Jiro looked around at his newly made friends, rejoicing around the fire in the middle of the goblin settlement. Little green creatures high-fiving, singing, and smiling after the hero's grand promise.
None of them realised that their new protector was actually sent here to commit a small genocide and eradicate them from existence. Not even for any great heroic reason. He just wanted to get an ID card and apply for unemployment benefits.
This was a new low for any hero across the multiverse.
"We must be truly blessed!" said Gavard, the elder of this tribe "Not only the hero turned out to be a kind, goblin-accepting person, but he also came here to defeat Ghormad the Anhedonic for us!"
A thick bead of sweat trickled down Jiro's forehead. It rolled down his cheek, gathering all the moisture from his pores like a snowball, eventually dropping onto his t-shirt, leaving a visible wet spot with, what Jiro could have sworn, was an echoing splash. His nerves were impossible to hide.
"That's right!" Yelled Gamma, with a bright smile that could awaken the dead from their slumber, "He's the greatest hero we could have ever imagined! We should swear our loyalty to him since he clearly promised never to betray us!"
"Neeeeeever ever ever ever ever ever will he betray us", said Galon, ecstatic.
(Ok, at this point, they have to be mocking me, right?)
"But honestly, how did you know Ghormad was here?" Gamma asked, "Was it some type of hero instinct?"
"No, no, no. Nothing like that, haha," Jiro chuckled nervously "Pure coincidence if I'm being honest. I was on a quest from the guild, and I got sidetracked"
"Side-tracked, yet you stumbled upon a demon lord's general in a forest. I wonder what your quest must have been if you consider that a side quest," Gamma laughed.
*Gulp*
Jiro nervously sipped his tea. Hands shaking, spilling oolong out of the clanking porcelain, looking for any opportunity to escape this line of questioning.
"It's really not that important", he quickly slid across the tree trunk towards the ent girl that had been fidgeting nervously the whole time "So what's up with you?"
The tree creature almost jumped with the pure shock of her new crush suddenly taking an interest in her. Her leaves rustle with a noticeable shyness. Even a single apple falls from one of her branches onto Jiro's head, which is strange since she was clearly an oak ent.
Jiro picks up the apple and uses the hem of his t-shirt to wipe any dirt from it. He looked at the tree ent with a genuine smile.
"Is it for me? Can I eat it?"
Her branches creaked as she quickly averted her eyes. Her innocent bashfulness prevented her from facing her first-ever human crush. After a small minute, her crown slowly rose, only to come down into an accepting nod.
Hero carefully lifted the apple, level with his flirtatious smile. He licked his lips before roughly biting into the bright red fruit with visible passion. Juice trickled down from the corner of his mouth. Before any drop could fall from his chin, he used his thumb to wipe it off and under a fake pretence of preserving every bit of food, he licked the transparent juice off his finger.
"Delicious", he said as he winked at the tree ent.
Soft pink roses suddenly grew under her eyes, creating an adorable floral blush. It made her look more human than ever before.
"Oh goodness. The hero must be a real lady killer," Gavard said with a proud smile. "This one has been coming over for tea for ages, but this is the first time I've seen her like this. Too bad she can't speak."
Jiro laughs gently.
"I'm definitely not some pick-up artist, sir. But it's true, it's a shame," he says, looking at the tree. "Because I would love to know her name if she could speak. But maybe she could…"
He grabbed a stick lying around and guided it across the sand below him to write "Maybe you could tell me your name like this".
Tree girl jumps again, waving her branches as if to say, "Oh, stop it, you". She took a deep breath, extended one of her twigs to the ground, and started writing in the sand. This girl probably begged her own deity for an opportunity to speak to the hero.
Her brunch moved quickly, and suddenly the sand became her canvas as he wrote out her message.
"My name is Beatrice Arianna Luna Francesca Carla Sofia Margarita di Vincenza XIV. I actually came from an elven kingdom of Coraggiosa. My father was the king of our land, but when he led his army against the demons in the battle of Tartaros, the orc lord Varmar pushed his Spear of Benevolence through my father's heart. After many years of mourning my mother, she remarried, taking on my father's older brother as her new spouse, making him the king of Coraggiosa. As it is per elven tradition, no ruler can reign over a kingdom for more than 150 years, so when the time came, my mother had to choose who would take over the kingdom. The choice was between me and my half-brother, Marco Lorenzo Matteo Antonio Leonardo Enzo Alessandro di Vincezo VI. Unfortunately, my younger sibling became addicted to power and, influenced by my stepfather, decided to eliminate his only opposition. He hired a dark magician from the forgotten tribes of Ikertia Tundra, who placed a curse on me, turning me into this tree form. It was said that as long as Coraggiosa exists, I will forever be trapped in an ent body. That's why I left. I couldn't let anyone even think about sacrificing my beloved homeland to save me. That was 43 years ago. Ever since then, I have been travelling across all continents, hiding in the forests until I stumbled upon these lovely goblins. They offered me friendship when I started forgetting kindness, a place to stay when I craved for a home, and a cup of tea when my body forgot warmth. Since then, I managed to find peace, but a hope for turning back to my old form, and seeing my mother at least once more, never left."
