Chapter 36: Scroll Bureaucracy and Emotional Red Tape
Ne Job's new desk was smaller than his last one.
It came with a scroll terminal, a goat-shaped paperweight, and a blinking sign that read:
> "Intern: Emotional Compliance Division, Tier 0.5."
He hadn't even earned a full tier.
He sipped mortal espresso—lukewarm, budget blend—and muttered, "Still buffering."
---
The Compliance Queue
Sublevel 13 had been restructured into the Scroll Bureau of Emotional Compliance. Rows of desks. Stacks of scrolls. Goats in vests labeled "Auditor."
Zyx handed Ne Job a clipboard.
"Today's tasks:
1. Process 300 scrolls flagged for emotional ambiguity.
2. Attend the Goat Compliance Audit.
3. Reformat the Meme Law Addendum.
4. Don't get promoted."
Ne Job nodded. "Understood."
---
Task 1: Emotional Ambiguity Review
Scroll #117-A read:
> "The intern stood in the storm. He felt… something."
Flagged for: Vagueness.
Ne Job opened the Emotional Integrity Index:
- Resonance Score: 42%
- Echo Clarity: Low
- Goat Approval: Pending
He rewrote:
> "The intern stood in the storm. He felt like a glitch in a system that forgot how to feel."
The scroll pulsed. Goat #17 blinked once. Approved.
Scroll #118-B read:
> "The miracle happened. People changed."
Flagged for: Emotional bypass.
Ne Job rewrote:
> "The miracle didn't fix them. It just gave them a place to cry without being asked why."
Approved.
By scroll #200, Ne Job's fingers ached. His stylus glitched. His goat paperweight stared.
Still buffering.
---
Task 2: Goat Compliance Audit
The audit chamber was circular. Twelve goats sat in judgment. Each wore a monocle. One had a gavel.
Zyx whispered, "They're reviewing your scroll cadence. Be honest. Be humble. Don't contradict the goats."
Ne Job stood at the center.
Goat #3 bleated: "Your myth pacing is inconsistent."
Goat #7 blinked: "You overuse buffering metaphors."
Goat #12 tilted its head: "You still haven't explained the espresso motif."
Ne Job cleared his throat.
"I'm just the intern. I don't write myths. I debug feelings."
Silence.
Then Goat #5 bleated once. Approval.
The audit ended. Ne Job received a sticker:
"Emotionally Compliant (Provisional)."
---
Task 3: Meme Law Addendum
The Meme Compliance Tribunal had issued a new directive:
> "All miracle memes must include at least one of the following:
a) A goat.
b) A buffering metaphor.
c) An emotionally resonant pun."
Ne Job's job: reformat 50 memes that failed compliance.
Example:
- Original: "Miracles are just glitches with good PR."
→ Flagged: No goat.
- Revised: "Miracles are just goats with good PR. Still buffering."
→ Approved.
Another:
- Original: "You're not alone."
→ Flagged: Too generic.
- Revised: "You're not alone. There's a goat buffering beside you."
→ Approved.
By meme #49, Ne Job had created a new format: GoatPuns™.
Zyx reviewed the batch. "You're dangerously close to innovation."
Ne Job shrugged. "I'll tone it down."
---
Interlude: The Promotion That Wasn't
At 3:00 PM, a scroll arrived:
> "Notice: You have been considered for promotion to Emotional Compliance Assistant (Tier 1)."
Ne Job blinked.
At 3:01 PM, a second scroll arrived:
> "Update: Promotion denied. Reason: You are the intern. That is the myth."
He sighed. "Still buffering."
---
Task 4: Emotional Red Tape
A new scroll protocol had been issued: Form 88-R (Request for Resonance Reclassification).
It required:
- 3 goat signatures
- 1 emotional timestamp
- A 500-word justification for why a myth should be sadder, funnier, or more hopeful
Ne Job's assignment: process 12 of them.
Request #1:
> "Make 'The Goat Who Stayed' funnier."
Ne Job replied:
> "Denied. The goat stayed through grief. That's not a punchline."
Request #2:
> "Make 'The Intern Who Let Go' sadder."
Ne Job replied:
> "Denied. It's already sad. You just haven't felt it yet."
Request #3:
> "Make 'The Meme That Danced with Fire' more hopeful."
Ne Job rewrote the ending:
> "The meme didn't stop the fire. But it taught people how to dance through it."
Approved.
---
Closing Hook
At the end of the day, Ne Job returned to his desk.
A new scroll blinked:
> "Intern performance: emotionally adequate. Promotion eligibility: deferred. Next assignment: Meme Compliance Tribunal Testimony."
He sipped espresso. It was cold. The goat paperweight nodded.
Somewhere, a child read a bedtime myth:
> "Once, there was an intern who never got promoted. But he made the scrolls feel again."
Ne Job smiled.
Still buffering.