I was lying on my bed, scrolling through my Weibo, when suddenly I saw a video of him and the female lead of that drama. They both were promoting the drama laughing, smiling, enjoying, and making videos together. A drop of tear slipped from the right corner of my eye. Then Zhao Xin came into my room. I immediately hid that tear by wiping it off.
Zhao Xin asked, "Zhao Shiza, what happened? You haven't eaten properly when we were at the table."
I said, "Nothing, just feeling not so well. But forget all that didn't you all message me that you'd come tomorrow morning? So why did you come today?"
"Zhao Shiza, Aunt is recovering, and there were many of her relatives with her, so we thought it wasn't good to bother them. We told Aunt that we were leaving early since you were all alone at home and might have returned from school by this hour. And you know what? As soon as she heard you were alone at home, she panicked and sent us back immediately."
I gave her a pathetic look, and then she laughed and left my room.
The day passed successfully, and now it was night. Another day had gone by chaotic as always but still, without you, an ache stayed in my heart. I was lying on my bed, ready to sleep, but my thoughts didn't allow me to rest. The thoughts about you… why are we so far from each other? This thought kills me that your eyes will never see me, that you'll never love me the way I love you. My one-sided love will always remain a one-way traffic.
I know you'll never reciprocate my feelings, but still, I love you. Still, I love you. No matter what happens, I'll always love you, always and always. Tears started falling from my eyes; my cheeks became warm, but whatever it is, my pain will never lessen.
Xu Yuan, why? Why do you affect me so much? It's uncontrollable. I'm not able to handle it. I'm just a young girl I can't carry these heavy emotions in me. I can't. It's draining me out. Why did I develop feelings for someone who will never be mine?
I cried hard, too hard. Then I wiped off my tears and said to myself, "I won't let anyone know what I'm feeling for you, because I know no one will ever understand me. No one. They'll never understand my love for you. But it doesn't matter, because the only thing that matters to me is you.
I want to protect my love, because everyone would treat my pure love for you as just a teenage crush, or attraction, or infatuation. But only I know what it truly feels like. And I don't want anyone to disrespect my love for you. I just want to protect it. From now onwards, my first priority is to protect my love for you."
And after that, I wiped my tears and tried to sleep on my wet pillow wet from my tears. A deep sleep, with a sigh of relief, after the confession.
The early morning in Chongqing is always pleasant for me, as this city has so much rain. It's always rainy weather, and my Mr. Heart loves it. The pleasant fragrance of this rain in the early morning at 6:07 a.m. fills my heart completely, because your Zhao Shiza loves this weather no, not just loves it, lives for it. I'm so lucky that I was born in this city, which has my favorite weather all the time.
Then my thoughts broke by a voice saying, "Come soon to the breakfast table, otherwise it'll get cold," said Māmā (Zhao Yúnlán).
I pulled away my blanket and went to take a shower. Then I came to the table wearing my school uniform it was already 7:40. I had taken too much time in the shower; I was getting late. As fast as I could, I grabbed the Dòujiāng Yóutiáo (Soy Milk & Fried Dough Sticks) and ran out of the house, ignoring all the voices from Zhao Xin and Māmā.
I ran as fast as I could, because I couldn't afford to be late today Mr. Li Wenhao never spares latecomers, especially when the latecomer is his beloved Zhao Shiza.
Then my bus came, and I got into it. After almost 20 to 25 minutes, I reached my destination. It only took 10 more minutes of walking to reach my school. But the moment I stepped out of the bus, I remembered that I had forgotten to bring my colors today–today was my art class day.
Then I saw my all-time favorite convenience store, which always saves me during my last-minute forgotten things. I stepped inside and started checking which colors to buy. Then my attention was drawn toward the TV, which was showing an advertisement and the advertisement starred my Xu Yuan. Wow, he looked so fine! I got lost in it. In the advertisement, he was promoting a strawberry drink while performing martial arts. His martial arts skills were so perfect. Then the advertisement ended and switched to a leg pain tablet commercial.
"Can't I see him more? Can't I even deserve this much?" I murmured. Then suddenly a thought came to my mind should I call you Cǎoméi xiānsheng (Mr. Strawberry)? Yes! From now onwards, you are my Cǎoméi xiānsheng.
I giggled a lot, then bought my colors and some strawberries and walked out of the store, eating strawberries on my way to school just thinking about my Cǎoméi xiānsheng, with a shy smile on my lips.
Oh, my Mr. Heart, don't be so hard on me.