I peered into the doorway. The room was certainly full of people, and I could tell most of them were high school students at a glance—they just had that distinctive look.
The faces of the science students seemed to be etched with countless formulas, while the humanities students' faces were filled with Marxism.
These were likely high schoolers from nearby schools, taking advantage of the weekend for extra tutoring.
This is so intense. I felt a pang of shame about my own past lack of effort.
Chen Shi placed me in a seat near the wall and towards the back. She seemed to feel a bit apologetic about the spot. "I'm sorry to put you here."
Before she could say anything else, I quickly interjected, "It's fine. I'm tall, so I'd just block other students. I understand that. And my eyesight is good enough to see the blackboard, Sister Chen, so don't worry."
Chen Shi paused, then gave me a deep, thoughtful look.
Her gaze made me feel a little self-conscious. I mentally wondered what I had said wrong, but then she spoke softly: "Actually, you could try not worrying so much about others. Be a little more selfish. Maybe you'd be happier."
With that, she turned and walked up to the podium.
But her words echoed in my mind. Be a little more selfish. That phrase hit me with great force. My mother had always been extremely strict, and her expectations were impossibly high. She had managed my life completely from elementary school straight through middle school. She was too intense, too demanding. The overwhelming number of rules was suffocating. She constantly imposed constraints on me without ever considering what I could handle.
If I truly lived up to her standards, I wouldn't be a person; I'd be a saint! I couldn't understand why my mother demanded so much, or why I had to bear such immense pressure. As a result, I had always been overly cautious about other people's feelings. Often, when others cried, I felt sad inside, and when others were angry—even if it had nothing to do with me—I still felt guilty.
I cared too much about what others thought, and it was exhausting. What Chen Shi said today finally brought clarity and made me realize this crucial point.
"Today we are going to study..."