"…mr jiro…"
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"Mister Jiro?"
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"MISTER JIRO!!!"
Hero's eyes snapped open, and his body shot up in alert. As he was brought back from deep slumber, he sat up immediately, but nausea forced him to lie back down again. His head was spinning like he had just got off a rollercoaster, and his dry mouth felt like he had slept with a dirty slipper in his mouth.
He rubbed his eyes, trying to gain some focus. His vision still foggy, he squinted at the silhouette of a short girl with a bob haircut. He sighed loudly as his hand searched around for his smartphone.
"Why are you waking me up on the weekend, Akari? Nothing better to do?" he whimpered slightly as he felt a sharp pain in his head "I feel like shit... Can you ask Mom for some meds? I think I got a cold. And where is my phone?"
The girl's hand got closer to his forehead, checking his temperature. Jiro heard a sigh followed by a quiet giggle.
"It's not a cold, silly. It's a hangover." She said.
"Hangover? What are you talking about? I have never had a drink in my life. I'm 18, Akari. I can't drink yet. But I had a craaaaazy dream, you know-"
"Who's Akari?"
The girl stepped on his bed and reached over him to open the curtains. Blinding morning light seeped through the small opening. Summer breeze ran through Jiro's hair as the girl unlocked the window to let some fresh air in.
As his vision finally became clearer, he saw above him the young adventurer's guild receptionist he had met yesterday, already in her uniform, wearing an amiable smile. Paulina had one knee on his bed, looking down at the dishevelled hero who looked like he had crawled out of the depths of Super Hell. You know - the place below hell where evil devils go when they die. By the way, when devils are good and they die, they get reincarnated back on earth as geese. Think about it next time you call someone a 'silly goose'. You're basically calling them a goofy antichrist.
Anyways.
Jiro quickly scanned the room. Besides Paulina, his clothes folded neatly on the chair by the bed were the only things that seemed remotely familiar. Simple wooden furniture arranged around the room gave this aesthetic a comfy vibe. It's giving a mountain cabin, despite the subtle noises of the morning city life, as the voices of cheerful merchants setting up their stalls at the local market spread across the-
(Hold up. Why are my clothes on the chair?)
Jiro quickly peeked under the covers, only to witness his naked form.
"EEEEP!" Jiro squealed like a little girl as he hid under the blanket with embarrassment. In the darkness of his temporary hideout, all he could hear were amused, familiar giggles. He slid across the bed to steal a glance from where his feet were.
"Paulina? What happened yesterday?"
The young girl finally burst out with unfiltered laughter she had been holding in for a while. She held her belly as her cheeky giggles filled the little bedroom.
"You really don't remember anything? Not even a little bit?" Paulina asked through tears.
Jiro whimpered, holding his head in his hands, hangover taking a serious toll on his mental state that was already wounded by embarrassment.
"I… don't… I remember standing at that alley where I… never mind. I walked for a while, and some people dragged me for some free drinks since they were celebrating, so I drank some and then… I woke up here"
Paulina chuckled and sat down on the edge of the bed near Jiro's head and gave him a little smirk.
"You're not really good at handling booze, are you?"
"How the hell would I know?" the hero pouted and averted his eyes timidly. He answered in a shy whisper: "I never had alcohol before. In my world, you can't drink until you're 20, so I still had almost two years of abstinence ahead of me. Urgh… my mom would kill me if she saw me"
Paulina's eyes widened. It wasn't just because of the legislative difference between Japan and Arame, where you become an adult at the age of 15, but also because this was the first moment she realised something she hadn't considered beforehand. The hero she was putting on the pedestal yesterday was just an 18-year-old boy who was still listening to his mom like a kid. She saw him completely hammered the night before, so she knew he wasn't some perfect being, but strangely, this was the first time in Paulina's eyes that this all-mighty hero seemed incredibly… human.
"Sorry, I didn't… Mister Jiro? You called me 'akari' earlier. What did that mean?"
"Oh… Akari is my younger sister's name. She always wakes me up on the weekends to play games, so I thought… Anyways. What happened yesterday?"
"Right! Apologies! Last night I was walking back home when I saw a rowdy group in front of the tavern. I got closer and noticed that there was a massive line of men towards one of the tables, and an equally large group of men with broken arms going away from it. When I got closer, I saw warriors and adventurers, one by one, sitting down opposite you, challenging you for an arm-wrestling contest, only for you to snap their limbs in half. At one point, you even gathered about 10 platinum coins from people betting on you"
"Holy crap!" Jiro's eyes widened as he straightened up, still wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito "So I'm rich now?"
"Well… I tried stopping you, but you gave the tavern all your money and said that drinks are on you..."
"Remind me, how much is 10 platinum coins?"
"Enough to buy a small apartment in the city?"
