Then we both entered the set. Yuan went to his makeup room to change himself and now I am standing alone here. The air feels a little bit heavy today here as everything seems to be coming closer to an end. I still remember the day, my first day here, when I entered this set to do a mock shoot and saw him for the first time with my own eyes without the barrier of a phone screen between us. I still remember it. And today I am standing here just on the last day of us here.
But still I do believe that if this chapter is ending from our lives then definitely there will be more wonderful and beautiful things waiting for us as we step into the next chapter of our life. I said it to myself and then I straight went to my makeup room to change myself.
Then while entering the changing room I just realized how fast things change here. I still remember Yang Lulu was always there whenever I came inside the makeup room. She was there always to help. The moments we shared and laughed together. But now she left without even contacting me and telling me anything. We were so close.
But I do really think that time changes everything. Their priorities change as time passes. Everyone gets busy in their lives. They don't have time for the people who are left behind them. Everyone just moves on and gets busy with their lives.
And look at me now. I am standing here thinking about the past.
Then I stopped my own thoughts and said to myself that Zhao Shiza get up and stop overthinking about anything and face the things which are coming in front of you right now. Even my life is also changing. It's also going to take another step of my life.
Then I made up my mind and got changed into the costumes.
Then the moment I came outside the room and the moment I stepped outside I saw the crew members already arriving here. Everyone is running here and there as they all are rushing to shoot the scenes as today is the last day for everyone here, so everyone is just working as fast as they could and preparing for the shooting.
Then I saw Director Li talking to his assistant about the next scene we have to shoot—sorry not the next scene, the last few scenes that we have to shoot today.
I know after the shooting of this drama series Yuan and I will never be able to get paired up again in any drama. He'll get busy in the shooting of his new dramas and I… my voice cracked a little while saying this… that I'll be left behind here.
I know everyone gets busy in their new life after this, but if anyone could ask me what I want to do then the only answer I can give to them is that I want to be his. I want to live with him. I just want to stay with him forever and ever.
I really don't want to do anything. I just want to walk on each and every path that takes me to you. I want to walk on that path which leads me to you as my only destination is you.
Many people may have their own plans for the future, their own goals and dreams. But for me everything starts from you and everything finishes on you.
I know if anyone hears me saying that they'll only think one thing about me—how foolish and immature and unreasonable I am. I think these all words are just meant to describe me and which is correct also in some ways.
As there is nothing wrong to say that yes I am being immature in this world where everyone just wants to get the best and better in their lives and I am thinking just about how to be yours.
Aren't I so stupid?
Yes I really am. Even I can answer myself this.
But what should I do when my foolish stupid heart doesn't let me do anything else? You are my favorite work on which I want to get busy the whole day. You are my favorite novel that I read every day before closing my eyes to sleep.
I know no one will ever understand my feelings and the things that I hold inside me for you because if I say anything to them they'll only get one thought about me which is that how stupid you are Zhao Shiza.
And I don't want anyone to think that your love is a foolishness of mine because I can't think like that. I can't even let anyone else think like that.
Because I can't live a life which doesn't have you.
The days and the nights without you are just like breathing in a body which is soulless. My soul is always with you. It can't stay inside me forever. It always runs to you wherever you go.
And I am standing here just thinking about all these things in my mind.
Why do I always get lost inside my thoughts?
Then Director Li's assistant came towards me holding the script in his hands. Before letting him say anything else I took the script from his hands myself and said I'll read the script and prepare for my lines.
The assistant nodded his head as it's almost been months of this routine of him coming to me and handing over these scripts to me daily. Now I am used to this routine.
But everything is last today and from tomorrow onwards there is no need for me to come here to the set every day.
Then Director Li announced that everyone it's time to shoot. Just get to your spots everyone.
And now we all moved in to shoot the scene.
Then we started shooting the moment Yuan came out of his makeup room after changing himself into the costumes.
And just like this we shot for hours and we didn't even realize how fast the time passed today. And we came to the end of our drama and started shooting the last scene of it.
This drama has a tragic ending where the characters that Yuan and I played get parted away in the last scene due to some misunderstandings and the drama ends there only.
