Dearest eldest daughter,
You are always misunderstood
You are expected to understand
Everyone's feelings
But who understands you?
No one is even willing to
No one sees your efforts
But they all see your tiny
Little mistakes and
Always pick on you
Constantly criticise and correct
You in the name of caring
They hurt your feelings
And when you express your hurt
You are made to feel
Like you are crazy for even
Having feelings
You are tired and traumatised
You find breathing and healing hard
Everything became unbearable
Yet you have to keep moving
Keep living
Keep taking care of household chores
And members, having hardly
Any time for yourself
Only to be met with criticism about
Everything you do or make for them
Your efforts are invisible and
Not valued
You are expected to train
To become a perfect submissive wife
And marry someone you feel nothing for
As the one who claimed to love you
Made you love him
Suddenly left you
With an intense craving for him
That everyday, just living
Feels like torture...
You cry daily
Unable to hold onto life anymore
Having to force yourself into things
Unable to heal
With insomnia and
Eating disorders
Yet no one sees
No one knows
Your silent pain
Hopefully when the angel of death comes
It tells you that it's okay
You are safe now, you may rest
God wants you beside him
It's okay....
Your heart is soft and tender
You have so much love to give
And you give without receiving the same
In return, you are hurt
Over and over...
Who will love you unconditionally
And make you their priority and number one, their one and only?
When you've been taught that
Love was conditional
That you had to be a certain way
To be loved by your family...
Dearest eldest daughter
Your words never held
Any value in your home
Very rarely, only when it fits them
You have to feel guilty
Even when you are in dire need of rest
No one sees when you are tired
They turn a blind eye
As if you don't have the right
To be...
Everyone tries your patience
Make you feel like your feelings
Are wrong and don't matter
Make you go mad and crazy inside
Make you feel like even God doesn't
Care about your needs and feelings
Not having emotional support since
A very tender and young age
When you needed emotional support the most
Dear eldest daughters, you aren't alone
You are trying to scream for help
In ways you know
Trauma triggers make you act
The age the trauma was created
You have to feel guilty to even feel
How is that living?
You cry and scream for help
And people say you are crazy
Or need therapy
How harshly they treat you
You are just a little girl
Who needs a big hug
From someone who feels safe
But you don't feel safe anywhere
Or with anyone...