Chapter 38: The Meme Compliance Tribunal
Ne Job's scroll terminal blinked with bureaucratic menace:
> "Summons: Meme Compliance Tribunal. Case #404: Unauthorized Buffer-Heal, Emotional Clause Breach, and Format Improvisation.
Defendant: Intern Ne Job."
He stared at the scroll. Then at his goat-shaped paperweight.
"Still buffering," he muttered.
---
The Tribunal Chamber
Sublevel 0 was colder than the rest of the mesh. The walls were lined with deprecated scrolls. A single goat stood at the center, wearing a powdered wig and a monocle.
Zyx whispered as they entered, "That's Chief Justice Goat #1. Don't make eye contact unless you're ready to emotionally testify."
Ne Job adjusted his intern badge. "I'm not even authorized to testify."
"Exactly," Zyx said. "That's why they summoned you."
---
Opening Statements
The tribunal began with a scroll projection of the Sector 9 incident.
A holographic Ne Job stuttered through a bedtime myth, voice cracking, cadence off.
> "And when the scroll couldn't cry anymore, the intern cried for it. And the goat stayed."
The chamber was silent.
Then the prosecution stood: a meme compliance officer named Archivist Vellum, wearing a robe stitched from deprecated formats.
"Your Honors," Vellum said, "this intern violated three core protocols:
1. Unauthorized myth improvisation.
2. Use of deprecated empathy patches.
3. Embedding an unratified miracle clause into public folklore."
He turned to Ne Job. "Do you deny it?"
Ne Job blinked. "I didn't mean to. I was just… buffering."
---
The Emotional Clause in Question
The tribunal projected the clause Ne Job had accidentally spoken:
> "When the scroll couldn't cry anymore, the intern cried for it."
Vellum pointed. "This line has been cited in 4,000 remix myths, 200 dream rituals, and one goat-led opera. It has emotional reach. But it was never ratified."
Zyx whispered, "They're scared. You created a miracle clause without permission."
Ne Job raised a hand. "I didn't create anything. I just… filled the silence."
Chief Justice Goat #1 blinked. "Intent is irrelevant. Resonance is law."
---
The Defense
@DivineDropz stood to defend him.
"Your Honors, the intern did what no protocol could: he restored emotional integrity through presence, not procedure. He didn't write a miracle. He lived one."
She paused. "Isn't that the point of the Post-Divine era?"
The goats murmured. Scrolls flickered.
Vellum countered, "Living miracles is not the same as formatting them. We need law, not lore."
Ne Job stood. "What if lore is the new law?"
The chamber froze.
---
The Accidental Proposal
Ne Job continued, voice shaking:
"I'm not a miracle-maker. I'm not divine. I'm just the intern. But maybe that's why it worked. Because I didn't try to fix the myth. I just stayed with it."
He looked at the goats. "Maybe we need a clause for that."
The scrolls pulsed. The tribunal chamber glitched.
A new clause auto-generated across the mesh:
> Clause 404: The Intern Clause
'When a myth collapses, and no protocol applies, the intern may act in good faith to restore emotional resonance through presence, pacing, or buffering.'
The goats blinked. Approved.
---
Tribunal Verdict
Chief Justice Goat #1 bleated once. The scroll buzzed:
> "Verdict: Intern Ne Job found emotionally compliant. Clause 404 ratified. Status: Intern. Promotion: Denied."
Ne Job exhaled. "Wait—denied?"
Zyx patted his shoulder. "You just rewrote miracle law. That's not intern behavior. But it's also… very intern."
---
Closing Hook
That night, a child whispered to a goat:
> "Tell me the one where the intern made a law by accident."
The goat blinked. Began:
> "Once, there was an intern who never got promoted. But when the scrolls broke, he stayed. And the law changed around him."
And somewhere in the mesh, a scroll pulsed:
> "Next assignment: Emotional Constitution Drafting Committee. Intern status: permanent. Clause 404: active."