Jiro looked up at her and gently placed his hand on top of her branch. He smiled with kindness in his eyes.
"I'm just gonna call you 'Betty', ok?"
(Mr Narrator...)
Yeah?
(I just activated a flag, huh?)
Oh definitely. If you're ever anywhere near Coraggiosa, the story will lead you towards resolving it.
(Damn… Can we at least wait until Volume 3 to do it? I can't be arsed to handle it now)
Sure…. We can wait.
Betty felt butterflies in her stomach as Jiro's hand touched hers. Probably because there were a bunch of butterflies inside her tree trunk, all of the colourful insects flew out of her belly into the setting sun.
Jiro looked up and looked into her eyes.
"Don't worry. One day you'll see your mom again. I promise."
Betty's pink roses on her cheeks flushed into a bright red embarrassment. Her massive form suddenly stood up and ran off into the forest, with each stomp of her legs shaking the ground around them. She kept hiding her face behind her branches as her shy nature took over.
"No! Don't go!" Jiro yelled, extending his arm towards her, as he watched his last excuse to not think about the quest run off into the distance.
There was a moment of silence in the crowd of goblins as they watched this fantasy soap opera conclude awkwardly. Finally, Gallon cleared his throat loudly.
"Well… So you said you were on a quest from the guild, right? I understand that because of us and the demon general, you probably haven't had time to do it. Tell us, friend, and we will come to your aid"
"Oh no no no. There's no need. I think I will do it some other time."
"Come on! You're our sworn ally. One of us. Basically family. Of course, we will help you"
"Please. I can do it on my own."
Gamma laughed and slapped Jiro's back playfully.
"Don't be like that, big bro! It's not like you came here to kill us"
Silence.
Not even wind dared to make a sound.
Gamma looked at Jiro with sudden doubt in her eyes. Her voice was trembling.
"Mister? Are you here to kill us?"
*Gulp version 2*
Jiro looked around and saw the frightened faces of small goblins. They weren't some vicious and mindless monsters that were going to attack anyone for any reason. They were scared, almost-human, vulnerable little creatures that felt unsafe and needed saving.
Hero suddenly stood up. He used all his strength to jump into the air, and after a solid 25 seconds, he landed back on the ground with an echoing smash, folded into a perfect, crisp dogeza. Forehead pressed so far into the ground he could taste the dirt. Arms stretched out with hands twisted inwards and butt glued to his heels. Twelve generations of his Japanese ancestors all shared a proud tear in heaven as they saw it.
"I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER MY MOST SINCERE APOLOGIES!!!" yelled Jiro into the ground "My quest indeed was to slay a dozen goblins, but I promise not to do it! Although I'm in great need of completing this quest, I could not bring myself to kill you!"
This showcase triggered something deep inside the goblins. The elderly Gavard suddenly mastered all his strength to jump into the air, only to land in a perfect dogeza following the hero's example.
"We should be the ones apologising! We're sorry we are not proper goblins to be killed, and thus preventing our great friend from completing your quest!"
"Mister Gavard…." Jiro looked up at him with a tear in his eyes.
Gamma slammed her forehead into the ground, bowing so deeply she could smell the grass roots.
"That's right, big bro! I feel so ashamed that we stand in the way of your dreams when you've done so much for us!"
"We're sorry!" another goblin yelled.
"No, no. I'm sorry!" Jiro yelled, waving his hands and rubbing his eyes as tears started flowing down his cheeks.
"We're super sorry, master Jiro!"
Before they knew it, Jiro and the whole goblin settlement were huddled up in one big hug, constantly apologising to each other—one side for coming here to kill them, the other for not being able to be killed. Everyone had eyes full of tears, embracing the emotions they were experiencing.
"I think I should go." Jiro finally said as everyone's sadness managed to settle down, "The sooner I report to the guild, I failed my quest, the better. I'll find another way to get that guild card. But before I go…"
Jiro raised his hand and snapped his fingers. Above the goblin settlement, the orange setting sky began to turn green as a magical barrier spread across the forest, enclosing the village and its surroundings like an umbrella. Finally, the edges of this magical sphere touched the ground.
"This should help you guys find peace. I'm afraid there will be some adjustment period before adventurers stop hunting you guys, so you should be safe here. It will only let people you consider your friends come inside."
Goblins teared up and hugged Jiro again.
"You're way too good to us! Please, at least kill me to complete your quest!"
"No! Kill me!"
"Please! Let me do it!"
"Guys…." Jiro looked at them teary-eyed, touched by their commitment "I can't. But…. Maybe…."
"What is it, master Jiro?! We'll do anything!"
"Technically, for the quest completion, I just need to bring goblin ears as proof of killing them. I don't need to bring whole bodies. Just ears."
"What does that mean? What can we do for you?"
"We'll do anything!"
Jiro takes out the adventurer's starter kit he received from Paulina before his departure. He reaches into the bag, takes out a pair of scissors, and clicks them gently.
"Ok… line up"
*Snip*
*Snip*
*Snip*
*Snip*
*Snip*