As the main motive of our drama was never to make everyone fall in love. It's just to make everyone know that sometimes there is a tragic ending to our dreams where you can't do anything about it.
But it doesn't mean that you shouldn't dream about anything just because it didn't get fulfilled.
Yes if your dream never gets fulfilled then it's definitely not a problem. But never stop yourself from dreaming about something which gives you endless happiness and takes you to the world of love which doesn't even exist in reality.
And just like that, just like this story, my dream is Yuan.
To be his.
The life I have… I don't know how much time… but I want to breathe every second of me with him.
Which can't be possible.
You know Zhao Shiza… he is a big celebrity. He doesn't have time for you even if you are his girlfriend.
I know. I do really know.
But please make my stupid foolish heart understand this because it really doesn't let me understand it.
Because whenever it comes to Yuan my logical thinking becomes illogical. I don't behave like my age. I start sounding like someone who doesn't even care about anything else other than the thing I want.
And yes it's the very right word to describe you.
Essential.
Yes you are really essential to me Yuan.
Essential to me.
I repeated it again to myself.
You are essential for me to breathe every day. You are essential to make me feel that dreaming about you is not my foolishness or immaturity. It's my only way of loving you.
Then the characters that we were playing in the drama series hugged each other for the last time and then headed towards our own paths.
And then Director Li took a deep sigh of relief and finally said, "Pack up."
And here our shoot for this drama ended.
Now the "Lost In Your Love" our drama has ended.
Now there is no need to wake up early in the morning and come here to shoot. But it does feel heavy for me right now as our drama finally ended.
The crew members and the studio team brought the cake for everyone. The big cake, such a long one which I used to see on my phone's screen when other celebrities' shoots get over.
And now it came for us.
And I am able to experience it myself.
The cake came in front of us and the knife was handed over to Yuan and me.
And then we cut the cake together and there were a lot of flashes of cameras.
The moment we cut the cake together the crew members, the teams, and the studio everyone just clicked so many pictures of us together which they'll post on Weibo and official pages.
And that will be the first time my appearance with him will be known by the whole Shanghai.
No let me correct myself—not only in Shanghai, in fact in the whole China.
These things are very new for me.
As the moment everyone started clicking pictures of us together he noticed that I got a little bit nervous.
So he put his hand on my back and whispered in my ear in his deep calm and usual composed voice saying,
"Relax. Just breathe in and out. I know you are not used to it but sooner you will be. For the first time for everyone it feels like that only, so nothing to worry about. It's very normal and I am right here standing beside you so don't worry."
And I don't know how but his words relaxed me.
The nervousness was gone.
And I don't know from where but the confidence came into me right now.
I didn't even tell him that I was feeling nervous but he sensed it without even me telling him.
This is the most favorite quality of him that I like the most.
As he senses everything without even saying it.
People say some people read faces, but he… he reads my heart very well.
And then this is how the day ended.
After lots of photos were clicked Director Li said to everyone that now our drama project has ended.
"Well we all worked so hard for it. We will definitely have a dinner party together somewhere tomorrow, so everyone needs to come there and celebrate our hard work of months tomorrow. So you all are invited tomorrow and time and venue will be sent to you all till today evening. And this dinner party is on me so everyone please do come."
Everyone here got happy as they all are going to have a good party after months.
I also got happy that at least I get one more day to spend with him.
I murmured this under my breath.
But as by habit he asked me, "Did you say anything?"
I just shook my head slightly and said no.
"But did you hear anything?" I asked him.
"Yes," he said.
"What did you hear?" I asked him shockingly.
"I am not going to tell you. Let's go. Come, I'll drop you to your dorm," he said.
And this is how our last day on the set ended.
Yes it was quite heavy but it ended with lots of hope and happiness.
As this journey ended here I know there will be more and more adventurous journeys of life waiting for us.
And I am really eagerly waiting to unlock the next chapter of my life.
What it holds for me.
And I really hope whatever it holds for me it must have him in it.
Just him.
And that is it for me.
And then we headed inside his car and he started the car to drop me to my dorm.
And this is how it ended here.
But it needed to end for something new that must start from here.
From today.
And we are ready for it to face it together...