"Can I die already?"
"Not before breakfast"
*sigh*
"Fine", Jiro said, actively stopping himself from withering away, holding his cells together by brute force "So what happened next?"
"Next, you stood on the top of the barrel and proclaimed that every rich person is pure evil and their souls will be damned. Then you healed Mister Bargon's blindness; demanded that the 'local whore' wash your feet; and gathered twelve men to tell them, they're your students now"
"Jesus Christ…"
"That's what you said!"
"What then?"
"Well, at that point, you were so drunk you threw up into one of the guard's helmets, said 'peaceful times, my ass', threw up again and passed out, so I escorted you here. Actually, even when you were unconscious, you kept repeating this phrase. 'Peaceful times, my ass' - is it your new catchphrase?"
Jiro listened to Paulina's story, struggling not to eradicate himself atom by atom from this realm. Embarrassment was so intense that he could hear his ancestors cry, as the dignity of the entire Hanazaki bloodline evaporated in that moment. He was ready to let himself be taken into the afterlife. Jiro saw his grandma on the other side of the river Styx, but instead of waving cheerfully, she was giving him a middle finger. This vision gave Jiro goosebumps, not because she flipped him off, but because his grandmother is still alive, so he had no idea why she was cursing at him in the afterlife.
"Wait a second" Jiro said, interrupting his premature death "That's not the end of the story, is it? I still don't know where I am or why am I naked? You said you walked me here, but where is 'here'? Are we at your house? And…" he leaned in closer and whispered: "Did we sleep together?"
Paulina's cheerful and slightly teasing tone disappeared, replaced by the reddest blush in the history of blushes. We're talking football-game-red-card type of red. La Tomatina type of red. Bulls-are-ready-to-organise-a-protest-against-the-constant-taunting-at-their-workplace type of red. My-bank-account-just-two-days-after-paycheck type of red. R-E-D.
She suddenly ducked down as if to hide herself behind the edge of the bedframe, covering her face in embarrassment.
"IDIOT! Of course we didn't! I'm saving myself for marriage, you big dumb dummy!"
She squirmed as her hand reached over the edge and started repeatedly slapping Jiro. There was no bite to it; it was more like she had so many emotions inside her that she needed something to unleash the overwhelming shyness. Jiro was just the closest punchable thing.
"Ok! Ok! I get it! I'm sorry!" Jiro sighed, "Then why am I naked?"
"Ugh. You begged me for something sweet before going to bed, so I got you a cup of chocolate pudding. I went outside to grab you a fresh blanket, and when I came back, you were already covered head to toes in that cocoa glop. I had to wash your clothes, but so that you know, I didn't touch your underwear. If you don't have it, then you did it on your own."
"So what you're saying is, despite me being a complete drunk mess, you took me to a safe bed, gave me food, washed my clothes and even woke me up in the morning for breakfast?"
Jiro stops Paulina from hitting him and holds her hand, pulling her up from behind the bed. His eyes are full of conviction, locked on hers.
"Marry me"
"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-whaaaaaaat?!?!"
"There's no way I could find someone who will take better care of me. Ever."
"B-but we aren't even d-dating! You have to ask my father for his blessing, and you have to talk about the bride price"
"Tch", Jiro immediately let go of her hand and kissed his teeth.
Paulina looked at him, a little annoyed. She smacked the back of his head.
"Really? You gave up the second it was about spending money?"
The receptionist sighed, took out a little gold card from her pocket, and placed it on the bed.
"You forgot your guild card yesterday, so here it is… and stop messing with my heart like that," she said, swatting his shoulder with no real anger behind it. "Get downstairs after you get dressed up." I'll ask Sabrina to make you breakfast"
"Oh, thanks," he said, taking the adventurer card and looking at it with a hint of sadness in his soft smile as he considered how little value gold really has if they make IDs from it. He shook his head to regain his playfulness and directed his eyes toward Paulina "Who's Sabrina?"
"She's the cook at the tavern next to the guild. We usually sell them monster materials at a discounted price, and they cook us breakfasts and lunches."
"But you said 'downstairs'. Does Sabrina live with you?"
Paulina chuckled softly.
"No, silly. You're not at my house. You're upstairs at the guild. We have a few rooms for adventurers, guests, and staff if they need them. One night costs nine gold coins," she pulled out a small pouch. Metallic jingle vibrates through the air as she shook it. Paulina winks, "Already took it from your pocket, so don't worry"
A young receptionist giggled and walked out of the room.
"Hey! That's extortion, you know?"
But Paulina was already past the doorframe. Jiro, now alone in the room, smiled as his eyes stayed on where the girl had stood just a moment ago. He took a deep breath and stood up from the bed. He grabbed his clothes, looked at them and started dressing up.
"New Day, huh?"
He said the thing!