming from the window. I looked outside, and the moon was no longer visible. While there was still time for the sun to come out, there was a thin red line at the horizon, telling that it was coming.
I stood at the window looking outside, the cold brushed against my face, refreshing me. It was cold, soothing, and relaxing. The feeling that is mundane yet otherworldly, simple yet profound.
After a few more breaths, I turned and looked at Shadow, who was standing behind me, his crimson eyes locked on me. This shadow, after stepping into the 9th stage, had turned even more terrifying, bringing many new dangers for me.
From now onwards, if I still want to move forward, except for facing the truth, there is no other way left. I won't be able to avoid it anymore like before.
'It's nearing its end, and I still can't accept the truth. Maybe…'