One of them reached me and touched my left arm. I was shivering. One of the goons said while smiling, "Don't be afraid, little one, we will not hurt you. I'll just kiss you."
I started crying. They were coming closer to me, but I pushed one of them and ran away from there. I felt something on my right hand what was that? But leave it, Zhao Shiza, now I have to run. Run as fast as I can.
I kept running and didn't look back, holding the photo frame too close to me, too tightly, like without it my breathing would stop. Now I was out of breath; I couldn't run anymore. Then I found a shelter nearby, so I went there and sat down for a while. I started crying so hard, so hard.
Between my crying, I kept saying to myself, "My Xu Yuan, I protected you today. See, they couldn't take you away from me. I can do anything, anything for you. I know you'll never be able to understand my pain, but still, it's my oath to myself. I don't know how much life Zhao Shiza has left, but whatever it is, I will always love you no matter what. If it's not you, then I don't want it.
Today, even if they had done something bad to me, I wouldn't have cared. The only thing that bothers me is protecting you from them. I'm just a worthless girl, and you are someone worth protecting. I know, I know very well that we'll never meet, never be able to see each other. I know you're busy filming your new drama series somewhere, and you'll never know what happened to me today. But no regrets it's my silent love, in this one-sided love story of ours.
I'll do everything. I'll bear all the pain, I'll fall, I'll get hurt, I'll cry everything I'll do. You just don't worry; you don't need to do anything. It's my responsibility, not yours. I'm the one who fell for you, and I know that harsh truth that Xu Yuan will never fall for me, never love me the way I love him, because I know I'm just an ordinary girl, nothing more than that. This girl is worthless."
I kept saying all these things while looking at his photo in the frame in my hand with teary eyes. Then I hugged the frame tightly again with both hands and closed my eyes, just trying to feel his presence though I know it will never be near me, no matter how bad things get.
When I hugged the frame, my hands touched each other, and then I felt something on my right arm. I immediately turned my face toward my hand and saw that my uniform sleeve was torn. Then I remembered when I was running away from the goons, one of them tried to stop me by grabbing my arm. It must have happened then.
I picked up my bag and started walking home. While walking, I kept wiping my tears and combing my hair with my hands, as my two ponytails had loosened.
When I reached home, I said, "Mama, I'm home."
She replied, "Okay, Zhao Shiza, go to your room and freshen up. The food will take a little more time to cook."
I nodded and went to my room. I locked the door and stood in front of the mirror, looking at myself and questioning, "Am I looking like a fool? See what my stupid heart made me do."
While I was doing this, a voice came, "Zhao Shiza, come, the food is ready. Come soon or it will get cold."
I replied, changing my voice tone to sound normal, "Yes, coming! You all start, I'm just changing my clothes."